Magic and Mushrooms
by illori leene
Summary: One night, while on a training journey, magical mushrooms brought them together. They thought they could put it behind them, but there will be consequences and there will be chaos. (Female Ranma x Ryoga)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **I'm going to try to deal with a serious situation in as lighthearted a way as possible, as I want to keep the general feel of the original series. No matter what awful things happened in the original work it was always handled in a fun, upbeat or zany way. If you are looking for angst and deep drama, this isn't the place, but neither will it be an all out gag fic. I've tried to stick to the character's personalities as much as possible in the situation I've created, although they do go through some growth.

In third person Ranma will be referred to as she or he based on his/her gender at the time. People will refer to Ranma as he/she based on their perception of Ranma's gender in that moment.

It does say Female Ranma x Ryoga right in the description, if you don't like the pairing turn and run now.

Constructive criticism is welcomed, learning from my mistakes is how I'll grow :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2 or any of the characters within.**

**Magic and Mushrooms**

**Prologue**

Pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat

_Great, it's raining again... _ was the first thought that ran through Ryoga's mind upon waking. His second thought was more of a realization as he became aware that he had his arms wrapped around the small, warm, -naked- body that was nestled up against him. Well, one hand was wrapped around her, the other was cupping her right breast. That thought caused his fingers to flinch, which the girl definitely seemed to notice. Ryoga opened his eyes to see just what he had done last night (or who, as the case may be)._ Oh no..._

* * *

Pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat

_Ugh, it's so cold when it rains... _was the first thought that ran through Ranma's mind upon waking. Her second thought was more of a realization as she became aware of an extremely warm body behind her and snuggled closer to it for the heat. It began to occur to her that it felt an awful lot like a -naked- male body with his arms wrapped around her, one hand resting on her breast. The hand squeezed. Ranma's eyes flew open and she turned to see just what she had done last night (or who, as the case may be). _Oh no..._

* * *

Two screams of sheer horror rang out across the mountainside. Birds fled their nests despite the rain and animals dove for cover. Far away in the Tendo dojo, Akane awoke with a start. An ominous feeling settled over her. _I do hope those two are all right..._

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Ranma, Prepare to die!"

Ranma had been minding her own business in the back yard, happily eating takoyaki that she had charmed off a local vendor for free. Yes, being a girl had it's definite up sides. Unfortunately her snack was being interrupted by a noisy idiot, a noisy idiot that had just busted open a small crater in the ground next to her feet with his ridiculously heavy umbrella.

"Aw, come on Ryoga, lemme eat first." She whined as she dodged his slow (well, compared to Ranma anyway), but no doubt, powerful blows.

"No excuses will delay this fight Ranma. Today we settle this like men!" He yelled, ignoring entirely the fact that Ranma was not currently a man at all. Ranma landed on the umbrella that he had thrust in her direction. She popped a takoyaki in her mouth and back-flipped off again.

"Just two minutes man." She shuddered slightly as she said the next part, "I'll share."

"As if I'd share anything with you!" He whipped off several bandannas and threw them in her direction.

She didn't even bother to dodge as they flew past her. "Ha! Your aim is way off." She gloated.

"I wasn't aiming for you." Was his smug reply.

Just then a bandana boomeranged back and whacked the takoyaki out of her grasp. She watched the container as it fell, seemingly in slow motion, to land face down in the grass. Her hands balled into trembling fists and a rather terrifying battle aura emanated from her. That was it, Ryoga Hibiki was going to pay!

A whirlwind of destruction and chaos ensued in the Tendo's yard. Curses were uttered, threats were made and violence reigned. All in all, a fairly ordinary afternoon since the arrival of the Saotomes.

The battle started off decidedly in Ranma's favor, until Ryoga dropped his immense backpack, it landed with an ear splitting bang. _Huh, how did I not notice that until now? _Ranma wondered. Ryoga's speed increased dramatically, which forced Ranma to go on the defensive. She was very narrowly dodging the torrent of punches and kicks he was sending her way. _Oh, man. If any of these actually hit me, I'm gonna be in trouble. _With that thought in mind, she ran up the tree behind her and flipped over his head. This would have been a good plan were it not for the takoyaki container laying forgotten on the ground. As her foot touched down it slipped out from under her, causing her to fall backwards. Ryoga took the opportunity and drove his fist into her stomach.

_Holy mother of $&amp;#+/=!¥¢ That hurts!_ Ranma clutched at her midsection and rolled onto her side, groaning.

"What is going on here?!" Demanded an irate Akane as she assessed the damage to her family's property.

"A-Akane! I, err... That is, we... uh..." babbled Ryoga with one hand characteristically behind his head.

Ranma managed to climb to her feet, still clutching her wounded stomach. "Just a bit of sparring between friends Akane. No need ta make a big deal of it."

"Friends? Friends! What kind of friends would cause this much devastation during a match? Were you trying to kill each other?" She didn't wait for a response and continued her rant, "I am sick and tired of you two fighting like this all the time! I've had it! That's it! You two are going to get along whether you like it or not. I'm sending you both on a survival training journey through the mountains, just the two of you. You will be forced to cooperate, or you'll both die of starvation!" That said, she spun on her heel and strode angrily back into the house.

"Hey Ryoga, we are friends, right?" Ranma asked, surprised that Akane would question that fact. She knew, or at least she thought she knew, that Ryoga had come by to test the results of some new training. Not to actually harm her.

"I don't know if I'd go quite that far..." Ryoga replied. He supposed Ranma was the closest thing he had to a friend, but he had no intentions of revealing it. The whole 'prepare to die' thing was really just a greeting born of habit by now.

That answer seemed to satisfy her though, because she flashed him a small smile.

"So what's with the backpack?" She asked as she attempted to lift it. _Damn that's heavy_. The attempt was aggravating her injury so she gave up.

"Well... don't laugh ok?" He waited until he saw her nod. "I got the idea from a cartoon... Dragonball. The characters in that show wore heavy turtle shells on their backs while training and when they took them off their speed had improved."

Ranma's cheeks puffed and were reddening as she attempted to hold in her laughter. _It's no good... _soon she was giggling wildly in a most unmanly way.

"Hey! It worked didn't it? I won today." The giggles ceased immediately.

"Only 'cause I was a girl." Ranma huffed. She decided then that the trip Akane was sending them on was a good opportunity to train her girl half. Always training as a guy had left that part of her more vulnerable.

Deciding to change the subject as they walked into the house to get cleaned up, she asked, "So, have you picked up any other training advice from cartoons lately?"

* * *

Ranma stuffed the last items he needed on top of the weights he had added to his backpack and zipped it up.

A week had passed since Akane had declared that he and Ryoga were to go on a training journey. Soun and Genma had readily agreed. There had been a look of pride on Genma's face and tears streaking down Soun's cheeks as the pair reminisced about training trips they had taken as youths. The two men had set to work drawing up a map that outlined a journey they had once themselves taken.

Ryoga was already in the Tendo's sitting room when Ranma came down the stairs.

"Take a seat son." Soun gestured to the space across from him at the table.

As Ranma made himself comfortable Genma entered the room with an armload of various supplies. "Boy, this is a survival journey. Your training is of course important, but your teamwork is what will be tested. You will start your fires by hand and catch your own food. The route we have planned was designed to push you to your very limits. These," he pushed the items he held forward, "are your emergency supplies. They are for use in life or death situations only. If you return having used these up, your journey will be considered a failure and you will bring shame to the Anything Goes school of martial arts. Do you understand?"

"Yeah Pops, I hear ya." He replied in a bored tone. _How bad could it possibly be? He sure is being overly dramatic about it. it's not like I've never caught my own dinner before. _Ranma thought to himself.

The whole Tendo family gathered in the yard to bid the boys farewell.

"Stay safe." Kasumi said sincerely.

"No fighting." Akane said with a warning in her voice.

"Watch out for lions, tigers and bears." Nabiki cautioned.

"Oh my, I doubt they'll encounter any of those along the route father chose." Kasumi exclaimed.

"That depends on whether or not Ryoga is holding the map." Nabiki replied dryly.

Everyone but the boy in question laughed at that. Ryoga merely growled to himself. _It's not like I don't know that I have a lousy sense of direction, no need to rub it in. _Instead of voicing this thought he merely said, "Goodbye Akane, we'll... I'll behave, I promise."

"Oh, before you go..." Akane ran back into the house to grab something. She returned a minute later with two bento boxes wrapped in cloth. "I know you are supposed to work for your dinner, but I thought that just this once wouldn't hurt." She held out the two bentos with a smile that clearly revealed just how oblivious she was to the state of her own cooking.

Ranma tried to back away, but Ryoga elbowed him in the gut. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness Akane." He said as he accepted the boxes then nudged Ranma with his foot.

"Yes, thank you Akane..." Ranma bit out through clenched teeth.

Everyone said their goodbyes and the pair were soon leaping from rooftop to rooftop, heading out of the city.

"Hold up Ryoga." Ranma said once they were a good distance from the dojo.

Ryoga stopped and watched as Ranma pulled out a canteen and poured water over his head. "What are you doing?" He asked.

She grinned, "Training my girl half, when we're done you won't beat this side of me again!"

"Why change now then, why not at the dojo?"

"Can you imagine how much Pops'd make fun of me if he knew I planned ta spend the next two months as a girl?" _Or how ashamed he'd be. Not to mention what mom would think if she found out..._ Ranma shook her head. "Never mind that, race ya!"

"Hey! Get back here." Losing sight of Ranma was not an option, Ryoga really didn't fancy a visit to the Sahara just now.

* * *

Evening was closing in as they reached the outskirts of Tokyo. They were forced to make camp in an empty lot, this wasn't really unusual for Ryoga, it seemed to him that he had spent half his life living out of tents in empty lots.

They sat in front of their tent eyeing down the bento boxes. Their stomachs growled in unison, and yet they did not eat.

"Akane probably put a lot of effort into making them..." Ryoga commented, but he made no move to open either of them. Ranma remained silent.

"If she thought we didn't eat them, she'd be mad..." He continued, but still he did not reach for the boxes. He glanced at Ranma, who still hadn't said a word.

"She'd be heartbroken if she knew we threw them out..." His face paled at the recollection of the last meal of Akane's he'd eaten. He'd been a pig at the time which meant his sense of taste had been even more sensitive than a human's. _Ugh..._

"Our stomachs will be broken if we do eat them." Ranma answered at last. She picked up the one meant for her and threw it in a nearby dumpster, she would not be guilted into eating that slop.

Ryoga silently apologized to Akane as he dropped his in the garbage after Ranma. He didn't want to start this trip off with a case of food poisoning.

Both their stomachs grumbled again. "So what now? Unless you feel like alley cat, there is nothing to catch this close to town." Ryoga asked.

"Hmm, ya know, I bet I can find a catch." She replied with a sly grin. "C'mon, I saw a food cart two blocks back." She grabbed Ryoga by the sleeve and dragged him off in the right direction.

"But we're not allowed to buy food." Ryoga didn't want to break his word or lie to the Tendos.

"Don't worry, we won't pay a single yen and it's within the rules. I'll get dinner using my skills." Ranma winked at him. "Look, there's the cart!" She pointed across the street. "Now to wait for a good catch."

Ryoga wasn't certain what she was up to, she just kept telling him to keep quiet and trust her. So he did. They stood off in an allyway for almost twenty minutes before Ranma whispered, "There!" She looked at him, "You wait here."

He watched as she pinched herself to make her eyes water, then she crossed the street to speak to a young man in a suit. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but she had her hands up under her chin and looked adorably sad. The man nodded at her, causing her to smile thankfully and grab hold of his arm. The two walked up to the food cart and Ranma excitedly pointed at several items, pausing in between to bat her eyelashes at the man. She pointed at even more food and the man's eyes grew comically wide, she then ran the back of her hand down his arm while looking into his eyes. The man relented and several minutes later she handed him a slip of paper and waved goodbye to him. The man was smiling from ear to ear.

Ranma was grinning like the cat that got the canary (or the Genma that got the last pickle) as she ducked into the ally. "Told ya he was a catch." She said as she presented the very large bag of food.

"Ranma..." Ryoga was stunned momentarily, "did you just hit on a _guy_?" The thing he found the most scary was just how good she seemed at it. _Just how many times has he done this?_

"I prefer to think of it as a con. Really, what's the good of great looks like these," she motioned up and down, indicating herself, "if ya can't get a little something out of it?"

Ryoga shivered, "You sound like Nabiki." She shrugged and turned to head back to camp. There was a bounce in her step as though she was exceedingly pleased with herself.

"Did you give him your phone number?" Ryoga asked, more than a little disturbed by the whole display.

"Of course not." Ryoga sighed with relief, at least she hadn't gone crazy. "I gave him the number to the Cat Cafe, who knows, maybe he'll take Shampoo off my hands." She snickered. Ryoga thought the whole thing was rather cruel, having been tricked by Ranma on numerous occasions, but he was hungry so he tried not to over think it.

The food turned out to be quite good. Ryoga was pleased to see Ranma eating like a pig, as unfeminine as was possible. Ranma acting like a girl, albeit a manipulative one, was something he'd be quite happy never to see again.

* * *

The mountain range Soun and Genma had selected was notorious for being the most deadly in Japan. Looking up at it now Ryoga and Ranma could see why. It was tall, too tall to see the highest snow covered peak, with sheer cliff faces that could easily drop a man to his death. Vegetation was dense in areas and sparse in others. They were to scale the entire range, taking the path laid out for them on the map.

"Here? Are you sure Ranma? Let me see that map." Ryoga reached out to grab it from her hands.

"No way!" She leapt back. "You ain't touchin' it. This is the place marked on the map for sure."

"What about that?" He pointed at a nearby sign.

**-WARNING DANGER-**

**Trail closed until further notice**

"That's for regular people Ryoga, we're martial artists. Besides Pops and Mr. Tendo went this way and we can do anything they can." Her fist was clenched in determination as she strode past the sign and into the thick undergrowth.

Ryoga followed her, pushing brush out of his way as he went. Had he not been entirely focused on following Ranma he might have noticed that the lower half of the sign was now visible and continued on to read:

**Due to dangerous invasive fungus**

**Do not eat under any circumstances.**

But he did not notice, so the pair carried on.

When they reached the first campsite indicated on the map they were both drenched in sweat. The hike through the dense foliage had been exhausting. Ranma had been tearing her way through the vines and bushes littering the forest floor. Ryoga had been cutting his way through with his chi hardened belt.

"You gotta teach me how ta do that." Ranma said, pointing at the strip of cloth in his hand.

"Sure, why not. After dinner." He said as he started to set up camp.

"Lucky for us, the map takes us along a stream for a few days. Getting food will be easy at this rate. I wonder if Pops was exaggerating when he said this would push us to our limits."

"This is only the first day Ranma, I wouldn't get too cocky just yet."

* * *

"Ranma!" Ryoga exclaimed in annoyance.

"Careful P-chan, you promised Akane that you wouldn't get mad at me." Ranma sing-songed.

"Dammit Ranma, just put some clothes on!" He wiped his nose on his sleeve, yep, it was bleeding.

"I'm not gonna go swimming with my clothes on Ryoga, they'll get all wet. You try catching some fish why dontcha?" She crossed her arms as if to make her point, but this only pushed her breasts together and upward, increasing Ryoga's discomfort.

_He's not a girl. He's not a girl. He's not a girl. _"Dammit Ranma, you know I can't. I'd just turn into a pig. Just get in the water already then! You don't have to prance around like that." The sight of Ranma in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts was really doing his head in. Ranma's female side was certainly beautiful with an incredible body, but it was _Ranma_. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

A little twinkle lit up the corner of Ranma's eye. She just couldn't resist, for reasons beyond her explanation teasing Ryoga was one of her favorite pastimes. Silently she crept up on him while he wasn't looking and wrapped both of her arms around one of his. Her breasts were ever so slightly grazing his arm.

A visible shiver ran up his spine, caused by a mixture of revulsion, shame and lust. He looked down and opened his mouth to yell at her but she was looking up at him with huge, sad, watery eyes. The words caught in his throat.

"What's wrong? Am I not pretty enough for you Ryoga?" She asked with a tremble of her lip.

His cheeks reddened and his brain misfired, "Uh... I didn't... I don't..."

_Success_. Reaching up, she flicked his nose and with teasing grin said, "Gotcha!" She dropped his arm and took off running before he came back to his senses.

Humiliation washed over him, which rapidly turned to rage. "Ranma!" He would have given chase, but she was already knee deep in the cold water.

_This is gonna be a fun trip. _Ranma thought with a smile. Then she calmed her breathing and waited motionless in the water for her prey.

Ryoga huffed angrily and turned to get the fire started. At least with the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken Ranma could be relied on to catch a few fish. _This is gonna be a long trip. _He thought with a sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: **Sex is implied in this chapter, but the description barely touches second base to keep things T.

Constructive criticism is welcomed, learning from my mistakes is how I'll grow :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2 or any of the characters within.**

**Magic and Mushrooms ch2**

In the days that followed the two made their way steadily upward. The slope grew more and more steep each day and the undergrowth more dense. By night Ryoga trained Ranma to use the Iron Cloth technique. She had learned to use her belt as a blade rapidly, but using cloth as a projectile was proving far more difficult to master. She kept losing control of the chi once the cloth left her hand.

"Dammit!" She cried after another failed attempt.

"You have to visualize the chi. Imagine it's still connected to you by an invisible tether. Don't try to control it yet, just maintain it." He advised.

"Right." She nodded and tried again. The bandana fell limply to the ground. "Arg!" She threw another dozen, but the result was the same.

Ryoga gathered them up and brought them back to her. "I have an idea. You are pretty good at sensing other people's chi, right?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, put your hand on my wrist." She made a face at him that suggested she'd rather eat mud (as if she hadn't hung off his arm on numerous occasions).

"You want to learn or not? I'm just trying to help here." With a sigh she gripped his wrist.

Ryoga filled the cloth he was holding with chi. "Can you feel that?"

Ranma could easily sense it, with her hand on his wrist it was almost as if it were her own chi. "I can."

"Good, I'm going to throw it now. Don't let go." He pulled his arm back, then forward and released.

Ranma could see now what he meant by a tether. It was like a fine thread of chi was connecting the cloth to his body. She was confident she could do it now. "Thanks Ryoga."

It only took a few more attempts for her to figure it out. "Yes!" She cried as she did a victory dance.

Ryoga laughed at the spectacle she was making of herself. "Hehe, you didn't even learn the coolest part yet."

"What is that?" She asked.

"Directional control. I'm just learning it myself really. If we worked together though..." The whole point of this trip was teamwork after all.

Ranma recalled how he'd knocked the takoyaki out of her hand previously. He'd made the bandana reverse course like a boomerang. She did a little fist pump in excitement. "Let's do this!"

* * *

The trail led them steadily away from the water that had been their main source of food. They were able to catch some small game at first, but then the rain hit. They had been stuck in their tent for several days now because it was pouring so hard that every drop splashed back up. Ryoga couldn't stay human outside for more than a few minutes. He'd used up all the hot water he'd had in his thermos, and now they couldn't even start a fire to boil more.

The real problem though was that they were getting extremely hungry.

"You're crazy! You'll never find anything in this weather." He told her.

"I've gotta try or we're gonna starve." She insisted while grabbing his umbrella and exitting the tent. There was no way she was going to eat the emergency rations unless she was on her death bed.

Ranma wandered through the woods for what seemed like hours. She was cold, she was wet, the ground was slick with mud and there were no animals out and about. She was about to give up when she noticed the mushrooms growing at the base of a big tree. Come to think of it, she had seen them growing all over the mountainside.

She pulled out the map, her father had circled different sections and assigned each one a number. They were in the area marked '2', she checked the legend. Genma had included information for identifying poisonous plants, there were two in this section. There were no poisonous mushrooms listed in the area though so she folded the front of her shirt to form a little pocket and loaded it with mushrooms. She even collected more on the walk back.

"Hey Ryoga, this was the best I could do in this weather." She said when she entered the tent.

He inspected them. They looked odd, a little too colorful. "You sure they aren't poisonous?"

"Yep, I checked with Pop's map."

"It's better than nothing I suppose." They divided up the mushrooms and started to eat. "Wow, these are really good." He was surprised, they were unlike any mushroom he'd ever tried before.

"Tell me about it!" She agreed as she stuffed her face.

Soon all the mushrooms were gone and the two sat back relaxed, their hunger sated.

A chill ran up Ranma's spine. _Ooh, I'm freezing. It must be these wet clothes_. She started to remove them.

Ryoga noticed Ranma moving around and realized she was getting undressed. A strange feeling washed over him, making him lightheaded. _She has really nice tits _He thought, followed by, _What the heck am I thinking? Snap out of it, he's a he. _He shook his head, but the lightheadedness didn't clear. He opened his mouth intending to tell her to put some clothes on, but what came out was, "It's such a shame you aren't a girl. You're beautiful." His face turned red immediately. _What is wrong with me?_

Ranma was shocked, _he didn't really say that did he? I must be imagining things..._ when she looked at him she could see sincerity and confusion written all over his face. A strange feeling washed over her, making her lightheaded. She opened her mouth to tell him she was a guy, so too bad, but what came out was, "Don't be ridiculous, of course I'm a girl." _What the heck? Why did I tell him that?_ She shook her head, but the lightheadedness didn't clear.

His heart rate accelerated at those words. "What do you mean? I know you Ranma, I know you're a guy." He wondered why would Ranma lie about something like that that to him, and why she wasn't putting any clothes on even though she was getting goose bumps. _Not that I'm complaining... wait, what? Of course I'm complaining! _

"Simple. When I'm a boy I'm a boy. When I'm a girl I'm a girl." _Stop! Stop talking! _She screamed internally. _No! You've suppressed this too long, stop lying to yourself! _"You must have noticed from your own curse that you inherit traits from your other form. Pops eats bamboo and likes it, he rolls around all the time with that tire of his like a circus animal, then there's how lazy he gets, well, more 'n usual." Ranma wanted to deny her own words, but they were true. "Ryoga, when I'm a girl, I'm attracted to boys. That's why I've always fought against the curse so hard. I've suppressed it and repressed it and denied it, but my curse doesn't just make me look like a girl, I _am_ one." Ranma had never intended to reveal her deepest, most shameful secret to anyone, _second most shameful_... _You wouldn't! _She yelled to herself, _I would! _Her mind replied right back."I like you." She leaned forward and kissed him softly, it felt like heaven.

Despite the chill in the air he was starting to feel very hot. Ranma had just kissed him, her bare breasts had been pressed against his chest. He reached up to loosen his collar, suddenly a pair of small hands were helping him untie the laces holding his tunic closed. _What is she doing? _He thought, but could make no move to stop her. _Because you don't want her to stop.._. Said the voice in his head. _You thought she was beautiful ever since you learned about her curse._ She trailed her fingers down his sides until she reached his belt, which she tugged off. _Every time you fell for one of her disguises, or tricks, you dared to hope it was real, that your loneliness was at an end. _He felt her reach under the bottom of his shirt and lift it upwards, he raised his arms to help her. _You want her_. _Yes_, _I want her. _

_What am I doing?_ Ranma wondered as she ran her hands over his defined torso. _What you really wanted to do all those times you teased him, you know his reactions give you a thrill_ her mind replied. He reached out then and ran his larger hands up her sides. _He's responding, he didn't push you away_. She smiled at him, he gave her an awkward grin in return. _He's adorable when he smiles like that, don't you think? _Some part of her mind asked. _Yes_, she replied. Then she kissed him again, passionately this time. _You want him. Yes, I want him_.

It was hours before they finally fell asleep, locked in each other's embrace.

* * *

Pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat

_Great, it's raining again... _ was the first thought that ran through Ryoga's mind upon waking. His second thought was more of a realization as he became aware that he had his arms wrapped around the small, warm, -naked- body that was nestled up against him. Well, one hand was wrapped around her, the other was cupping her right breast. That thought caused his fingers to flinch, which the girl definitely seemed to notice. Ryoga opened his eyes to see just what he had done last night (or who, as the case may be)._ Oh no..._

* * *

Pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat-pit-pat

_Ugh, it's so cold when it rains... _was the first thought that ran through Ranma's mind upon waking. Her second thought was more of a realization as she became aware of an extremely warm body behind her and snuggled closer to it for the heat. It began to occur to her that it felt an awful lot like a -naked- male body with his arms wrapped around her, one hand resting on her breast. The hand squeezed. Ranma's eyes flew open and she turned to see just what she had done last night (or who, as the case may be). _Oh no..._

* * *

Two screams of sheer horror rang out across the mountainside. Birds fled their nests despite the rain and animals dove for cover. Far away in the Tendo dojo, Akane awoke with a start. An ominous feeling settled over her. _I do hope those two are all right..._

* * *

Ranma jumped back across the tent and grabbed the first piece of clothing she saw and tugged it over her head. Memories from the previous night were filtering slowly into her mind. Her face paled, then it burned bright red. _Oh. My. God. _She scrambled from the tent and ran out into the rain. She wasn't sure where she was running or even how far she had gone, she just knew she had to get out of there.

There was a relatively dry spot under a particularly dense crop of trees, she collapsed to her knees under them. The entire evening was playing over and over in her head. The memories had a dream like quality but she knew they were real. _I told him my secret. I slept with Ryoga. More than once. It was good... What the heck is wrong with me? _Out of the corner of her eye she spotted mushrooms growing around the base of the nearby trees. _The mushrooms..._

Ranma relaxed a little bit, reassured that she hadn't gone completely insane. If the mushrooms were to blame she could bury the incident under a nice thick pile of denial. She wasn't prepared to cope with the knowledge that she had enjoyed the previous night's experience _a lot._ She was even less prepared to deal with the thoughts that had filled her mind at the time, that she had unresolved feelings for Ryoga. Nope, it was all the fault of those mushrooms. Denial was bliss.

* * *

Ryoga watched as Ranma fled the tent wearing nothing but his tunic. Memories from the previous night were filtering slowly into his mind. His face paled, then it burned bright red. _Oh. My. God. _He couldn't blame her for fleeing, if it hadn't been raining so hard he may have done the same. Still in a state of shock he reached for his pack and pulled out some new clothes. Once he was dressed he sat in the center of the tent staring blankly ahead.

_Ranma told me that as a girl she likes guys, likes me... then she... she... _Ryoga reached up and gripped his hair, he wanted to be angry at her, he really did. _But I didn't stop her. I let it happen. More than once. It was good..._ since he couldn't find it in him to be angry, he defaulted to his other typical state, depression.

_Akari, what have I done? _He had never before thought that he was the type to be unfaithful. Was that really all it took? For one _almost_ girl to strip in front of him, then he'd become some sort of sexual deviant? Imagining how she would feel if she found out was breaking his heart, but he also felt compelled to confess to her. Then she could punish him like he deserved.

_And Akane, how will I ever look her in the eyes again?_ He'd spent two years infatuated with her but had finally accepted her engagement to Ranma, only to turn around and sleep with her fiancee. _I've betrayed her when all she's ever shown to me was kindness._ He slumped over with his head in his hands, heavy chi of depression flowing out of him freely.

* * *

When Ranma made it back to the tent she found it surrounded by an oppressive aura. Just walking through it made breathing difficult. _Jeez, if he let this go he could take down the whole mountain... guess he's taking it pretty bad_. She approached him cautiously once she entered the tent.

"Relax Ryoga, it's not your fault." She said as she sat next to him. "I think it was the mushrooms. It started right after we ate, and they did look a bit weird. I guess Pops and his map were wrong."

That got a response from him, but not the one she was hoping for. The depressive aura faded, his eye twitched, "So what you are saying," his battle aura flared, "is that this is your fault!" Now this was familiar territory, when something goes wrong, blame Ranma. It had worked for years, he had made Ranma out to be the source of all his life's misery. Hating Ranma would make dealing with this so much easier. He reared back to hit her.

Ranma closed her eyes and braced herself for the impact. If she fought back they'd destroy the tent and then they'd be left in the rain and cold for weeks to come. When nothing happened she opened one eye to see his fist stopped just short of her face.

Ryoga couldn't hit her, seeing her with her eyes screwed shut brought to mind an image of her from the previous night. As much as he wanted to hate her blindly again, he couldn't do it, not after seeing another side of her. It made her too human. He lowered his fist.

"Look, it didn't count because the mushrooms made us do it. We were drugged, right?" She asked, adding more denial to the pile. "So let's pretend it didn't happen, ok?"

"Fine." He said in a flat voice. He wouldn't be able to forget though, of that he was sure. They sat in silence for a a while. He finally broke it to say, "You should put your own clothes on."

She looked down and finally noticed that she was in nothing but his tunic. "Oh! Sorry." She blushed then made an effort to change behind her sleeping bag. For the first time ever, Ranma was feeling the need for some feminine modesty.

* * *

It took two more days for the rain to let up. In that time they'd only eaten a handful of raw eggs. They refused to touch the mushrooms again. They didn't speak much and kept themselves busy practicing what chi control they could in the limited space of the tent.

"Finally!" Ranma exclaimed when she stepped out into the sun. She couldn't stand another minute in that tent with Ryoga's depressive chi. He was trying to keep it reigned in but some of it still escaped and made her feel suffocated. She hoped not being trapped in there would improve his mood.

Ryoga could barely believe that Ranma was standing there in the sun smiling like an idiot. _He really is acting like it didn't happen. How can he not feel any guilt for what he's done to Akane?_

"Stop being such a sourpuss back there. The sun is shining, we're gonna get some food today and we can finally do some real training." She scolded him without even turning around.

The clearing of the weather had brought all the animals out of hiding. Getting breakfast was quick work. Soon they were packed and moving on to the next camp site.

Ryoga was quiet and moody, Ranma was unusually talkative. She kept trying to rope him into random conversions to distract him from all the unnecessary thinking she was sure he was doing. She wasn't very successful.

Half way through the day they emerged from the dense forest and nearly walked right into a sheer rock face. Ranma tried to get him to discuss whether or not he had prior climbing experience. He ignored her and removed the climbing supplies from his pack.

After several hours spent climbing Ryoga found himself completely fed up with her babbling. "Would you just shut up?" He finally roared at her.

"Jeez, I was only trying to help." She snapped back.

"How is drivng me crazy with your annoying chatter supposed to help?" He yelled.

"Because I know you. You are thinking too much. You're making yourself more depressed with each passing minute and beating yourself up about it won't do either of us any good. I was just trying ta get you to think about something else for a while." She was getting mad now.

"Well stop." He said, then started climbing faster.

Ranma sighed and sped up to keep pace with him. _Maybe I went too far._ She decided to just try and act normal and hope he'd come around. Even if Ryoga didn't agree, she thought he was her best friend (Uuchan would have held this spot were it not for being one of her crazy fiancees and therefore always plotting against her) and she didn't want to lose that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Magic and Mushrooms ch3**

It took Ryoga several days of mulling over his feelings (not wallowing in despair, as Ranma had called it) to figure out what he was going to do. He was going to confess his crimes to Akari, he owed her that much. She could punish him as she saw fit, it was no less than he deserved, no matter what Ranma said.

He would not tell Akane however (at least not right away), that responsibly laid with Ranma. Perhaps if Ranma took her to the alter without confessing he'd be forced to say something, but until then, he'd keep his mouth shut.

Speaking of Ranma, she'd started acting normal again. True to her word she was pretending nothing had happened. He had been worried at first, after the secret she had revealed _that_ night. He wondered if she had really meant it when she said that she had feelings for him. Thankfully that appeared not to be the case. He didn't know if he could handle that.

Knowing what he was going to do was a load off his mind. His attitude had improved and he was almost behaving normally with Ranma, not entirely, but it was close. He was avoiding any situation where he might see her undressed and couldn't get too close to her. He'd considered asking her to turn back into a guy, that would make things so much easier, but that would be admitting defeat. That he couldn't cope with the situation when Ranma seemed to be taking it all just fine. No, he'd just put up with her for now.

* * *

Ranma was glad that Ryoga had lightened up in the last few days. She hoped this was a sign that they could be friends like before. She'd been avoiding being topless in his presence, and warning him before she changed so that he had time to leave the tent. She'd never considered how her nudity affected people before, but after _that_ night, she couldn't _not_ think about it.

Ryoga wouldn't let her get too close to him, which would have been helpful during their chi training. She'd never known that contact would allow her to feel someone else's chi flow before. She'd touched other martial artists before and had never seen their chi, there must have been a trick to it, but she didn't know what that was. Ryoga was much further along in his directional control, she really would have liked to have a closer look at what he was doing. She'd considered turning back into a guy, it might make him comfortable enough to let her check his technique. But she felt like that would be admitting defeat somehow.

She'd started this trip determined to better her girl side. She was sure that all the trekking, climbing and heavy carrying was doing her some good. It was the basic sort of training that she always did as a guy but neglected entirely as a girl. No, she would keep going as she was. It was a matter of pride really.

* * *

Their next destination was a cabin that Soun and Genma had built their youth. The cabin should, according to the two adults, still contain all their old winter gear. Which was good, because Ranma and Ryoga hadn't had room in their packs to bring anything beyond mittens and hats. There should be parkas, ski pants, snowshoes, cross country skis, ski poles, and an ice axe.

There was a chill in the air now that they were getting higher into the mountain. The trees were further apart and allowed more wind through.

"It should be just around that bend." Ranma pointed toward a rocky outcrop.

It would be nice to not sleep in a tent for a night or two. Just thinking about being indoors with a fire was making her feel warm... Until they rounded the bend.

There was no cabin.

"There's nothing here." Ryoga helpfully (not) pointed out.

Ranma's brow furrowed as she checked the map, she had been sure this was the place. She traced the trail with her finger, trying to see if they'd taken a wrong turn.

"Let me see that." The map suddenly disappeared from her hands.

"Hey! Give that back! You'd get us lost in under ten seconds." She snatched it back quickly.

He narrowed his eyes at her, but didn't retort. It was true, that didn't mean he liked being reminded though.

"Huh." Ranma said, looking the map again she was certain now that they'd taken a wrong turn.

"We're gonna have to backtrack a bit, I must have read it wrong. We should be further east." She said. _I really thought this was the place..._

The two teens headed back the way they came, neither seeing the sign post that read:

**-To the owner of cabin-**

**-Do not build on public land-**

**-We have demolished the structure-**

**-Signed, park ranger-**

* * *

After a few hours of backtracking, the weather suddenly changed, it warmed considerably. Ranma noted with some concern that the trees along the trail looked to be of a different variety than they had been earlier. Ranma decided that the heat was getting to her, she was considering switching out her shirt for one with short sleeves, when she heard a slight rustling in the bushes. She looked at Ryoga, he nodded, he'd heard it too.

Ryoga pulled out his umbrella, wild boars and bulls were something the wanderer was used to. He prepared himself for the charge that was sure to come._ There! _Something was moving swiftly through the underbrush, it jumped out looking hungry and fierce.

"Aaaaaaayyyeeeeeeaaaahhhhhh!"

He found himself unable to take any action against the beast, for the moment she saw it Ranma had leapt into his arms. She clung to his neck, digging her nails in so hard that Ryoga was sure she must have drawn blood.

He dodged to the side as the creature's teeth closed on the spot his leg had occupied a split second earlier. "Ranma, what the hell are you doing?"

"C-c-c-cat!" She buried her face in his tunic and trembled in fear.

He tried to swing his umbrella at the tiger, but he couldn't get enough momentum with Ranma in his arms. "Dammit, I can't fight it unless you get down." She shook her head adamantly, she wasn't getting down. Not no way, not no how.

He dodged again as the cat pounced. "Ugh." If you can't fight, flee, he decided. Holding Ranma tight, he turned and fled. The feline was fast though, outrunning it would not be easy. He took to the trees instead, leaping from branch to branch. The cat kept pace with him, waiting for him to make a mistake and fall. She didn't have to wait long.

One of the branches just wasn't solid enough to hold the weight of Ryoga, Ranma and their two packs, it cracked and deposited them both on the forest floor. The tiger leapt in for the kill while Ryoga struggled to get Ranma off of him.

-Bang-

The startled tigress changed trajectory mid leap and ran off in the opposite direction after hearing the gunshot.

"Are you ok?" Asked a man as he slung a rifle over his shoulder. He was speaking English in an accent unfamiliar to Ryoga. This didn't phase him in the slightest, he was used to meeting people that didn't speak Japanese.

"Yes, ok." He replied. "Thank you."

"You two must have gotten too close to her den. She's usually not so aggressive, but she gave birth recently. It's made her defensive." The man explained. "I'll show you out of her territory."

Ryoga didn't understand half of what the guy said, But it was enough. "Ranma, get off. This guy wants us to follow him." She refused to budge, she was still reeling from the effects of her cat induced panic attack. He rolled his eyes and carried her as he followed the foreigner.

"So how long have you been visiting India?" The man asked as they walked along.

"Excuse me?" Ryoga was sure he must have heard that wrong.

"India, how long have you been here?" The man tried again.

"Ranma, I think we have a problem." It was no good, she was still near catatonic.

* * *

"Did ya find the cabin?" Ranma asked when she woke up somewhere warm and saw Ryoga sitting next to her.

"No, this is the ranger's station." He responded.

"What? Why are we here? What about finding the cabin?" She sat up and looked around. She had been sleeping on a sofa in a cozy sitting room.

"We're not going to find it. We aren't on the mountain anymore." He braced himself, she wasn't going to take this well. "We're in India"

Her eyes grew wide, then narrowed. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! When the tiger attacked us, we were already here!" He insisted. _This wasn't my fault!_

"Ryoga, you are the only person I know that can cross continents accidentally, and without swimming. You must have done something." _Of course it's his fault!_

"I was following you. You had the map." _Enough said._

"The map..." She thought back, "you touched it!"

"So?" _It's not like I damaged it..._

"You contaminated it!" She decided, "With your bad sense of direction!"

"That's impossible." _I think..._

Ranma saw her pack sitting next to the couch and pulled out the map. "I knew something seemed strange, I had been so sure we weren't off course. This isn't the same map."

"Let me see." Once again the map was ripped from her grasp.

"It looks the same to me." _She's crazy, just trying to shove the blame onto someone else._

"Stop touching it!" She snatched it back and inspected every inch of it. It looked the same, and yet... _no, that's silly, he can't really screw up a map by touching it. Even if it is Ryoga. _"So, what do we do now?"

"We could call your dad and tell him, but then we'll be admitting that we failed. I say we walk." Ryoga said with a surprising amount of confidence.

"Walk? To Japan? Are you an idiot?" She nearly shouted at him.

"We walked here. This isn't even my first time on another continent and I got home alright before." He shrugged, being unbelievably lost was the story of his life.

"How do we even know which way ta go?" She asked, barely able to believe she was going to go along with him.

"Let's follow the map."

"This is a map of Japan, stupid!"

He just shrugged.

Ryoga got up to find the ranger, to let him know they'd be leaving. Ryoga stopped at the door to the next room, presumably the ranger's office. Inside the ranger was talking to someone.

"-could be poachers."

"Keep them here until you arrive."

"-arrest them-"

He turned back to Ranma, "We have to go, I think the police are coming to see if we were hunting tigers."

The two quickly grabbed their packs and ran off into the woods.

* * *

The ranger came back into the sitting room to find it empty. "Where could they have gone?"

"Oh well." He shrugged, he had bigger problems to deal with. He walked into a back room that contained two men in a cell and waited for the police to collect the potential poachers he'd found in the park with hunting gear. Keeping tigers safe, not teenagers, was his job.

* * *

_This is ridiculous! _Ranma thought as she pulled out the map. Oddly, she was able to find a location on it that matched the geography nearby. _Weird_. The location of their next camp site was still marked though, so however nutty she thought Ryoga's idea was, she lead the way.

Regardless of the map having been for a mountain in Japan, it led them to a clearing near a river that seemed identical to the one on the map. As they sat near the fire cooking fish that she'd caught in the river, she wondered if this was some elaborate joke being played on her by her father. Genma was a strange man, she wouldn't put it past him to play a trick on her, she just couldn't think of a reason why he would. She dismissed the idea, her father was both too stupid and too lazy to come up with something like this just for a gag.

The next day when she felt the weather change she paid greater attention to her surroundings. She noted this time that the trees were of a different variety than they had been just minutes before, yet somehow the shift had happened in just such a way that if she hadn't been looking for it, she wouldn't have noticed. "Where do ya think we are?"

"Dunno, what makes you think we even left yet?" He asked, nothing looked any different to him.

"The temperature changed, it's cloudy now, it was sunny. The trees are different too, they had leaves before, now they have needles."

"I guess they do. I hadn't noticed." He said as he looked around.

"Is this how it always feels when you travel? Are ya always somewhere else suddenly as if by magic?" She asked.

"I didn't know that it happened until now, I just thought I was lost. Maybe." He thought it over, "Ah. There was this one time I found myself on a yacht and I had no idea how i got there." He smiled at the memory, wondering how he didn't see the strangeness of it at the time.

Ranma laughed, that was pretty funny.

* * *

Camping in these woods was rather peaceful. There was lots of small game, fresh water everywhere, and nothing had even attacked them yet. The worst thing to happen so far had been a stare down between the two youths and a large raccoon over food that they'd left out.

Of course trouble would find them, it was only a matter of time.

It came one day as they were filling their canteens by a lake. A humongous grizzly bear stepped out of the trees with her two young cubs in tow.

The humans stared at the bear.

The bear stared at the humans.

Suddenly she growled fiercely and lunged for the pair, each dodged in a different direction. She sniffed the air for a moment before deciding to attack Ryoga, who was now a wet, scared pig. He had landed in the lake when he'd jumped aside.

_Curse my luck! _He thought, it came out as, "Squee!"

Ranma's eyes were wide as the bear charged at her companion. _Is that a battle aura? _There was a halo of energy surrounding the bear, it was burning and angry. Ryoga dodged and ducked and weaved. This was no ordinary bear. It was fast, too fast. _What the heck are they feeding the bears around here?_

Ranma jumped into the air and delivered a swift kick to the bears neck. She had used just enough force, or so she thought, to render the bear unconscious. The bear however only seemed angered, it turned at lightning speed and clawed at the threat. Ranma tried to dodge but she was a split second too late. The bear's claws ripped through her arm. She could feel the burning chi flow through her body from the wound. It felt like her blood was boiling. She screamed in pain, not even noticing when Ryoga knocked the bear out from behind by throwing his heavy umbrella at its head. He'd apparently had his thermos close at hand, er, foot

He helped her to the water to clean her injury. The cool water brought her immediate relief from the burning chi. The gashes were deep and bleeding profusely. He rummaged through his pack until he found a roll of bandages and began patching her up. "We should try to find a town, this could get infected without treatment."

She nodded and pulled out the map. It did appear that there could be a village not too far off. Ranma lead the way.

* * *

"What on earth happened to her?" A shocked woman exclaimed. It was English again, but a different accent.

They had found a small village and Ryoga had approached the first person he saw, an older woman hanging clothes it to dry.

Ryoga couldn't remember the English word for attack, so he made a claw motion with his hand and said, "Bear."

"Oh dear!" The woman ushered the pair into a rusty old pick up truck and drove a few minutes to a small clinic.

The doctor seemed friendly, but Ranma couldn't understand him well. She cursed her lack of attention in school. She needed stitches to close the wounds, which hurt, but not nearly as bad as whatever disinfectant he'd poured on her arm.

* * *

"They're just silly old legends of course." The receptionist was talking to Ryoga as Ranma left the doctors office.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'll live." She replied.

Ryoga got up to go. "Hey wait." Ranma said, "Do we gotta pay them?"

He shook his head, "I took care if it."

Her eyes narrowed, "I can take care of things like that myself."_ I'm not some girl that needs his charity._

"It didn't cost much, don't worry about it." He tried again to leave.

"I'll pay you back." She insisted.

"Fine, whatever. Let's just go." He did leave the clinic this time, Ranma followed. _She was the one that wanted to be friends, now I can't even help her out? _He sighed.

"So, what were ya talkin' about with the girl in there?" Ranma asked as they walked down the street.

"Oh, there's a legend here that a monster lives in that lake. Kinda like the Loch Ness, but it's called Ogopogo. She thought we were tourists here to see it. We're in Canada by the way." He explained.

"Huh, a few years ago I would have said a lake monster was a crazy idea, but that trip to Ryugenzawa really changed my mind." She hoped she wouldn't be fighting any multi-headed creatures today. They headed away from the lake, just in case.

* * *

In a deep underwater cave, a sea serpent slept, coiled around itself. A bioluminescent glow filled the cave, emanating from the creatures scales. The creature had no idea that it was having a magical effect upon the lake in which it dwelt. Locals often spoke of animals that seemed much too clever or much too strong, but no one really believed. It was just a silly legend to attract tourists after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Magic and Mushrooms Ch4**

The map was spread out on the ground in front of them, they both studied it intently. "Ok, touch it now."

Ryoga did as he was told and placed one hand on the map. _Whoa, that's never happened before!_

Both sets of eyes opened wide. The map was rearranging itself before them. It was a subtle shift, trails and roads moving only millimeters at a time here and there, but it changed all the same. "It worked. You really did contaminate it."

_I wonder if it's getting worse... _Ryoga was no stranger to being abysmally lost but he'd never seen anything like this before.

"Let's go!" Ranma said eagerly. There was a certain thrill that came with not knowing where you'd end up.

* * *

"You must've noticed it this time." Ranma commented to Ryoga.

He looked around, "Er..."

"Come on! We were in a forest Ryoga, a forest." This was unbelievable.

"I know, I just thought we walked out if it." He replied. It had seemed to him that one location blended seamlessly into the next.

"We're in the savanna! It's scorching hot and as dry as Akane's rice! How could this possibly be connected to that forest?" She asked incredulously.

If he thought about it logically, if course she was right, there was no way a normal person would have believed the two to be side by side. He was no normal person however, and he knew it. There was a good reason that he couldn't differentiate, he wasn't going to tell Ranma that though. So he settled for shrugging in response to her question.

"There's zebras!" She pointed across the vast open space where the black and white creatures mingled with a herd of gazelles. Choosing to metaphorically kick a dead horse, she continued, "Zebras live in Africa, we were in North America." The movement of his shoulders was again his only reply, it was starting to tick Ranma off. "What the hell? Are ya trying ta piss me off?"

He opened his mouth to reply but the sound of hundreds of hoof beats suddenly got his attention. "I think we should run." All the animals, zebras and gazelles alike, were stampeding toward them. They turned to flee the oncoming rush of animals only to come face to face with a lion. Ryoga intended to leap over it and run, but when were things ever that easy? Instead he felt the uncomfortably familiar weight clinging to him yet again.

"C-c-cat..."

"Aw, come on!" Ryoga wailed miserably, wondering if he'd angered some vengeful deity. He turned to run to the right but another lion was fast approaching. _Left it is then..._

As he ran further and further it seemed as though more lions were turning away from the herd to chase what they perceived to be weak humans. He kept having to change direction to avoid the newcomers. He didn't notice until it was too late that they had herded him up against two sheer rock faces. They were cornered. He tried in vain to put Ranma down so he'd stand a chance fighting them, but she may as well have been super glued to him.

One of the lions leapt at them then. _Damn it, think of something!_ He scolded himself.

"Mreeeeeoooooooow!"

Ranma dislodged herself and in the blink of an eye was scratching wildly at the charging lion. It only took a few seconds for her to utterly defeat the animal. She let out another cat-like noise, which the remaining lions seemed to take as a challenge. They all dashed towards her at once, she rose to the occasion, hissing and spitting as she leapt into the fray. They rolled around throwing up a cloud of dust for several moments before Ranma pounced out victorious. She sat upon her defeated foes and glanced around for another fight, her eyes locked on Ryoga.

_Crap! _"Uh, nice kitty?" He offered. At first he thought it hadn't worked as she pounced at him, but he was thoroughly surprised when she knocked him over and curled up in his lap. "Uh..." He didn't know what to do or say, if he yelled or knocked her off she might go all catfu on him. She started purring and he wondered how that even worked since she wasn't actually a cat. _That's actually kind of adorable._ He thought, before shaking his head and scolding himself, _Don't be stupid, it's Ranma... _

Ranma shifted in his lap and looked up at him. _Is she normal now? _The answer, he discovered, was a resounding no, as she sat up and pecked him affectionately on the lips. Ryoga froze like a deer caught in headlights, his mind blanking out.

Ranma blinked, feeling disoriented. Wide eyes stared blankly at her, it was then that she realized her lips were pressed against someone else's.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

She punched said person in the face.

* * *

"This place sucks. Everything wants to eat us and we're running out of water fast." Ranma complained, "Touch the map and see if you can get us lost somewhere else."

He grumbled as he snatched it out of her hand.

"Aw, stop bein' so grumpy. I apologized." She did feel kinda bad for giving him a black eye.

"No, what you said was that you were sorry I bruise easily." He glared at her.

"Well, ya shouldn't have let your guard down." She retorted.

He rolled his eyes. After several minutes he said, "The map didn't change."

Ranma pulled the map back from his grasp. _It does look the same..._ "Try again."

He touched it and both watched, waiting. Nothing happened. "Maybe we haven't gone far enough from where we started?" He guessed.

"You don't have any idea how ya do it?" She asked.

"I told you, it's never happened before. Normally when I get this lost it takes weeks." He answered,

"Whatever, let's just find some food and water." Her stomach grumbled.

* * *

The pair of martial artists were fast, strong and skilled. That made hunting easy, water was the problem. Ryoga knew a survival trick to distill water from the ground, using his plastic emergency blanket to cover a hole dug in the ground with a cup in the middle. This was keeping them alive, but barely. It was slow and not nearly enough. A watering hole was marked on the map, but it was a long journey. If they just walked they couldn't collect their distilled water. So they made only a little progress each day.

They couldn't get the map to change again. Neither had any idea why it had stopped working.

It seemed to take forever to reach the watering hole, but finally they made it. "Gross!" _Muck hole is more like it, _Ranma thought.

"We'll have to boil that." The water was disgusting to behold, but it was the best they were going to get out here. After gathering what little wood they could find Ryoga realised that they were out of tinder. "Damn, should have gathered some dead grass on the way, everything here is too green."

"We could rip the corners off the map, it doesn't go to the edges anyway." Ranma suggested.

"It'll do." He replied as she pulled the map back out.

Just as she was about rip to the paper a voice yelled, "STOP!" They both blinked in surprise and looked around. There didn't seem to be anybody here.

"Show yourself!" Ranma called out.

"Down here." The voice answered.

Both fighters looked down and saw nothing. "Uh..."

"In your hands, you idiot!" The voice cried.

The only thing Ranma was holding was the map. She looked at it, it seemed the same as ever. _Where's that voice coming from? _She wondered as she flipped the map over in her hand. _How did I not see that before?_

There, on the reverse side of the paper was a moving sketch of a beautiful woman in her undergarments. Ryoga looked away, the drawing made him uncomfortable. Ranma couldn't care less what she was wearing, "Was that you talkin' to us?"

The woman nodded, "You mustn't burn my parchment."

"So this is your map? Was it you getting us lost all over the place?" Ranma asked angrily.

"Just a harmless practical joke. No harm done... right?" The drawing asked.

"Ha! I knew it wasn't my curse!" Ryoga yelled out.

"What curse?" Ranma asked him, suspecting he didn't mean the one from Jusenkyo.

"Nevermind that." He tried to look at the parchment without looking at the girl. "How did you move us around, and why?"

"Hmph!" She looked at Ranma, choosing to answer the second question. "She is a disciple of that rotten old man that trapped me in this accursed parchment. To add insult to injury, her father doodled all over it. The indignity! I just wanted a little revenge..."

Ranma's eye twitched, "Tell me why I shouldn't rip you to shreds right now."

"I can send you home! I was a powerful fox spirit once, I still retain some of my magic! Just don't damage my parchment!" She begged.

"Fine, then send us home, now." Ranma demanded.

"Well, I can't _right now_." She stated. Ranma tore the edge of the paper, "No! Wait! It's just that I can only use my magic three times per month! My magic will be restored on the full moon." Ranma seemed satisfied and relaxed her grip on the paper. "Just promise you won't return me to that perverted old man!" Ranma nodded.

Ryoga had a question for the girl, "Why," he asked, "did you only change the map when I touched it?"

"Oh, the short haired girl implied that you would encounter lions, tigers and bears if you were to hold the map. I thought to avoid detection by leading you to believe that you were the cause." She laughed, "That was fun."

_She was just toying with us... _Ryoga was tempted to use her for tinder regardless of her ability to get them home.

* * *

Now that the pair knew that they could easily return home they began to train their chi again. There had been so much going on that they'd fallen behind. They stayed near the filthy watering hole, catching dinner when animals came by for a drink. They had been forced to wander far and wide for wood and grass to build fires though.

The relative peace gave them some time to reflect on the various events of the trip.

Ryoga was both looking forward to and not looking forward to the end if this trip. Of course he was sick of the savanna, but he was still burdened by guilt and was planning to visit Akari as soon as they checked in at the dojo. He also was really not looking forward to seeing Ranma return to male form. While they didn't speak of it,_that_ night was never far from his mind. Getting along with Ranma as a rather cute, albeit often irritating girl was easy. Looking into his rival's eyes once he was male again would be humiliating and a little painful. He figured that some time wandering alone would do him good, he needed to move on.

Ranma was both looking forward to and not looking forward to the end of this trip. Of course she was sick of the Savanna, but her annoying mess of a life was waiting for her back home. Insane fiancees, even crazier suitors, the old letch, her irresponsible father, new and ridiculous threats that only she ever seemed able to deal with, Akane... She felt a pang of guilt, but repressed it. It wasn't her fault as far as she was concerned. She felt a sadness when she thought about returning, she'd gotten used to Ryoga's presence. The thought of the young nomad wandering off again caused a constricted feeling in her chest. She assumed it was because she'd miss her friend.

* * *

Akane was practicing her kata in the dojo when she heard the commotion. Soun and Genma seemed excited about something. When she heard Ranma's voice she quickly ran out to the yard. "Ranma, Ryoga, you're back!"

"Hey Akane." Ranma greeted her casually.

Ryoga wouldn't meet her eyes, "He-hello." He wondered, not for the first time, if Ranma felt no guilt or if she was just very good at hiding it.

"Will you be joining us for dinner?" Asked Kasumi, who had just poked her head outside.

"No," Ryoga shook his head, "I have to go."

"You just got back, where are you planning to go?" Akane asked him.

"I have to see Akari." He would not enjoy that visit.

No one noticed Ranma's hands balling into fists as she spoke. "Well you better go then, wouldn't want to keep _Akari_ waiting."

"Ranma!" Akane yelled. "Don't tease Ryoga like that. I think it's sweet that he wants to see her right away."

"Yes, a boy itching to see his fiancee after a long trip from home, it warms the heart doesn't it, Tendo?" Genma asked.

"Indeed it does, Saotome. If only Ranma here would show such enthusiasm." Soun replied.

"Yeah yeah," she waved her hand absently, "whatever, I need a bath." Then she trotted off into the house.

"I should go..." Ryoga was getting an uncomfortable feeling from Ranma's little outburst. _All the more reason to go away for a while..._

Ranma washed up while the bath water poured. _Ugh, why did I flip out like that?_ She wondered. _It's not like I care what Ryoga does or who he goes to visit_. She stepped into the water.

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

* * *

The whole Tendo family appeared in the bathroom door.

"Ranma, what..." Akane started.

"Eeyaa!" Ranma cried as she grabbed a towel and covered her chest.

"We apologize." Soun and Genma said in unison as they averted their eyes and backed away.

Akane was in too much shock at seeing Ranma's female form sitting in the hot water to notice this new found modesty. "Ranma, you're a girl."

"Oh my!" Said Kasumi (because really, what else does she ever say?)

"Hmm, this is interesting." Nabiki said as a camera flash went off in her hand.

"Nabiki, stop it. This is serious." Akane scolded.

Ranma was just sitting there looking down at herself in a state of shock and utter disbelief.

"Come on Ranma," Akane said as she grabbed a dry towel. "Let's get you out of there and we'll go see doctor Tofu."

Ranma nodded weakly and stood on shaky legs. Akane wrapped the towel over her shoulders and helped her out of the tub.

* * *

"Hmm... Hmm..." Dr. Tofu said as he examined Ranma. "I have some ideas, but I really need to talk to Ranma privately. Akane, would you mind waiting outside?"

"No problem." She went without a fuss.

"What is it doc? Is it bad? How bad is it?" Ranma asked nervously.

"Slow down. We'll get to that. First, tell me about your training trip." Tofu said calmly.

Ranma told him everything, except what happened _that_ night.

"No, none of that explains this condition." He replied. "You said you were a girl the whole time?"

"Yeah, since just after we left the Tendo's." She answered.

"What's the longest you've ever been a girl before then?" Tofu probed.

"Almost a month, when the Old Ghoul hit me with that Full Body Cat's Tongue and about the same with the locking ladle. Is that what's wrong? I spent too much time as a girl? Is there a cure?" She was panicking now.

"No Ranma, that's not it. This is difficult to ask," he hesitated, "but Ranma, while you were on your trip... were you, uh..." He whispered the next bit, "intimate, with a boy?"

Ranma paled visibly, her mouth went dry and she couldn't form words. She opened and closed her mouth several times with no sound coming out. Instead, she nodded. _How does he know..._

"You weren't forced were you?" He asked seriously.

Her pride bristled, "As if he could." She snorted. "It was all the fault of those damned mushrooms!"

"Mushrooms?" Tofu asked.

Ranma explained what had happened and what the mushrooms looked like, leaving out the more personal details.

Tofu pulled a book off his shelf and flipped it open. "These?" He was pointing at a picture of the very mushrooms she had described.

"Yeah, that's them." She tried to read the description but Tofu closed the book after sliding a piece of paper into the correct page.

"I'll let you borrow it." Now that he knew a bit more about what had happened and why, he asked, "Ranma, do you know anything about girls' menstrual cycles?"

Ranma shook her head, making a disgusted face. _And I don't want to know... _

"Well, a girl's cycle is typically around a month long. I suspect that every time you change into a girl you start at day one. About half way through she becomes fertile..." He trailed off a bit here.

_He's not saying...?_

"If conception does not occur, she'll go on to get her period in the first week of the next cycle. You were a girl for two months, but that didn't happen, did it?" He asked gently.

Ranma shook her head, not liking where this was going one bit.

"Ranma, I need you to provide a urine sample." He handed her a cup and shooed her into the washroom. _Oh dear... _He thought to himself.

Ranma came back a few minutes later with the now full cup in hand. Tofu stuck a plastic stick in it and looked at his watch. He seemed to be making a point of not looking Ranma in the eye. Two minutes later he pulled it out and looked at it with a sad sigh.

"I'm sorry Ranma, you're..." He took a deep breath, "you're pregnant."

"Good one doc." She said, "what's it really?"

He just looked at her sympathetically. _He's not joking. _Ranma's world shattered.

"That's not possible, I'm a guy!" She was certain there had to be a mistake.

"You were a girl at the time, and remain to be one even now." He reminded her.

"So, how do I fix it?" She asked desperately.

"You can't. I don't know if it's a safeguard in the curse, or merely the pregnancy hormones, but you will remain a girl at least until you give birth. Possibly longer if you breastfeed the baby." Tofu realized he'd said too much and scared the boy.

"B-b-b-baby? Breastfeed? I'm a guy! I can't have a baby! This is crazy! You're lying! This had got to be some sort of joke! Who put you up to this? Was it Nabiki? It wasn't the crazy girl in the map was it? I can't be... can't be..." her hysterical rant ended in a mournful wail. Dr. Tofu patted her shoulder.

When she finally calmed down she asked, "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Well you should really be taking a multivitamin." He rummaged through a cupboard and handed her a pill bottle. "I'd normally suggest an ob/gyn but in your case I'm going to recommend you see a friend if mine. She's a midwife, well practiced in Chinese medicine and martial arts. If the curse causes any side effects, she'll be the most knowledgeable." He handed her a business card. "I will let you inform the Tendo's yourself, but I do suggest you don't keep it from them for too long. Dragging it out will only make it harder in the long run."

Ranma nodded and left Tofu's office in a daze.

"So? What did you find out?" Akane asked.

"I-I don't want to talk about it right now Akane." Ranma took off running.

Akane, annoyed and wanting answers, went into the clinic. "Dr. Tofu? What happened to Ranma?"

"I'm sorry Akane, I can't tell you that. Ranma will tell you herself when she's ready. Please be patient with her, it was very upsetting news and she may need time to adjust before she's comfortable discussing it." Tofu advised. He didn't want Akane getting violent with Ranma given the state she was in.

_Oh, no, it must be serious._ "Yes Dr. Tofu, I will." She promised.


	5. Chapter 5

**Magic and Mushrooms ch5**

Ranma stared into the starry night sky. She was laying on the roof of the Tendo dojo, the borrowed book laying open beside her. She had read and re-read the section on the mushrooms but still couldn't accept what it had to say. There had to be a mistake, maybe the ones she ate just looked like these...

She sat up and studied the picture. It was no good, she was certain that these were the same ones. "Dammit!" She cried as she slammed the book closed. Her carefully constructed denial pile had been washed away and now everything she didn't want to confront was staring her in the face. Every thought she had had _that_ night was playing through her mind, taunting her and generally making a mess of everything she had ever believed about herself.

The truth was right there in the pages of that infernal book. The mushrooms didn't make you a sex crazed deviant as she had previously assumed. No, it was so much worse. They strengthened your subconscious mind, allowing you to find your deepest, most secret desires, even ones you hid from yourself and eased your inhibitions long enough to act upon them. This could have mild or devastating consequences. They could bolster your courage and allow you to confess to your heart's desire or they could free a person's most violent fantasies, allowing him to kill without fear of the consequences.

Ranma supposed it was a good thing that she hadn't gone on a killing spree. No, what she had found was that, she, Ranma Saotome, self proclaimed man among men, had a crush on and was sexually attracted to her best _male_ friend. At least while in the body of a girl, but there was no escaping that body now. _Because I'm... _She couldn't even think the word. _Dammit! Why couldn't I have just been a guy at the time? _

"Why does weird stuff always happen to me?" She wailed in frustration.

"You do have a knack for getting into trouble." Ranma jumped back, startled. She hadn't expected a reply.

"Akane! What'd ya sneak up on me for?" She asked as she righted herself.

"I'd hardly call it sneaking. It's not my fault that you were spacing out." She replied as she took a seat beside Ranma.

"I wasn't spacin' out. I was just thinkin'."

"Whatever you say Ranma. Do you want to talk about it?" Akane asked.

"No."

"Well if you change your mind, I'm here for you." Akane really wanted to know what was going on, but she had promised Dr. Tofu that she wouldn't pry too much.

Ranma only made a grunting noise in response.

"So, you got back just in time, school starts tomorrow." Akane tried to change the subject.

"Like I care about..." She trailed off. "I can't go like this! I'm a girl!" She whined.

"So? Everyone at school knows about the curse already. It should be no big deal." Akane really didn't think anyone would care, well except Kuno.

"Of course it's a big deal. I could change back before!" _And you're gonna get big soon,_ her mind supplied. "Aaahhhh! I hadn't even considered that!" She screeched out loud as she tugged at her hair.

"Considered what?" Akane was disturbed by Ranma's outburst, she was usually more collected than this.

"Nothin', I gotta go." She answered, then leapt off the roof.

Akane huffed angrily. _How am I supposed to help him if he won't tell me what's going on?_ She noticed then the book Ranma had left behind. _What's this?_ She wondered as she took it back to her room.

* * *

Ranma was sitting quietly in the room she shared with her father, he was still downstairs with Mr Tendo, probably playing shogi.

_I don't feel any different, if I really am,_ Her mind skipped over the word, thinking it would make it feel too real, _wouldn't I feel it or something? _She searched her mind for everything she knew about the subject. It wasn't much. First came sex, _check_, she sighed internally. After that the women on tv often threw up a lot, _none of that so far... _their bellies blew up like balloons. _My figure!_ Her mind screamed. _Not what's important right now!_ Another part of her mind yelled back. The last step seemed to be cursing and screaming in a hospital bed whilst crushing the hand of the man responsible. _Ryoga_...

She had been able to admit to herself, in her own head, that she had a crush on him, _sometimes_. That didn't mean she wanted a -shudder- relationship with him though. Her pride as a male, while tattered, wouldn't allow it. _Like that's your biggest problem right now... _besides he was happy with Akari, _a real girl. Me? I'm just some freak of nature!_

Ranma really wished she could make this all just go away. She rolled onto her side and saw the knapsack that she had yet to unpack. _I wonder... _The sketched woman was right where she'd left her. "Hey, can you only transport people with your magic, or can ya do other stuff?"

"I can, but please don't ask me to find panties." She replied.

"Why the heck would I want panties?" Ranma struggled not to yell, she didn't want anyone to get curious about what she was doing.

"That has been what I've done for over sixty years. Month after month that disgusting old man used my magic to track down the most delicate and dainty of panties to add to his collection." She said sadly, "Look, he even drew me in underwear!"

"He drew you? I thought you said that you were a fox spirit?" Ranma asked curiously.

"I was once, but he sketched me using a magical pencil. It trapped my soul within this parchment." She answered.

Ranma decided that sucked, but she had get this conversation back on track. "So, with your magic... could you turn me into a boy?"

The sketch shook her head, "No, the power of your curse is stronger than my magic. Even before my imprisonment I doubt I could have helped you."

_Damn_... Ranma tried to look at the problem from a different angle. "I'm... could you get rid of... I don't wanna be..." Since she couldn't even think the word, saying it was impossible.

The sketch seemed to know what she was asking though, even though Ranma hadn't told her what was going on. "I cannot meddle in the magic of life and death, nor in affairs of the heart."

"Useless..." Ranma muttered as she shoved the parchment into the drawer where she kept her boxers. The Old Freak wouldn't find her there.

* * *

Akane had read and re-read the section of the book that was marked. _Shows you your secret subconscious desires and allows you to act on them? Ranma! Did you discover that deep down you wanted to be a girl and you found a way to do it?_ Akane gave it some thought.

Ranma did spend an awful lot of time as a girl. He enjoyed eating ice cream parfaits and other girly treats. He liked talking vendors into giving him free food, going so far as to hit on them. He'd even accepted a date with a guy once for free coffee! He dressed up as a girl to play tricks on boys and accepted martial arts challenges as a girl frequently. He was also vain, he touted his beauty constantly and fought to defend it once when called ugly.

_That's it, Ranma wanted to be a woman, but his stubborn pride is fighting with his decision_ (Swing and a miss). Akane wasn't sure how to deal with this revelation. Ranma was supposed to be a guy and her fiancée. Deep in her heart she knew she liked him, maybe even loved him, he just made her so mad sometimes. She had taken for granted that they would marry one day. She couldn't decide if she should be mad at Ranma for doing this to her, sad that she'd lost a fiancée, sympathetic toward Ranma who would no longer be living a lie, or happy that she could have the friend she thought she'd found in Ranma when they first met. She had a lot to think about that night as she laid in bed.

Ranma woke up to a terrible smell, something was burning, or rotting, or burning _and _rotting_._ Her stomach heaved. "Urrg." She dressed and slowly made her way downstairs. The smell was getting stronger with every step she took, her stomach was practically doing somersaults.

"Ranma, you're up! I made you breakfast." Akane thrust a plate of something unidentifiable under her nose.

"Uuuurh..." Ranma turned and ran to the washroom, knocking Nabiki out of her way. She made it to the toilet just in time, there wasn't much in her stomach but it came out anyway.

"Tried Akane's cooking did you?" Nabiki asked.

"Hey!" Akane yelled at her sister. "He- she didn't even try it yet, it's not my fault. He- she must be sick." She grabbed a washcloth and handed it to Ranma to clean up. "Come on, let's get you back to bed."

Ranma shook her head, "Outside, fresh air..."

"Sure, whatever you want." Akane held her and guided her into the back yard. "Better now?"

Ranma nodded.

"Good." Akane stood, "So, do you want the food I made now? To get your strength back?"

"No!" She flailed her arms in front of her.

Akane narrowed her eyes, "What was that?" One eye twitched.

Ranma realised her mistake, "I mean, because my stomach is unsettled. I don't think I can eat anything right now."

She calmed instantly, "Oh, ok. Well I've gotta go to school, you better stay home for the day."

Ranma agreed.

* * *

There was an expression for this, killing someone with kindness, that's what Akane was doing. Every morning she made some foul concoction that would send Ranma straight to the toilet. Thankfully Akane seemed to be convinced that Ranma had the flu, and was trying her hardest to help Ranma get better. She was being so nice that Ranma was beginning to feel the weight of her repressed guilt for cheating on her fiancee.

Ranma was sick of being sick, she knew she needed to do something about the situation, but what? She found answer when Kasumi came to collect the laundry. Before handing over her clothes, Ranma always checked her pockets, ever since she'd ruined a coupon for a free sundae. That's how she found the forgotten business card.

Ranma crept downstairs after Kasumi left, she knew the girl would be busy, that should only leave her father and Mr Tendo in the house. The two were on the porch playing shogi, she passed them silently into the hallway where the phone was located. She peeked around to make sure the coast was clear then pulled the card from her pocket. Hesitating only for a moment, she dialed the number.

* * *

"Yes, I'd like to make an appointment."

"Ranma Saotome."

"Dr. Tofu referred me."

"As soon as possible."

"Please, it's urgent"

"This afternoon? Great."

"Thank you."

Nabiki, who was running quite late for school, had come up the hallway just as Ranma dialed the phone. _What is he up to..._ As soon as Ranma left the hallway Nabiki picked up the receiver and pressed redial.

"Xiao Tao's Chinese medicinal midwifery clinic, how can I help you?" Nabiki hung up quickly. _Stuck as a girl, vomiting, and a midwife? Oh. My. God._

* * *

Ryoga was running for his life. A pitchfork that had been thrown like a javelin narrowly missed him. The safety of the treeline was so close... just another few steps. A voice from behind shouted, "Get back here you pig. I'm gonna roast you on a spit!" A rock whizzed past his ear and a curse was muttered far behind him. Then the trees were all around him, he relaxed just a little, but he didn't stop running.

He had made it to Akari's ranch in record time, thanks to a farmer that had gone to town to sell his produce that had given him a ride. Akari had been heartbroken when he confessed to her what he had done. With eyes full of tears she had broken up with him. She would have let it go at that, she was too sweet a girl to be vengeful.

Her grandfather on the other hand had overheard and saw red. Determined to defend his granddaughter's honor he had taken it upon himself to bodily injure Ryoga. He'd chased him out of the house and across the property uttering curses and threats alike. Ryoga was quite sure that if he ever stepped foot on that ranch again he'd be a dead man.

No longer welcome where he was and not wanting to return to the Tendo's just yet, Ryoga decided to see if he could find his way home. It was a long shot, but what else did he have to do?

* * *

Ranma looked up and down the street before entering the clinic. _If anyone saw me go into a place like this.._. She shuddered.

A pretty, young Chinese girl greeted her, "Hello, how can I help you?"

"I have an appointment, Ranma Saotome." She replied.

"Ah, yes, please take a seat." The girl gestured to a row of chairs along the side wall.

Ranma picked up a magazine off the chair next to her. She flipped it open to a random page, the article on the page started with, 'Sex during pregnancy? Yes you can, seven positions that will rock your world.' Ranma slammed the magazine down as if it had bitten her. _What kind of crazy, perverted magazine... _

"The midwife will see you now."

She was ushered into an examination room where a wrinkled old lady that reminded her of Cologne waited for her.

"Hop up on the bed dear." The woman instructed. As Ranma laid down, the woman continued. "Dr. Tofu has told me all about you, I must admit, I didn't expect to see you quite this soon. Pull up your shirt dear." The old woman put her hands on Ranma's stomach and Ranma felt chi probing her abdomen. "Hmm, yes, just over seven weeks along. Steady heartbeat." The probing chi washed over Ranma's whole body. "Yes, you're doing well yourself. Blood pressure is good..." She trailed off, _What is this? How very interesting... her chi flow is most unusual. I haven't seen a chi like this since... _The chi receded. "You are full of questions, I can tell. Sit up and ask what you would like to know."

_She's good..._ Ranma thought to herself. "How did ya send your chi into my body like that?"

The old midwife was surprised, "You actually felt it?" _Dr. Tofu wasn't kidding about the child's skills._

Ranma nodded, "Yeah, it spread from your fingers outward, like a spider's web."

"Impressive." Complimented the old woman. "It's a special technique of martial arts midwifery called the 'mama and baby wellness exam'."

"Martial arts midwifery?" There really was a martial art for everything...

"Yes, based on thousands of years of Chinese medicinal martial arts history. Speaking of which, you had questions for me?" She asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

_Oh, right,_ "Is there a way to change me back to a guy so that this," she indicated her stomach, "just goes away?"

"No, even jumping in the Nannichuan would likely do nothing at this time. That or it could kill you, as you would change but the fetus may remain. You are a rather unique case. Unless you want to be a guinea pig for future cases, I would recommend not trying any Jusenkyo cures." The old woman warned.

"There must be something I can do, anything. I'm a guy! This isn't suppose to be happening. Please, if you know of anything, anything at all... I'll do whatever it takes!" Never one to give up, Ranma knew there had to be something.

"Well, there is one option. It might be dangerous. You would again be a guinea pig, it's never been done before in a case such as yours." She really hadn't wanted to offer the child this option. While the chance of contacting hot water during the procedure was low, it was impossible to rule out, Jusenkyo curses attracted water at the most inopportune moments. If she should turn back into a boy during the procedure it could well be fatal. On the other hand if she discovered the possibility through another clinic without any experience in magic and curses, the girl would likely jump at it and would increase her risk exponentially.

"Whatever it is, I'll do it!" At this point she felt there was nothing she wouldn't do to get her life back to normal (as normal as her life got anyway).

The old midwife sighed, "So be it. The only way is to terminate the pregnancy, abortion. I cannot perform it for you. You will have to wait for a colleague of mine to return from abroad. He is most skilled and with the two of us, should things go terribly wrong, you will stand the best chance of coming out alive."

"When will he be back?" The sooner it was over with, in Ranma's mind, the better.

"In two weeks. You may make an appointment with my secretary. Until then I can keep you comfortable, have you had any nausea?"

"Just this mornin'." Ranma replied.

"Here," the midwife whipped a -lit- moxa roll out of nowhere and poked Ranma in the leg, "that is the ancient anti-nausea moxibustion technique." She handed the roll to Ranma, "use it on the pressure point I just showed you."

Ranma did as instructed.

"Excellent. Whenever you feel nausea, use that to relieve it." The old woman smiled, the child had hit the pressure point just right after having seen it only once. _This one has potential. _The she frowned._ Such a pity..._ "Oh, and do try not to pick any fights. Any complications could be deadly." _For you and your opponent both... then again, it may prove useful._

"I'll try." The problem was that fights often picked her. "Um, about payment..." Ranma didn't have any money, she hoped they could work out a payment plan.

"Seeing such a unique case is payment enough for me dear. Don't worry about it." It was a once in a lifetime opportunity after all.

"Thank you."

Ranma made an appointment to come back in two weeks and left for home. She didn't notice that she had a camera wielding stalker.

* * *

"Hello Ranma, I think you and I need to have a little chat." Nabiki said later that evening when the two were alone in the hallway.

"What do you want Nabiki?" Nothing good ever came from her 'little chats'.

"Not out here." She dragged Ranma into her room. "Explain." Nabiki said as she held up a photo of Ranma in front of the midwifery clinic.

"How did you...?" Ranma asked in a panic.

"I have my ways." She replied mysteriously. "I never would have expected this from you. Oh I know Akane says you're a pervert all the time, but honestly, the only person I know more sexually repressed than you is Ryoga."

Ranma balled her fists and her cheeks turned pink.

Appraising Ranma's reaction, Nabiki came to a new conclusion. "Oh, I see. So Ryoga is the baby's daddy, eh? It must have been quite a trick getting that boy to loosen up. I suppose it shouldn't come as a surprise, he was the only company you had for weeks."

"What do you want Nabiki?" She repeated, rage and panic were warring within Ranma just then, fighting to get out.

"You haven't got any money, the only way I'll keep my mouth shut is if you do me a favor." She smiled slyly.

"What kind of favor?" Ranma asked with reasonable suspicion.

"If I told you, it would ruin half the fun. You should just agree and hold on to your little secret while it lasts."

_Oh, it'll last._ "Deal." As far as Ranma was concerned she only had to keep this quiet for two weeks, then it would be all over.


	6. Chapter 6

**Magic and Mushrooms Ch6**

Ranma had been having bouts of nausea frequently, mostly in the presence of Akane's cooking. Unfortunately, Akane was doing a lot of cooking. Fortunately, the moxibustion was working. She could smell the rancid stench creeping up the stairway and under her door this very second. Covering her head with the blankets provided little protection, but it would have to do, she was feeling too tired to get up at the moment. Alas a lay in was not in the cards this morning.

"Nihao Ranma!" Came the chipper voice of Shampoo from the bedroom window. Ranma groaned and pulled the blankets tighter, even though she knew it was futile. "Shampoo is bringing medicine for cold. Ranma feel better soon so can take Shampoo on date." (Shampoo's intentions were innocent and pure, her medicine wasn't tainted. Really. There was absolutely not an extremely strong love potion in there)

The blankets were ripped from Ranma's grip, Shampoo was standing over her holding a bottle and a spoon. "Oh, Shampoo, didn't hear ya there." Shampoo took the greeting as an invitation to attempt to shove the spoon in Ranma's mouth. Ranma rolled out of bed just in time to see her pillow coated in the viscous substance. Ranma was no fool, no way was she drinking that.

As Ranma tried to think up an excuse to get rid of the Amazon girl, another figure entered her room through the window. _Does anyone know how use the door around here? _(Hint: The answer is no)

"Morning Ranma Honey!" Ukyo exclaimed as she pulled out her portable grill and started piling on ingredients. "I heard you were under the weather and decided to fix you some of my cure-all okonomiyaki."

"Ranma no can eat stupid girl's food. Shampoo bring special medicine, is much better." Another spoonful of the questionable substance was thrust Ranma's way. A throwing spatula knocked the spoon from Shampoo's grasp.

"No, Ranma Honey is going to eat my special okonomiyaki." She flipped it off the grill and it landed on a plate. Ukyo knelt before Ranma and presented him with her most recent creation. (If it happened to have a bit of herb rumoured to enhance romantic feelings, it was purely coincidence. Really. No hidden agenda here...)

"Er..." was all Ranma managed before the room was flooded with black rose petals. _Seriously, we have a door!_

"Where is my Ranma darling? You awful, awful girl, what have you done with him?" Kodachi stepped accross the room, a teacup in hand. "I made him some herbal tea to ease his cold." (And perhaps help him get some extremely deep sleep, during which Kodachi would most certainly respect his body. Really. She had no plans to violate the unconscious boy whatsoever)

Kodachi, intent on getting the pigtailed girl to confess to hiding her dearest Ranma, didn't notice the grill on the floor. The teacup flew through the air as Kodachi tripped. The hot liquid splashed out of the cup and landed on Ranma, who screamed from the unexpected burn. "It's hot! It's hot! It's hot!"

Ukyo and Shampoo blinked in surprise.

"Ranma, you is..."

"Ranma Honey, you're..."

"Do not call that wretched girl by my beloved's name." Kodachi had tired of this little game, the pigtailed girl had most assuredly hidden her Ranma dearest and she was determined to get him back. To that end, she pulled out her gymnastics ribbon and launched an attack on the red head.

Ranma had been preparing to dodge when a spatula appeared before her face, the end of the ribbon wrapped around it. A metre beyond, a chui had slammed down on the middle of the ribbon, cracking the floor boards. Ranma's three suitors glared at one another. It was on.

Ribbons, gymnastic clubs, spatulas and chuis streaked across the room in a hailstorm of chaos. Ranma's face twisted into a scowl, she just wanted to go back to bed and these three were being way too noisy and annoying first thing in the morning. Her hand balled into a fist, she sped across the room and launched an uppercut into kodachi's chin that sent the girl flying out the window. Ukyo and Shampoo followed like strings on a kite, as they'd both been caught up in kodachi's ribbon.

Ranma heaved a great sigh and flopped back into her futon, minus the sticky pillow. Finally, some peace and quiet.

Seconds later her door opened to reveal Akane holding a tray laden with food... Akane's home cooked food, judging by the smell. Ranma thought she might cry, but first...

The bathroom door slammed shut behind her.

* * *

As much as Ranma had enjoyed her days off from school, the novelty of being 'sick' had worn off. She didn't want a repeat of yesterday morning. Today she'd used the moxa roll before even a whiff of Akane's cooking reached her, with a plan to feign recovery. Her stomach grumbled, days of evading food had left her extremely hungry.

She crept downstairs and a mouth watering aroma greeted her. It seemed as though the extra caution was unnecessary, Kasumi was clearly doing the cooking today. She paid little attention to the other members of household as she dug into the food with gusto. Man, it was good. She finished one bowl and rapidly filled another. She was so involved that she missed the shell shocked expressions of everyone watching. "I'm gonna go get dressed for school." She said as she headed back up to her room.

Soun, Genma, Nabiki and Kasumi tried their food cautiously. They all realised suddenly that they were full and had important things to do elsewhere.

Akane slowly brought her chopsticks up to her mouth. She paled. "Blech!" _How did Ranma eat this? _Sweetened condensed milk with pickles in rice may not have been her best idea.

* * *

"Ah, what beauteous creatures I see before me. My glorious pigtailed goddess and the lovely Akane Tendo. How glorious it must be for you to find yourself basking in my radiance." Enter Tatewaki Kuno, stage left.

_Oh great, this idiot... _"I don't see any radiance, although I do see somethin' ridiculous, you." Ranma replied. She turned to the girl at her side, "Akane, you go on ahead, I can handle this."

Akane looked hesitant, but class was about to start. "Ok, but don't be too late." She said before heading into the school."

"How eager you are for us to be alone together. I shall oblige you, let us date." Kuno proclaimed loudly.

Ranma reached into her school bag, "Oh, my darling Kuno. In honor of this momentous occasion, allow me to present you with a gift." _Fight crazy with crazy..._

"Yes, anything you desire, I shall permit!" He held his arms wide as if expecting an embrace to be the gift.

Ranma pulled her secret weapon out of her bag. "Here!" She hurled the chi infused rope at Kuno. It took him completely by surprise and dragged him backwards until he hit the statue of the principal. The two ends of the rope embedded themselves into the stone and held him in place. "See ya later Nutjob!" She shouted as she took off to class.

* * *

Ryoga was sure that his home must be nearby. The street and all the buildings looked so familiar. Then again, it was dark.

-splash-

From a window high above, Ryoga heard a voice say, "Be careful throwing dish water out the window, you could hit somebody."

"Don't worry, there's no one out there but a pig." Came the reply.

He groaned inwardly, (outwardly it sounded like a squeal) and dragged his clothes and bag into some bushes to be recovered later.

"There you are."

_What's she doing here?_

* * *

Ranma had managed to keep out of trouble and fights so far. It hadn't been easy, Kuno had been pursuing her relentlessly and she was running out of ideas to fend him off. Shampoo had been trying to drag her to be checked up by Cologne. There had been a mystery challenger at the dojo that she'd had to talk Akane into fighting alone. Then one of the gymnasts hurt herself and Ranma had to help Akane train to replace her, she was still terrible. She'd been having bizarre food cravings. To top it off Nabiki had finally revealed what her favor would be and it was humiliating. All that added up to one hormonal and cranky Ranma.

Akane came home late from gymnastics practice, exceedingly happy. "Look, P-chan is back!" She announced in the living room, Soun and Genma were not impressed and quietly continued their shogi game.

Akane shrugged and headed to her room babbling happily to the little black piglet. "...and that's how Saiyuri tripped and twisted her ankle. Now I get to fill in for her, isn't that exciting P-chan?"

Suddenly Ranma burst into the hallway from Nabiki's room, wearing a very skimpy, very naughty, maid costume.

The piglet in Akane's arms had a sudden attack of nose bleed-itis brought on by a sudden rush of impure thoughts. Akane of course didn't notice.

"Ranma, what are you wearing?" She asked incredulously.

Ranma didn't want to explain the details, so she said, "I owe Nabiki a favor." as if that was enough, and it really was, Akane knew her sister well. Ranma sent Ryoga a glare that looked like it could kill. "Lost are you P-chan? I'm pretty sure this isn't where you want to be." While Ranma had felt a thrill at the reaction she'd just elicited from little pig, she couldn't help being annoyed him for some reason. (It had nothing to do with his visit to Akari. Really. Nope, nothing at all)

"Stop picking on P-Chan" Akane said with an eyeroll as she headed for her room.

"Where are you goin'?" Ranma asked.

"To bed, I have to be up early." She replied.

An angry aura flared around Ranma, reminiscent of the one often exuded by Akane herself when angry with Ranma.

Akane turned in shock. _What did I do?_

Ryoga was frightened. He'd never seen Ranma so angry before, and from her glare he suspected it was directed entirely at him.

It vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. Looking into P-chan's eyes Ranma said, "Hmph! As if I care who you sleep with anyway." before storming down the hall into her own room, slamming the door behind her.

Akane went into her bedroom and put P-chan down on the bed. "Seriously, what is her problem anyway. I've been trying my best to be supportive of her and this is the thanks I get?."

Ryoga wasn't sure what was going on, but he suspected that he wasn't going to like it.

* * *

Ryoga had been stuck as P-Chan for several days now. When Akane was home she wouldn't let him out of her sight and she'd been locking him in her room while she was at school (well, the door wasn't locked, but a locked door and a closed door to a piglet weren't that much different).

He was still bewildered by all the changes around the Tendo home. Ranma seemed to be staying a girl full time and was swinging between moods rather violently. One minute she'd be calm and composed, the next she'd be oozing a depressive aura that could rival his own, and then for very little reason she could fly off the handle in an angry fit only to deflate the very next minute back into unnerving calmness. She definitely did not approve of Akane having him in her bed. She never had, but his gut told him that the reasoning had changed. Ranma was indebted to Nabiki somehow. The most terrifying thing was that Ranma was eating Akane's cooking voluntarily, and seemed be _enjoying_ it.

Akane was being exceptionally kind to Ranma, despite her mood swings. Akane seemed to pity her for some reason that she hadn't fully discussed with her pet pig. Phrases like "poor Ranma", "she needs my support right now", and "with everything she's going through" were his only clues.

If only he could get himself to some hot water he might be able to find some answers to what was going on in the Tendo home.

-click-

"Oh, hello little piggy, don't mind me." Kasumi was collecting the laundry. As soon as her back was turned Ryoga made a break for the door.

_Freedom! _In the bathroom he found the hot water already prepared. He didn't see anyone though, so he leapt in head first.

"Hey! Water no is for you, pig boy." Shampoo was sitting on the window ledge looking at Ryoga in disapproval.

"What are you doing here Shampoo?" He asked while making sure she couldn't see anything under the water.

"I is bringing Airen one time use Nannichuan powder so that he can take Shampoo on date." She sounded quite proud of her plan.

"Why would Ranma need..." gears in Ryoga's head turned and clicked, "Ranma is stuck as a girl?"

"Yes, is too too tragic." She lamented.

"How? Why?" He asked.

"Shampoo not know. He say happen on training trip." Her eyes narrowed, "Wait, you was on training trip, you know what happen?" Her tone was accusatory.

"What? No! I didn't know until you told me, remember?" An angry Shampoo was a violent Shampoo, he didn't need that.

"Maybe Shampoo make you remember."

_Crap..._

Her chui appeared in her hands suddenly and she crashed one down into the tub, cracking it. Ryoga hopped away quickly, backing into the bathroom's entryway and grabbing a spare set of clothes he had hidden away there. The cupboard was smashed to bits a second later by an unreasonably angry Shampoo. Ryoga turned and ran, dressing as he went. He nearly killed himself tripping over his pants as he pulled them up.

The two ran through the living room past Soun and Genma, who were as usual playing shogi. Ryoga was ducking and weaving, hesitant to hit a girl. Shampoo was causing wholesale destruction everywhere her chui landed. Ryoga fled the house, jumped the property's wall and took off down the street with Shampoo in pursuit.

Back inside the living room, a broken light fixture hung from the ceiling, family photos were strewn about the floor, their frames broken, glass shattered. The table was cracked down the middle and there were craters and holes in the walls, the floor and even the ceiling.

"Check." Soun said in a calm and level voice.

-Do over- read the sign Genma held up.

It was a fairly normal day after all.

* * *

Ranma and Akane were sitting under a tree outside Furinkan High during their lunch break. Akane was being 'thoughtful' again by making Ranma lunch, while she herself ate one made by Kasumi. For once though, Ranma didn't seem to mind. Food cravings were upon her and Akane's food was unintentionally perfect for someone desiring that strange combination of foods enjoyed by pregnant women everywhere.

"Ranma Saotome! I challenge you." An angry voice provided the perfect distraction.

"What did I do to upset you today?" Ranma hadn't even seen the nearly blind boy in months.

"Don't take me for a fool. I know you asked Shampoo out on a date today! Once I defeat you though, she'll be all mine." As Mousse announced this, Ranma peeked at Akane's reaction. Nothing. She was watching with interest, but not a hint of jealousy.

_Hmm, maybe she's finally starting to believe I'm not a womanizer._ Ranma thought. _She should have been more worried about men..._ her mind commented. "Shut up!" She yelled out loud.

"Afraid are you? Well that's just too bad, Shampoo is mine!" Mousse yelled as he began his attack. Various chains and ropes shot from his sleeves, all of them wrapped around Akane. "I've got you now Ranma!"

"Akane!" Ranma cried as she whipped off her belt. She hardened it with chi and slashed through the chains connecting Akane to Mousse.

Akane jumped aside while shaking off the remains of the ropes. "Put your glasses on you idiot!" She yelled, not at all pleased by the treatment she had just received.

Mousse did as he was instructed. "Ranma you coward, you would have Akane fight in your place?"

"You attacked her, you moron!" That reminded her though, she wasn't supposed to be getting in fights. "Hey, I don't suppose you'd be willing to settle this the day after tomorrow?"

"Not a chance!" He replied as he charged in her direction.

Ranma used the chi blade belt to deflect the blows he was sending her way. _I gotta think of a way to stop this fight._ Mousse wasn't giving her any openings. Suddenly an idea struck her and she jumped into the tree above. She grabbed as many leaves as she could and hardened them with chi, sending a dozen projectiles in his direction. There were a few rips in his clothing but he'd managed to evade most of them, she expected as much though. Pulling on the chi strings, she reversed the leaves and they crashed into Mousse's back. _Damn_... Even though they had all hit their target, he had taken no damage.

"Ah yes, my new cloak is enchanted to repel chi attacks! Surprised are you, Saotome?" Mousse laughed at this.

Ranma couldn't risk a direct fight with him yet. It was time then to use the Saotome secret technique, Fast Break. Ranma jumped from the tree ran away until she could think of a new strategy.

"Get back here you coward!" Mousse shouted as he pursued her down the street. Akane wasn't far behind, someone had to make sure Ranma made it back to class on time.

Just as Ranma was about to turn a corner Ryoga ran past. Ranma turned to ask him to help her with this idiot, "Wait, Ryoga gimme a hand-". Three things happened at once, Ryoga turned to look at her, Shampoo ran around the corner and Mousse hit Ranma in the stomach with an iron ball on a chain. "-oomph."

Ranma looked down in shock, a wave of maternal protectiveness crawled up from her very depths. She hadn't cared a lick about the growing baby before, she had planned to be rid of it the very next day, but the instinct to protect was powerful right then, overwhelming even. "You bastard!" The red flames of her battle aura burst forth and she seemed to grow in size before the other shocked teens. The aura was hot, angry and so malevolent that the others were petrified in place.

"I'll kill you!" Her voice was deep and demonic as she spoke. Her eyes were sparking as she stepped towards the frozen Mousse. "Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken." She littered him with punches, the aura was so intense that he couldn't fight back. He fell to his knees but still she rained blows down upon him. He flopped forward onto his face, she raised her foot and was about to bring it down on his head when someone grabbed her from behind.

The aura vanished immediately and Ranma blinked a few times. "Wha-" pain washed over her and she gripped her stomach, collapsing onto her knees.

"Hey, are you ok?" Ryoga's voice asked from beside her.

She shook her head, "hospital" was all she was able to say before consciousness left her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Updates may be a little slower during the holiday season.**

**Magic and Mushrooms Ch7**

Ryoga was alone in the street holding an unconscious Ranma in his arms. _Dammit! How am I supposed to find a hospital? _Shampoo had left to take Mousse to the Cat Cafe and Akane and run home to tell Ranma's father and the Tendos that Ranma would be the hospital... assuming Ryoga could find it of course. He cursed them for having left him there alone then took off in the direction he thought it might be in.

Normally he would not have resorted to this, but he was desperate. He asked the first person he came across to please walk him to the hospital, this was no time to merely ask for directions. They thought he was a tad on the 'special' side, but did it anyway for the sake of the poor girl in his arms.

A nurse rushed over when he entered the emergency room. "What happened to her?"

"She was hit in the stomach with an iron ball. She screamed and clutched at herself, then she fainted." He decided it was best not to include her violent outburst.

The nurse rushed into a side room and came back with two men pushing a gurney. Ryoga laid her down on it, she looked so small suddenly. She had been frighteningly powerful just thirty minutes prior, but now she looked as if a touch could break her. They wheeled her away and he was asked to sit in the waiting area.

The wait seemed like an eternity. He spent the time wondering what could have caused Ranma to snap like she had. Mousse could be annoying, but no one deserved what she had almost done to him.

The nurse that had met them at the door walked down the hallway to meet him.

"How is she?" He asked.

"She's doing well and the baby seems fine. If she'd been struck even an inch lower she may have lost it. What was she doing fighting in her condition anyway?" The nurse finished on a scolding tone.

"She was attacked!" He thought so anyway, Ranma wouldn't have bothered picking a fight with Mousse. _Wait_... "Did you say baby!?" He shouted.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I had assumed you were the father." He had to sit down. He took some deep breaths, _Could I be...? No, it can't be. But what if i am? _

"Anyway, she's awake if you want to see her. She's been moved to room 202. Oh, and she kept asking about someone named Mousse." With that said the nurse turned and left.

The armrest cracked under his fingers. _Mousse? Then it's him? Is that why they were fighting? _Ryoga supposed he should have felt relieved, but instead he found a strange ache in his chest. After taking several minutes to collect himself, he walked down the hall until he found her room. She was sitting on the bed looking out the window when he sat down.

"Thank you, for stopping me." She said quietly.

"Yeah, no problem." He replied. He wanted to ask if it was true, but he couldn't form the words.

"I wouldn't have been able to live with myself..." her fingers were clutching the blanket tightly.

The ache in Ryoga's chest twisted like a knife. "So, you and Mousse? How could you this to m-" he paused, "...Akane?" _Why did I almost say that? I don't care what Ranma does or who she does it with._

Ranma's head spun around, "What?" It took a second to figure out what Ryoga was implying. "You moron!" She slapped him upside his head.

Ryoga gritted his teeth together as he jumped up and grabbed the front of her gown threateningly.

"Sleeping with guys isn't somethin' I make a habit of." Ranma said with an eyeroll. "It's yours, dumbass."

His grip on her gown released. "Oh." He said, the corners of his lips curling into a slight grin as he sat down again. "What are you-" he was cut off when someone entered the room.

"Oh, don't mind me." The woman said as she pushed in some sort of medical device on wheels. She looked at Ranma, "Hello, I'm Sakura, I'm an ultrasound technician. I know they checked when you came in, but I'm going to have a closer look to double check how everything is doing. We'll get clearer images now that you have a full bladder. You did drink all the water you were given, right?"

Ranma nodded, and returned to looking out the window.

"Maybe I should-" Ryoga started.

"Oh, you don't have to go." Sakura told him, "I'm sure you want to see too."

"Er, ok." He had to admit, he was curious.

"Lay down and pull up your gown." Sakura instructed as she set up her equipment. Soon she was rubbing gel on Ranma's abdomen, then she started up the machine. As she ran the wand over Ranma she pointed to the screen. "This is the baby." Ryoga thought it looked like a peanut. "The bigger part is the head, and this is the body. Look, you can just barely see a tiny leg here." Ryoga squinted, but couldn't see it. "Ok, let's have a listen." She flipped a switch.

-thp thp thp thp thp thp thp thp-

Ryoga's eyes widened, "is that..?"

"The baby's heartbeat." Sakura nodded.

"Should it be that fast?" He asked.

"Yep, it sounds perfect. Well, I'll leave you two alone." Sakura wiped the gel off Ranma's stomach and packed up her equipment. She handed a printout to each them just before she wheeled the cart away. Soon they were alone in the room.

Ryoga brushed his fingers over the picture, feeling strange. He looked up to find out how Ranma was dealing with this when he saw tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

Her heart had clenched when she heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time, she'd been unconscious during the previous scan. _This is real._ Before it had been something out of sight and out of mind. Now it was real and she was having second thoughts about her appointment. Feelings were stirring within her, maternal protectiveness, affection and fear. A heck of a lot of fear.

_If I didn't go... Pops would be so ashamed. Mom would kill us both. Akane would be disgusted by me and angry for what I've done to her. Everyone that knows me would know what I've done as a girl. Shampoo could well try to kill me. Uuchan would be disappointed in me. Mr Tendo would be furious. Ryoga probably wants to get out of here as fast as he can. _A hand on her shoulder broke her out of her thoughts.

"You ok?" Ryoga asked.

Ranma had never felt so many things at once. She wasn't sure if it was due to being a girl, the situation finally sinking in, or hormones. What she did know was that she was dangerously close to crying. _How embarrassing_.

"I have ta pee." She said as an excuse to leave the room and because drinking a whole litre of water will do that to you.

Ryoga looked at her in bewilderment "O.. kay..." _Is that what's upsetting her?_

Ranma splashed water on her face and took some deep breaths to calm down after relieving herself. "I guess you can see why I'm stuck as a girl now." She commented as she re-entered the room and settled back into bed.

"Yeah." He was still finding it a little hard to process. "How is this possible? You're a guy."

"Except when I'm not." She replied bitterly.

"What are you going to do? Shampoo has some instant Nannichuan powder. If you used it, you'd be a guy again so it would be over right?" He asked.

Ranma sighed, "No, at best it would have no effect, at worst it could kill me. To be honest, I was planning on getting rid of it, the medical way. I have an appointment tomorrow, but I don't know if I can go through with it now."

"Oh. What changed?" He asked, feeling oddly relieved to know she was having doubts.

"When Mousse hit me, I felt real fear at the thought of it being hurt. You saw how badly I wanted to protect it. I've never felt anything so powerful. I tried to deny it. This is could seriously mess up my life, but when I heard that heartbeat..." She smiled sadly, but it quickly turned to a frown. "I just don't know anymore."

Ryoga sort of understood, it had been a strange feeling hearing that heartbeat and realizing that he'd had a part in it. Had Ranma been a real girl, he might be rejoicing at the chance to have a family, to not be alone any more. As it was, he just felt weird.

"Just don't tell anyone, Ok? No matter what, it can't get back to my mom, this seems like somethin' that she could make me 'n Pops commit seppuku over. I can't let Pops die because of something I did."

"What is it that you did, Ranma?" Ranma and Ryoga turned in surprise to see Akane standing in the doorway.

"Akane!" Ranma exclaimed when she saw Akane in the doorway. Guilt gnawed it's way to the surface as she regarded her fiancée. _Dammit! _She took a deep breath, "I guess I should tell ya. Come in."

Akane sat in the seat next to Ryoga, "Is this about why you are stuck as a girl?"

"Yes, I'm-"

"And the Heart's Desire mushrooms, is it about them too?" Akane interrupted.

"You know about them?" Ranma was surprised. _How does Akane know?_

"Heart's Desire?" Ryoga asked.

"_Those_ mushrooms Ryoga." Ranma replied to him.

"I kinda found the book you were reading. You left it on the roof." Akane said.

"But why are they called Heart's Desire?" Ryoga queried further.

"Because," Akane explained, "if you eat them, they will allow your subconscious thoughts to control you and reveal your deepest, most secret desires. Then they will remove your inhibitions long enough for you to act on them."

Ryoga paled, "Your deepest desires...?"

"So, the mushrooms, when you ate them, they revealed you wanted to be a girl right?" Akane guessed. She looked very proud of herself for coming to that conclusion.

"What? No! I didn't wanna be stuck this way!" Ranma yelled.

"Then what was your desire?" Akane asked.

Ranma's eyes darted sideways to look at Ryoga, who had been looking at her awaiting her answer. Their eyes meet and both their faces turned red, which Akane failed to notice.

Ranma's stuttered reply was, "T-that's not what's important. The important thing is that I'm pre-"

"Ranma!" Came a new voice from the doorway.

"M-m-mom?" _Crap crap crap... _

Ranma grabbed Ryoga's arm and pulled him in close. She whispered in his ear, "She can't find out, she'll kill me, literally. Please tell the doctors to keep quiet for now, please." He nodded in reply.

"Whispering sweet nothings are you?" Asked Nabiki, who entered the room behind Nodoka. She was in turn followed by Genma, Kasumi and Soun.

Ranma narrowed her eyes at the girl. "Just saying goodbye."

"Yes, I really must be going now." Ryoga bowed politely and quite gladly exitted the room.

* * *

Ryoga's head was spinning as he stepped into the hall. He slumped against the wall and looked at the picture from the ultrasound. _Oh man... what am I gonna do about this madness? _He wondered to himself. He noticed people staring at him and realised he'd smashed his head backward against the wall and cracked it. "He he he..." He laughed awkwardly, then took off in hopes of finding the nurse he'd seen earlier.

* * *

_What was Ranma going to tell me?_ Akane wondered. She didn't dare ask now though, it was something that Ranma felt Nodoka might kill her over.

"No, he didn't hit me that hard. I just think I used too much chi, I let my battle aura get out of control." Ranma was explaining to Genma.

"Ranma, that was careless of you. We'll have to retrain you in the proper use of battle auras." Genma replied.

"Ok Pops."

"What I don't understand," Nodoka started, "is why you were fighting as a girl. Why didn't you change back into my big strong boy? It would have been much easier on you."

Everyone froze. They all knew that Ranma was stuck, but would telling her that result in her demanding Ranma and Genma commit seppuku?

"Er..."

"Uh..."

"While you see..."

"The thing is..."

Everyone sputtered at once. No one could think of a reasonable reply though.

"Yes?" Nodoka asked as she unwrapped her katana from the cloth she carried it in.

"It's training!" Akane exclaimed suddenly. She was determined to keep Ranma safe.

Everyone looked at her wide eyed.

"Training?" Nodoka asked.

Ranma took over. "Yes, I was defeated in my girl form. I realised that it's my greatest weakness. So I decided that I should remain as a girl for a time and train so that I may become stronger!"

Nodoka covered the sword back up. "How very manly of you. However, I'm concerned about your health. Battle aura or not, you are recovering, so I'm going to stay at the Tendo's for a while."

No one looked happy about this, least of all Ranma and Genma. Who wore matching expressions of fear.

_Oh, poor Ranma. I have to help her keep her secret! As soon as I figure out what is... _Akane decided. She had been really enjoying Ranma's company the past few weeks. Accepting Ranma a girl and letting go of her jealousy had made things so much easier. No one was going to hurt her friend.

* * *

_Well that was fast_. Already Ryoga was wandering in a deep forest (actually a rather small park), unsure where he was. Oh well, that gave him time to think and he had a lot to think about.

_She looked right at me. Why did she look at me when Akane asked her what her desire was? Does that mean she really does like me? _He shook his head, _No, Ranma is a guy._ He insisted to himself. Although... _She did say that she liked me that night..._ He thought. _Maybe..._

_Ok, say she does, and that's only if, then what? It's still Ranma in there. Ok I get it, I clearly,_ he shuddered, _desired her body at the time._ _What did she expect when she's constantly teasing me and making me frustrated. No matter how cute her girl half is though Ranma is still a boy. Even if she did go through with this, she'll go right back to being a man. _He nodded to himself. _That's right, once Ranma is a guy again he'll get over whatever this is. I can't forget that. _

_Ok then, now that that's settled... About Ranma's current situation. If she was really a girl of course I'd take responsibility and ask to marry her. _He laughed out loud at that thought._ That's not gonna happen, I'm not into guys, which she will be again eventually. She'd probably also kick my ass just for thinking it. _He wondered if he should get a job to help out, or if that would just offend Ranma's pride._ I wouldn't be able to find my way there everyday anyway. _

Ryoga had no idea what the right thing to do was when the mother of your child was a man. He laughed again, but not humorously, "Ha ha ha hahaha!" He sounded rather maniacal, tears were streaming down his face. If anyone had seen him, they would have run away screaming. _This is insane, how did my life come to this?_

* * *

Back at the hospital, Akane, Genma and Nodoka were still visiting Ranma. Genma had been trying to persuade Nodoka to leave, but she was hearing none of it. Ranma wasn't sure why she herself had to stay, now that she knew everything was fine.

"Nihao Ranma."

_Great, more guests_. Ranma sighed as Shampoo and Cologne entered the room. "Hey Shampoo, how's Mousse?"

"He hurt, but he be ok." Shampoo replied.

That was a relief to Ranma, "I'm glad."

"You did quite a number on the poor fool." Cologne commented. "That sounds like quite a technique you used."

Ranma shrugged, "It wasn't a technique, I just let my aura get out of hand."

"Maybe so, maybe so." Cologne said with a hint of mystery. "Then again..." The old woman brought the head of her staff quickly, but gently down onto Ranma's stomach. Her face became serious and sad. "It is as I thought."

"What is you old hag?" Ranma didn't like being prodded. She saw the old woman's eyes shift sideways, indicating that she shouldn't say in front of Nodoka. _Oh_... Ranma's eyes widened, _the old bat knows!_

"Is there something wrong with my son?" Nodoka asked.

"I wouldn't say something is wrong, No." Cologne replied to Nodoka, then turned to Shampoo, "Let us go granddaughter, we have no more business here."

"But great grandmother..." Shampoo started, but Cologne was already bouncing on her staff out the door.

"Shampoo be seeing you later." She waved to Ranma and followed Cologne out of the room.

"That was weird." Akane stated, looking after the two Chinese women.

* * *

Not long after Ranma was released from the hospital and was free to return home. She could tell that Akane was itching to have a talk with her and find out what was going on, but Nodoka barely left her side. When her mother finally decided to take a bath and give Ranma a break she headed up to the girl's room.

-knock knock-

"Come in." Said Akane.

Ranma opened the door and entered. She closed the door quietly and stood there looking awkward. She opened her mouth, but couldn't speak. It had seemed easier when Ryoga, her partner in crime, had been in the room with her.

"Why don't you sit?" Akane gestured toward her desk chair.

Ranma took a seat and looked at her hands. "Akane, I did somethin'. It's why I'm stuck as a girl..."

"Yes?" Akane was on the edge of her seat (well, her bed) in anticipation.

Ranma reached into her pocket and gripped the photo from the ultrasound. She withdrew her hand slowly. "It might be easier to show ya." She began to extend her hand...

"Ranma!" The door flew open and Nodoka rushed in.

Ranma shoved her hand right back into her pocket. Akane's face was a mixture of disappointment and annoyance.

"You should be in bed dear." Nodoka scolded.

"I thought you were taking a bath?" Ranma asked.

"I just couldn't relax knowing you needed me. Now off you go." She made a shooing motion out the door.

Ranma sighed, "Goodnight, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Alright." Akane said as she watched Ranma leave. She scowled at Nodoka as soon as the woman's back was turned. She had been so close.

* * *

"Nihao Ranma!" Shampoo climbed through the window bright and early the next morning.

Ranma groaned, she had yet to decide whether or not to go her appointment, but figured she really should get up anyway. "Hello Shampoo." She briefly considered reminding the girl that they did in fact have a door, but decided against it. None of them would ever really learn.

"Shampoo make you too too tasty tea. It very good for health." She grinned and presented Ranma with a cup.

_She's getting less and less creative..._ Ranma thought. "Thanks Shampoo." Ranma pretended to drink it, but held the tea in her mouth as she left for the washroom. She spit it in the sink. _Probably a love potion, again..._

"Is time for your appointment. Hurry hurry." Shampoo said as Ranma returned to her room. _Any minute now... _thought Shampoo.

"How do you know about that?" Asked a shocked Ranma.

"Shampoo have her ways." _That and Great Grandmother knows only martial arts midwife in town. _After learning about the unique chi Ranma had displayed, Cologne assumed Xiao Tao had somehow been involved with her son-in-law. It hadn't been difficult to uncover Ranma's appointment. It was up to Shampoo to make sure Ranma went through with the procedure. Speaking of which... _Why she still conscious? Sleep potion should work by now._

"May as well join us for breakfast." Ranma said when she was done getting ready.

"Ok!" Shampoo eagerly followed along.

When it became obvious that Ranma wasn't going to fall asleep, Shampoo decided to slip her back up dose of potion into Ranma's food. She carefully snuck it onto a plate of fish before serving it to Ranma. Ranma's chopsticks descended towards the fish as Shampoo watched in anticipation, only to have Genma snatch the fish up and devour it in a single bite. _Stupid stupid old man!_

"Hey!" Ranma shouted, but she didn't start a fight. Even if she had been allowed to fight, she didn't much feel like it. There was still an internal debate being waged within her and neither side seemed to winning. _Just get it over with!_ Part of her mind screamed. A weight settled in her stomach at the thought, _but_... She looked up and watched Akane talking animatedly to Kasumi. The weight doubled. _She'll hate you._ The voice continued to prod. _She'll hate me regardless once I tell her. _She replied to herself. _Then don't tell her. _The voice answered. Guilt washed over Ranma at thought and she knew she couldn't take the easy way out, no matter how much she wanted to. _Oh, but you'll take the other easy route? _The voice mocked her, referring to the appointment. _Wait, What side are you on anyway?_

"Well, that was... hmm... a little nap..." Genma passed out on the floor. Nobody paid him any mind though, he was often a lazy old sod.

Ranma's eyes landed in her mother, she shuddered. If that woman only knew... _There's really no choice then is there?_ She asked herself rhetorically. She looked at her father, sleeping so peacefully. He had no idea how very close they both were to death. The decision was made, she didn't like it, but it had to be done. She gathered all her resolve and strode out of the house before she could change her mind.

Shampoo followed behind, trying to figure out how she could knock Ranma unconscious without the potion. A direct blow to the neck would work best, but she'd have to catch the martial artist off guard. "Look, what pretty kitty!" She announced while pointing down an empty side street.

* * *

Ukyo was on her way to visit her Ranma Honey. She'd only just found out that Ranma had been hospitalized. Her plan was to cook for her poor fiancée while she was on the mend. On the way to the Tendo dojo she was met by a most unwelcome sight. There before her was Ranma, holding shampoo in an affectionate embrace. _What on Earth?_

* * *

Ranma clung to Shampoo, cowering from the supposed cat. Shampoo raised her hand, intending to strike Ranma while her guard was down. When her hand was midway through its slice however, Ranma suddenly broke free. "Hey!" Ranma shouted in a mix of annoyance and amusement. "Can't you tell a dog from a cat?"

Shampoo turned to see a scruffy mutt was now sitting in the center of the street, scratching it's ear with its hind paw. _Curses_... She tried a number of other tactics to distract Ranma, including the old 'What's that over there?' technique but nothing worked.

Soon they were stepping inside the clinic and Shampoo grew desperate. Knowing that there wasn't much time left, she launched an assault while Ranma was leaning over the counter, filling out a medical form. Shampoo drew her fist back and released. Before her fist collided with Ranma, she felt something hot between her shoulder blades. _What?_ Her fist made contact, but nothing happened, except for Ranma scratching the spot Shampoo had struck as though a fly had landed on her.

Shampoo turned to see a wrinkled old woman, who winked at her and waved a moxa roll between her fingers. There was no way the old midwife was going to let those Amazons interfere with her plans.

* * *

Ukyo gasped in shock when she saw Ranma and Shampoo's destination. She had decided to follow the pair to discover what they were up to. _A midwifery clinic? Why would they... unless... _Her eyes widened. _Is Shampoo pregnant with Ranma Honey's baby?_ "No!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **Sorry, for being gone so long. I never intended to abandon this story, I just had a massive stupid moment. I had been doing all my writing on my phone, and was getting frustrated that the word processing app I had didn't have spell check. So I found a new one I liked better and deleted the old one. I hadn't bothered to make back up copies of the chapters I had written (The story was nearly complete). Alas, when I deleted the old word processor, it deleted the folder it was in. The very same folder that contained every chapter that I had written. I tried for days to recover the files, but failed miserably. I was shattered, much like Ryoga's heart of glass and couldn't bring myself to rewrite so much at the time. I'm back now though, and keeping back ups in case stupidity strikes once more.

**Magic and Mushrooms Ch 8**

Ranma was directed down a hallway while Shampoo was detained at the front desk.

"It wouldn't have worked you know." The old midwife said conversationally once Ranma was out of earshot. "If you'd dragged her in here unconscious, we would never have done the procedure."

Shampoo looked away, ashamed of the simplicity of her plan, and miserable because she'd failed.

* * *

A hacksaw, that was the first thing Ranma saw as she entered the room at the end of the hallway. It was being wielded by a man standing near the bed. _This can't be... _She noticed that he was wearing a white coat, the clinic's name was embroidered on the breast pocket. _Oh my god, he is... _The man shook his head and put the hacksaw down. He picked up a power saw and nodded, seeming satisfied. Other various power tools cluttered the bedside table, and was that rust?

Ranma's aura flared to life, "Just whaddya plannin' ta use that for?" she yelled.

"Just gonna clear up an unwanted obstruction." He replied as the saw buzzed to life. Her eye twitched.

* * *

"It's probably best that we duck." The midwife said as she pulled Shampoo by the collar into a crouching position behind the front desk.

A split second later the front door to the clinic burst open, "Where is he?" an irate Ukyo asked, spatula at the ready.

"Get down, you foolish girl!" The midwife cried, but it was too late. Burning hot chi blasted through the clinic, throwing Ukyo off of her feet, throwing her backward and bashing her head into the wall. The spatula hit the floor with a loud metal clang.

Shampoo fixed the old midwife with an angry glare, her arms crossed over her chest, "You know Ranma no can go through with appointment while awake, not with such an aura. Is too too protective."

The old woman donned an innocent expression, "I gave her a choice dear, and she made it. Now, I'd best get back to work." She said dismissively as she pick up Ukyo's unconscious form and slipped into the back room.

Shampoo stomped her foot, but until her great grandmother could restore her strength, there was nothing she could do.

* * *

Iichiro had only stepped out for a short lunch break, but it seemed like quite a lot had happened in his absence. The examination room was in chaos, papers were strewn all about, the bed was flipped onto its side, and power tools littered the floor. Then there was the unconscious girl in his grandmother's arms and the near catatonic girl in the corner giving off the deadly, but rapidly fading, aura. "Grandmother?" he asked, after righting the bed.

"Yes Iichiro?" she replied as she laid Ukyo down on a comfy chair, meant for her client's spouses, to rest. It was a nasty bump on her head, but the girl would be fine. She turned to Ranma, who was in the corner on her knees, arms wrapped defensively around her abdomen. "Shh, shh." As gently as she could, she coaxed Ranma to rest in her arms, picked her up and placed the now soundly sleeping girl on the bed.

Iichiro pointed at the floor, "Who is that and why is he wearing my coat?" Indicating the unconscious, injured man he had unearthed when he had righted the bed.

Looking down at man, she replied, "I hired a plumber, the pipe behind that wall is obstructed. He was supposed to cut it open and fix it, not sleep on the job." She replied with a sly grin, "As for your coat, I slipped and spilled coffee on him, I offered him your coat while his shirt dried. Clumsy me."

His eyes narrowed, "Ah, so the unusual case you were telling me about and the upcoming Martial Arts Midwifery tournament had nothing to do with it?"

"You wound me, grandson." She said with a feigned expression of hurt. Finally, she saw to the injuries of the poor plumber caught up in her scheming.

* * *

Ranma opened her eyes, looked up at the fluorescent lights and wondered where she was this time. It became obvious quite quickly that she was still in the midwifery clinic. The room had been cleaned up and put back to order, not a trace of the energy burst she had released remained. Ukyo was asleep in a chair in the corner. _What is she doing here?_ Ranma wondered. _Could it be that she knows?_ Panic welled up inside her.

"Relax my dear, the girl knows nothing of what is going on." Ranma turned to see the old midwife sitting at her bedside holding a book. "I take it you have come to a decision?" Ranma eyed Ukyo, not really wanting to reply with the other girl in the room. "She won't wake for at least another hour. That was quite a blow to the head she took."

"I can't do it. I mean, I didn't really want ta, but this is different. I physically can't. What is that battle aura? When I sense that the..." she took a deep breath to help her continue, "…baby is in danger, I lose all control, kinda like with Cat Fu."

Though she didn't let it show on her face, the midwife was surprised. She knew Cat Fu, truly this boy turned girl was a gem. "That is one of the most prized techniques of the Bear tribe, sister and rival tribe to the Amazons that you know. Legends say that our ancestors were bears that fell into the spring of drowned girl and took on human form. We became legendary and fierce warriors, envied by the Amazons for our unique ability to battle even while pregnant. In fact, we are at our strongest when we are protecting our young, for to this day we possess the fighting spirit of the Fierce Mama Bear. As young girls we are taught how to control the aura, hone it and make it our own. If one is not trained to control it however, they become a danger to anyone that should attempt to harm them or their children." The old woman explained.

That all made sense, except, "But I'm not from your tribe." Ranma stated.

The old woman's eyes gleamed, "There is one other way to become infused the fighting spirit of the Fierce Mama bear. I noticed while doing your exam the first time you were here, it is concentrated near your arm. You weren't by chance clawed by a bear were you?" She asked, though she already knew the answer. Ranma nodded in the affirmative. "And the bear was protecting her cub perhaps?" The old woman continued to prod.

"Yea." Ranma agreed, starting to get the idea.

"I imagine child, if you looked, you would have found a source of magical waters nearby. Only by being attacked by a magical mother bear, while pregnant, can one not of our tribe gain this deadly technique." The woman finished.

"The Ogopogo!" Ranma smacked her fist down on her open palm in understanding.

That put the final piece of the puzzle in place for the old woman. "I have heard of it. Yes, the waters near its resting place would be very magical indeed."

"You said there was a way ta control it?" Ranma asked, looking at Ukyo out of the corner of her eye. She hadn't asked for confirmation, but she was certain that her outburst had been the cause of the okonomiyaki chef's current condition.

The old midwife smiled on the inside, things were going exactly to plan.

* * *

It was several hours before Ukyo woke up, her head was aching, her neck was sore and her mouth way dry. The cause of her sore neck became obvious when she opened her eyes and found herself positioned uncomfortably in a chair. She stood and stretched her aching muscles. The room looked like an exam room, so she surmised that she must still be in the midwifery clinic.

"Awake are you? Just in time, we're closing." Ukyo turned to see a wrinkled old woman, not unlike Cologne sitting near her.

Jumping to her feet, she whipped out a handful of throwing spatulas and pointed them at the woman. "Are you the midwife? Tell me, is Shampoo pregnant?"

The old miwife's outline blurred momentarily, then Ukyo noticed that all her spatulas were in the woman's wrinkled hand. "You're 100 years too early to face me girl." Dropping the spatulas on the floor, she continued, "I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to. Doctor-patient confidentiality, you know." Having done her duty in seeing that the girl awoke safely, she pushed her out of the clinic and flipped the sign to read closed.

Never one to admit defeat, Ukyo decided that she'd just find the answer herself.

* * *

In the precarious safety of her bedroom, Ranma opened the book the old woman had given her.

"_I will train you," The old woman had said, "but first you must know the very basics of pregnancy and childbirth." She had lifted a book from her lap, "Read this, when you are finished, return and we can begin."_

Flipping through it, Ranma saw some diagrams that made her want to scream and run in the other direction. _That can't be physically possible, can it? And why do I need to know all this to master a martial arts technique? Damn Old Bat! _Taking a deep breath and clenching her fist, she flipped back to the first page. No book would defeat Ranma Saotome.

* * *

The forest had been formidable indeed. Ryoga had been lost for days. He struggled along, propping himself up on his umbrella turned cane. He was tired and he was hungry as he finally emerged from the trees. "Where am I now?" He wondered out loud. Surely he was miles from civilization, given how dense that forest had been...

Unseen by Ryoga, two children ran across the park. Each held a squirt gun.

"Pew pew!" Called the boy as he fired at his friend.

"Nah nah, you missed me!" The girl teased in return.

The two ran on, enjoying their day. Neither one of them spared a single thought to where that missed shot of water may have landed, or who it may have hit.

"Squee!"

* * *

Akane was out for a morning jog, working out her frustrations over the constant interference of, well, everyone, in her conversations with Ranma. It had been days and she still hadn't heard the big secret. It was like the whole family had some sort of sixth sense dedicated to depriving Akane of any time alone with Ranma. There had been no opening to talk together at school either, Kuno saw to that with his constant pursuit of the pigtailed girl.

"Squee!" She heard coming from the park.

_Is that...?_ She turned the corner. "P-chan!" She scooped the black piglet up into her arms. "Where have you been?" Her mood improved dramatically. Her pet pig always lifted her spirits. "Let's get you home, my widdle baby."

* * *

Ranma took a deep breath and began her kata. The ritualistic movements soothed her frustration. Firstly, the information that had been filling her head about childbirth was making her nervous. She had known where babies came from of course, but somehow reading about it and knowing it would be her reality in the not-so-distant future was terrifying. She had come to accept that it would happen though. She kept the sonogram picture close at hand to remind her of the little heartbeat every time she had doubts, and she had them often. She was terrified of what everyone's reactions would be, especially Akane, well and her own mother of course. For what it was worth, and she knew it wasn't much, she had loved Akane. It was an awkward, angry and often spiteful love, but it had been love nonetheless. Which is why the guilt was still nagging at Ranma so strongly, but her mother had been preventing her from coming clean to Akane for days. Her guilt was weighing heavier and heavier on her with each day that passed. She had to wonder if her mother was keeping them apart on purpose, or if it was just really bad timing on her part.

It would be over soon though. Nodoka had announced her intent to depart after the evening's meal. It's not that Ranma hated her mother (she loved her, she really did), it's just that she didn't want to die a horrible, painful, self-inflicted death. _Only only a few hours to go..._

When her practice was finished she headed inside for a glass of water.

"You look like you haven't eaten in days, here." Akane was saying to someone.

Ranma turned the corner and saw Akane sitting at the table, holding P-chan in her lap. She was holding or a pair of chopsticks full of rice.

Ranma's eyes narrowed, _little pig accepts attention from any girl that looks his way_ (hypocrite much?) "It's unsanitary ta feed pigs at the table." She snapped.

"I always feed him at the table." Akane insisted, then turned to P-chan again, "Here you go, open wide. I made it myself." She announced proudly.

The little pigs eyes opened comically wide and his legs flailed. "Squee squeeee!"

A huge grin graced Ranma's face and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes, piggie, eat up."

His little pig head Twisted back and forth in an obvious "no" motion.

Ranma sat next to Akane and picked up an extra set of chopsticks. "Come on, open wide for the yummy yummy rice." She said in baby talk.

Akane was looking at her like she'd gone crazy. "Since when are you nice to P-chan?"

The pig looked at her in disbelief at the use of the word 'nice', given that Ranma was trying to force him to eat Akane's cooking. "Squee!" He tried to argue with Akane.

_An opening! _Ranma used her Parlay du Foie Gras skills to shove the rice in his mouth while he squealed. The taste promptly knocked him out.

* * *

When Ryoga woke up he heard Nodoka asking for Akane's help in the kitchen.

"Yes, Mrs. Saotome." She replied obediently.

Akane's eyes lit up as she turned to Ranma, "Oh! I'll make you something extra special for dinner tonight, as a reward for getting along so well with P-Chan." She clapped her hands together in excitement before running off to the kitchen.

Ryoga made a snickering noise. He figured it was only fair that Ranma should eat Akane's food for dinner since she had forced the stuff down his throat earlier.

"Yeah yeah, yuk it up bacon bits. You'll still be here at dinner time." She pointed out, besides, Akane's cooking had improved dramatically recently (No, it _really_ hadn't).

_I hadn't thought of that... I suppose I have overstayed my welcome. _He thought as he tried to sneak off.

Ranma grabbed him by the bandana on his neck. "I don't think so." She carried him up the stairs and into her room. She upturned a crate that had training equipment stored in it and used it as cage to keep him from escaping. He tried to break free, but she'd placed something very heavy on top.

She sat in front of the makeshift cage and looked at him. "How can you be so shameless?" She asked, "You just bask in the attention that any girl pays you? It's pathetic!"

_Hey! That's my line! All those girls that were after you..._ "Squee squee squee!" Was what came out though.

"And what about Akari? Isn't she your," she spat the word like it was bitter, "fiancee?"

Ryoga shook his head, that was over.

"Hmph, whatever." Ranma pushed the crate over to the door. "Squeal if you hear anyone coming up the hall." She instructed, then she rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a book.

**-Your First Pregnancy, What to Expect-**

**-Bear Tribe Edition-**

She pulled out a bookmark, that Ryoga realized was the ultrasound photo, and started to read. _She's really going through with this... _

With nothing better to do, Ryoga observed her. As she flipped through the book, Ryoga took note of the way she was sitting, it was unusual. Typically when Ranma was in girl form she over compensated for her lack of manhood by using exaggerated body language, meaning as unfeminine as possible. Right now though, she looked relaxed and natural. She looked like a girl.

Something struck Ryoga then. He hadn't been paying attention to it at the time, but Ranma hadn't been using those exaggerated movements for a while now. No sitting with her legs wide, no wide legged stomping around, no arms stuck out and down at odd right angles. _When did she stop? Does she know she's doing it?_

Ranma's face turned bright red as she quickly flipped several pages. She must have read something embarrassing. _She's cute when she's flustered..._

_Crap!_

* * *

"Dinner's ready!" Nodoka's call rang through the house.

Ranma closed her book and buried it in her drawer again. It was the drawer that she used to store her girly costumes. She knew her father was too embarrassed to go through them, so it was the best hiding place.

Her anger forgotten, she picked Ryoga up from his cage and headed down the stairs. She didn't notice that she was absentmindedly petting him on the way. He noticed though and found it rather soothing. Ryoga was careful not to cuddle into her as he would have done with Akane, he didn't want her to realize what she was doing and stop.

Something crashed into her chest. "Ranma! How sweet it is!" Happosai cried. Then he realized he was not cuddling Ranma's bosom, but a little black pig that looked very angry.

"Get off me you Old Freak!"

"Squee squee squee!"

The old man stood on the table looking sad, tears leaked from the corners of his eyes as he wiped at them with a pair of silky white panties. "I only wanted to say hello to my favorite girls after a long trip from home."

It occurred to Ranma that he meant her breasts, "You are sick!" She cried as she leapt across the room to pummel the old perv.

"Now now, settle down." Nodoka demanded as she and Akane began to bring food into the room.

"For some of Nodoka's home cooking? How could I refuse?" He replied, dodging Ranma's attack as he sat at the table with the rest of the family.

"Actually, Akane helped." Nodoka responded.

Happosai paled, as did nearly everyone else at the table. "Err, well, I really just dropped in to say hello. I should be moving along again now." He muttered as he tried to stand.

Soun and Genma held him in place, determined to force Akane's cooking into him.

"Don't be in such a hurry to go master."

"Yes, after being away so long, it would be rude not to stay for dinner."

Ranma ignored the display. She would prefer it if the old letch never returned.

"Oh, Ranma, thank you for looking after P-chan." Akane was smiling and holding her arms out to receive her pet.

"Oh, uh, no problem." Ranma handed him over rather reluctantly.

An unexpected voice suddenly got everyone's attention. "Nihao Ranma, Shampoo has present for you."

Ranma had a very, very bad feeling and jumped from her seat. Just in time too, as a split second later, water splashed onto the spot where she'd been sitting.

"What the heck was that for?" Ranma shouted.

Shampoo held up a bucket of water and a ladle. "Shampoo bring instant Nannichuan water." She used the ladle to grab another scoop and splashed it at Ranma, who dodged just in time.

_That crazy girl is gonna kill me! _Ranma thought as she jumped aside again.


	9. Chapter 9

**A****uthor's note: **Dear reviewer that claims the bear idea is stupid even by Ranma standards. In the manga, Kuno fused with a demon tree. He became an actual tree with Kuno's face and could only be freed by having an enjoyable date/kiss with a pigtailed girl. Another time, Ranma was nearly killed by an ugly bathing suit because it wanted so badly to be complimented. Finally, let us not forget the overweight ghost that intended to kill Happosai if no one was willing to steal her huge panties. I rest my case, Nothing is too stupid for Ranma.

I am owning the many nothings.

**Magic and Mushrooms ch9**

_That could kill her! _Ryoga realized as he watched Ranma duck and weave to avoid the cursed water being splashed her way. He wrestled his way out of Akane's grip and jumped across the room. He landed teeth first onto Shampoo's arm and bit down hard.

"Eeya!" She screeched, then brought the ladle down on his head. "Stupid pig no interfere."

He crashed to the floor. _Dammit, I can't do anything to help as a pig_! He thought as he fled the room.

Akane watched in annoyance. _Jeez, that girl will do anything for a date. How pathetic. _This display was not that unusual though for the Tendo home, so she decided to ignore them and eat.

-Cough cough, spit-

_Could I have mistaken sugar for salt?_

She didn't notice that everyone else was using the distraction as an excuse to not eat her food. Ranma aided them by throwing first the cutlery, then the dishes and finally all the food that Akane seemed to have a hand in at Shampoo as she dodged the water. Shampoo evaded nearly everything, except a bowl of miso soup that seemed to be eating a hole through her shirt, this only enraged the blue haired Amazon, who redoubled her efforts. Ranma pulled her belt off, infused the ends with chi and threw it at Shampoo, much like she had done with Kuno to pin him to the statue. Shampoo was more nimble than Kuno though and ducked below the belt before the ends embedded themselves in the wall.

After running out of projectiles Ranma had dodged herself right into a corner. _Damn, now what do I do? If I hit her, I could get splashed, and I can't use energy attacks with everyone sitting here._

Most of the room's occupants continued to ignore the display as Shampoo once again put Ranma on the defensive. Nodoka looked on with a mixture of concern and confusion. Nabiki however looked on with a gleam in her eye, she reached into her school bag and tossed something to Ranma. Ranma caught it and grinned. She threw the item at Shampoo's face, and with a wide smile said, "Oh, what a nice, lacy bra you have there." In the blink of an eye, Happosai had latched onto Shampoo's face, completely distracting the girl.

"That will be 5000 yen by the way." Nabiki told Ranma, with her hand outstretched. Ranma groaned, but handed the money over. Getting further into debt with Nabiki wouldn't end well.

"Woohoo! What a beauty!" Happosai cried as he kicked off of Shampoos face holding the lacy bra. The kick knocked Shampoo off balance, as she fell backward, her arms flailed to the side. Two things happened at once, Shampoo crashed into Nodoka and they both fell to the floor, just as the water from the pale splashed out, landing on a stunned Ranma. _We're gonna die! _Was Ranma's last thought before the Aura of the Fierce Mama Bear burst forth. The sudden scorching heat of her battle aura turned the water to steam and dried her clothing instantly..

"You shouldn't have done that." Her eyes were sparking again, not that she was aware of it. It was a terrifying sight for the occupants of the room though. Everyone was frozen in place, even Happosai, still clutching the lacy bra, was unable to move.

Ranma grabbed the Amazon by her shirt, and pulled her upright before driving her first into the girl's stomach at full force. Pulling her fist back again, Ranma was prepared to hit Shampoo black and blue, but a hand on her wrist stopped her. She blinked a few times, "Not again..." She fell backwards but was caught by someone.

"What do you think you are doing?" She heard Ryoga shout at Shampoo. _Ah, so that's who's holding me._

Shampoo recovered from her shock at Ranma's outburst and rubbed her bruised tummy. "Great grandmother tell Shampoo what wrong with Ranma. Shampoo wanted to fix problem with instant Nannichuan."

"You knew and you still tried that!? It could have killed her!" Ryoga sounded really angry. Ranma herself might have been angry if she wasn't so dazed from releasing so much chi.

Everyone had been recovering from the shock of feeling Ranma's aura, but talk of Ranma being killed got their attention and snapped them out of it.

"Is chance Shampoo willing to take. If Ranma stay as woman, Shampoo have to kill anyway. If Ranma turn to boy and live then everything is being normal again." She explained, trying to seem unapologetic, but tears were forming in the corners of her eyes.

Ryoga's fist balled at his side. "Get out! Get out before I kill you myself!" His voice was low and dangerous, this was no idle threat.

Ranma's eyes were closing. She knew she shouldn't sleep while danger was still present, but she felt so safe with Ryoga's arm around her...

All eyes turned to Shampoo. She looked around the room, she was outnumbered, and she didn't want to cry in front of all these people, so she turned and left. She was out of water anyway, so there wasn't a reason to stay. She'd be back with a new plan another day. She knew now that Ranma had cheated on her, with a guy of all people! He'd either become the man she expected or die as a woman. Her tribe's laws permitted no less, that's what she told herself over and over as the tears finally fell.

"Ranma!" Ryoga yelled as she slumped in his arms. He slid to his knees and let her lay on the floor, her head on his lap.

Nodoka and Akane rushed forward to check on her. "He's breathing, I think he's just exhausted from releasing such a ferocious battle aura." Nodoka said.

"Ryoga, what was that you said before? About the water possibly killing Ranma?" Akane asked.

He couldn't explain that with Ranma's mother in the room, he needed to buy time, if only a little. "Uh, because, those crazy Jusenkyo powders, are, uh... never work right, you know? Hehe..." _smooth_...

Akane and the others didn't look convinced, but didn't say anything more because of Nodoka's presence.

"Hmm..." Happosai pondered, "Where have I seen an aura like that before?"

"It was rather unique, it was unlike any aura Ranma has ever used before." Genma noted.

"It was so scary!" Kasumi added.

Nodoka forehead creased in thought for a moment, "That girl..." Nodoka said, "…made it sound as though Ranma couldn't change back from being a girl." She looked at everyone present sternly, her sword resting on her knees.

"Oh..."

"Uh..."

"Err..."

"You see..."

Akane spoke up, realizing that Nodoka couldn't have seen Ranma being hit with the water because Shampoo had landed on her, "She's just upset because Ranma's been training as a girl so much. She has a crush on him, but she's a little crazy."

"Yeah," Ryoga added, "The day that Ranma was in the hospital, I caught her trying to trick Ranma into turning back so that he'd take her on a date."

Nodoka accepted this and put her sword away, _what a manly son I have, to attract so many women to him_.

"Ohh..." Ranma stirred. She tried to sit up, but Akane and Nodoka pushed her back down.

"Just rest dear, you're exhausted." Her mother told her.

"Did I hurt anyone?" Ranma asked.

"Not badly, you only hit Shampoo once. Ryoga stopped you before you could really hurt her." Akane answered.

She glanced up at him, "I guess I owe you, again." She said with a weak smile.

"Hey, what else are friends for?" Ranma's eyes widened and he realized that was the first time he had ever acknowledged that they were indeed friends. He just smiled back. No one but Nabiki noticed the almost tender way the two looked at one another before they broke eye contact and looked awkward.

After a few minutes of looking thoughtful, Nodoka spoke, "Ranma is clearly having difficulties controlling his battle aura. This needs to be addressed a soon as possible, Genma, as soon as he recovers begin his training."

"Yes, of course." Genma agreed.

"That terrible chi left me completely paralyzed, and I cannot normally even sense battle auras. Were any of the rest of you able to move?" Nodoka asked as she looked at the martial artists in the room.

"It felt as though I would burst into flames if I moved so much as a muscle." Soun replied.

"I couldn't move at all Auntie Saotome." Akane admitted.

Genma just shook his head, he'd never seen an aura so full of burning anger.

Hopposai didn't answer, his face was scrunched up in thought. _I know I've seen that aura before, but where? It was so long ago... _

"Oh!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Happosai, I forgot to give you the mail that came while you were away." She handed over a stack of lingerie catalogues that he had ordered. His eyes sparkled as he perused the pictures on the cover. All thoughts of the aura were removed from his head as he ran off to his room to view his lovlies. He of course did not forget to take his lovely new lacy bra.

"Ryoga," Nodoka turned to the boy, "how is it that you were able to move?"

"Oh, uh, well the first time I used my own aura as a shield, because Ranma's aura was so hot I was hesitant to get close. This time though, I just ran through it, it was hot but surprisingly, it didn't burn."

Nodoka didn't have any idea what that could have meant, she wasn't a martial artist. Then again, the martial artists in the room had no idea either. "Well then, until Ranma can get this under control, I must insist that you stick close to him. It seems there is no one else capable of stopping him. I will arrange for you to attend school with him immediately."

"Yes ma'am." Ryoga replied, even if he didn't really want to play babysitter to Ranma. The woman seemed unbalanced, and though she had put it away, she did still have her sword close by, so he didn't argue.

"And of course this means that I must extend my stay." Nodoka finished. Everyone in the room cringed upon hearing this.

_Dammit Shampoo..._ Ranma cursed the girl, she had almost gotten rid of her mother.

* * *

"Ugh, how is it even possible for your dad to snore that loud?" Ryoga complained as they left the Tendo's the next morning.

Ranma shrugged, "Ya get used to it." She said, then rolled her eyes when she saw Ryoga turn the wrong way down the street. "School is this way, ya moron." She informed him as she grabbed his wrist and dragged him along to ensure he wouldn't get lost. Ryoga stiffened at first, but quickly pretended to not be affected and followed along.

Akane was happy to see the pair getting along for once. The training trip had clearly done wonders for their friendship. She completely missed the blush that spread over each teen's face from the contact.

"Who art thou to lay thine filthy hands upon the beauteous pigtailed girl?" Cried an unmistakable voice as the trio approached the school gates.

"Ugh..." uttered both Ranma and Akane.

Ryoga tried to free his wrist from Ranma's grasp, but Ranma had an idea. She instead wrapped her arms around Ryoga's midsection in an affectionate embrace and turned her head to face Kuno, "This is the man I love! You must forget about me!" She declared loudly.

There were gasps and giggles from the students that gathered to witness the morning's entertainment. Ranma's antics never failed to amuse the whole student body. Akane just rolled her eyes as she considered whether or not she should yell at Ranma for getting poor Ryoga involved.

Ryoga's eyebrows shot up in surprise, his heart rate accelerated at the declaration and his face went bright red when he realized that most of the students were assembled. _Ranma, Do you really feel that way? _He had no idea how to react, but he supposed he should say something. Fidgeting his index fingers, he began to stammer, "R-R-Ranma, I-"

Worried that Ryoga would ruin the act, Ranma nudged him in the side and whispered into his ear, looking very affectionate to onlookers, "This nut job's been givin' me trouble because I'm not supposed ta fight. Play along."

_She's just toying with me again!_ He realized with a great deal of annoyance, but there was also a sense of disappointment that he hadn't expected would be so prominent. He considered dislodging her, but he was afraid of hurting her in her current state.

"What sorcery has ensnared you my love? Step away that I may break his hold on thee!" He held his bokken aloft.

"Put your arm around me! You are so not sellin' it." She whispered to Ryoga, who ground his teeth together in irritation, but hesitantly complied. "It's no magic, I love him truly and he loves me. We are fated for each other! You must give me up!" She announced dramatically, Kuno paid more attention to theatrics and she knew it.

"Fear not, my Pigtailed Princess, for I will save you from his wicked clutches!" Kuno charged, intending to try and strike his newfound enemy around the pigtailed girl.

The two were so surprised that he'd risk hitting her just to get at Ryoga that they had little time to react before he was upon them. His bokken swung down in an arc, aiming for Ryoga's free side. Ranma deflected the wooden sword with a swift kick and Ryoga followed up by punching Kuno in the stomach, possibly a little harder than he had intended. Kuno crumpled, completely winded by the strike and in tremendous pain.

Ryoga, having found an outlet for his irritation, pulled Kuno back up by his collar, "Fight me if you want you idiot, but if you ever put her at risk like that again, you will pay." Kuno fell to his knees after being released.

Kuno struggled to reach his hand out, "I will never concede!" he declared, before falling face first in the dirt.

That got the students gossiping, hushed whispers everywhere speculated upon Ryoga's new behavior toward Ranma that seemed to go beyond acting. Akane attributed it to their newfound friendship.

Ranma wrapped herself around Ryoga's arm and in a teasing voice she said, "Aw, I knew you loved me."

Ryoga was tired of being made a spectacle of, he practically growled as he said, "I didn't do it for you!" His eyes darted toward her stomach.

"Of course," she said as she let go of his arm, "I knew that. I was just jokin' around, jeez." His words had stung, but she wasn't about to admit it.

Ryoga felt a pang in his chest as he watched Ranma deflate at his comment, she hid her emotions quickly though behind a façade of sarcastic annoyance. "Ranma, l-"

"We're gonna be late for class." She interrupted. She grabbed a corner of his shirt and dragged him across the school grounds, not speaking another word.

* * *

_Idiot! _Ranma scolded herself, _What the hell were you thinking, playing around like that? Did you think he'd really want a freak like you? Hmph! It's not like I want him anyway. When this is all over I'll be a boy again and I can forget this ever happened!_

_That's right! I'm a guy! I'm a guy! I'm a guy! _She chanted over and over in her head._ Some guy, you're pregnant. Shut up! You like a boy! Shut up! He'll never want you. _"SHUT UP!" She screamed, gripping at her hair, to get the voices in her head to stop. A light sweat broke out on her forehead as she realized she was still in class. Everyone was looking at her like she'd gone nuts.

"Saotome! Go stand in the hall." Ms. Hinako glared at her, wielding her trusty 5 yen coin. Ranma felt drained, but thankfully the madwoman of a teacher had held back somewhat.

* * *

Ryoga, who was seated at the back of the class, could feel a depressive chi drifting into the classroom. "Dammit." He muttered before hitting his desk, breaking it in two.

"Hibiki! Hallway, now! And you'll be expected to pay for that!" Ms. Hinako scolded him. Ryoga got up to go... "That's not the hallway, that's a window you idiot!"

The class laughed as the teacher pulled him away from the window and shoved him out the door.

* * *

Ukyo, noting that Ms. Hinako had reverted to her childish form quickly and was now playing with some kid's confiscated Game Boy, leaned over and whispered to Akane. "What's gotten into Ranchan?" Ukyo had intended to spend more time stalking, no, _investigating_, Ranma. Unfortunately, well unfortunately for her plans, but very fortunately for her business, there was an anime convention going on just down the street from her shop. Business was booming and she just couldn't spare the time away. She already let Konatsu run the shop all day while she was at school, to let him handle everything all evening as well was unthinkable.

Akane shook her head, "I have no idea."

Ukyo wondered if telling Akane her suspicion was a good idea or not. The youngest Tendo was volatile, but it would be nice to have an ally to help her uncover the truth. After several minutes of deliberation she had decided. "Hey Akane…"

* * *

Ranma and Ryoga stood side by side in the hall. Neither one saying a word. _Come on Hibiki, you came out here to apologize, just do it._ "Ranma, I-" just like before, Ranma cut him off.

"I'm sorry." She said, surprising him. "I shouldn't have used you to try and get rid of Kuno." She took a deep breath, "Ya don't have ta listen to my mom you know, you can go. I can handle myself just fine. Akari is probably wondering where you've been anyway."

"Akari dumped me." He replied.

"Why?" Ranma asked, she thought the country girl adored her little pig-boy.

"I told her what happened. She broke up with me and her grandfather chased me off the farm. If I ever step foot back there, they'll be having bacon for breakfast." He remembered very clearly the threats the old man had issued during his pursuit.

"Sorry." Ranma hung her head, she didn't want to be the cause of him getting in trouble.

The depressive chi coming off her had increased noticeably, it couldn't compare to Ryoga's usual depths of depression, but for Ranma it was heavy indeed. "Don't be sorry, I was there too if you'll recall." Ryoga reminded her, "All this moping isn't like the Ranma Saotome I know."

The heavy thoughts on her mind added on top of the pregnancy hormones caused a dam to burst within her. "Well, maybe I'm not the Ranma Saotome you know! I'm sure as hell not the Ranma Saotome I know! I don't know who the heck I am! All this mess is turnin' my head inside out." She could feel tears burning at the corners of her eyes and fought to keep them in.

Ryoga didn't have the answers, but at least he could apologize. He put the buckets of water he was holding on the floor and placed his hand on Ranma's shoulder. "I'm sorry. For what I said before. I didn't just do it for the, you know..." He gestured again toward her abdomen, not wanting to say the word aloud in school, where any member of the excitable student body might hear. A tiny smile graced her lips and most of the heavy aura dissipated when she looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity there. The shrill yell from the classroom behind them completely ruined the moment that they'd almost been having.

"Shampoo is what? RANMA!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It seemed that in less than a second after Akane's outburst, that every student in school had transported to their location to watch the fight and to gossip. Something had clearly gone down between their favorite crossdresser and the wild Amazon that chased him. Ranma eyed the growing crowd, gently placed her buckets on the ground and turned to see a very irate Akane. "Uh, hey Akane. What's up?" She asked nervously, knowing it couldn't be good.

Akane trembled with barely controlled rage, "It all makes sense now." She whispered to herself, "That's why Shampoo was so desperate to make you a guy again." She nodded to herself, the puzzle pieces were all fitting together. "You are hiding out as a girl to shirk your responsibilities." She glared at Ranma as her shinai materialized in her hand, "And I was so nice to you too. Ranma, you jerk!" She swung her shinai in a wild arc, the loud sound of bamboo meeting flesh echoed down the halls.

"Huh?" Akane muttered in surprised confusion as the lunch bell rang. Ryoga had shielded Ranma from her strike, taking the full brunt of her anger by allowing himself to be hit across the back. "Why… why…?"

Ranma looked up to see Ryoga's face was only inches from hers and gulped. Pain was evident in his scrunched up eyes, Ranma knew that he had practically inhuman strength, but she also knew that when Akane meant it, her strikes _hurt_. As the pain cleared from his face he looked down at her, concerned. "You ok?" He asked in a gentle whisper.

His tone sent a thrill through her, it made her want to reach up and-

"What's with those two?"

"Forget about that. What did she say about Shampoo?"

"What did she mean by responsibilities?"

"You don't think he finally #$%!&amp;?"

"Then does that mean Shampoo is…?"

The gossiping students around her snapped Ranma out of her daze, she grabbed Ryoga's hand and awkwardly but loudly said, "Was that the lunch bell? Man I'm hungry. Gotta run." And run she did, dragging Ryoga behind her.

Akane watched them go, her head tilted to one side in thought. Something was off. _Why would Ryoga defend Ranma like that_? Her eyes widened, "Of course!" she cried loudly as she slammed her fist into her open palm. "It was so obvious!" Her conclusion did not make her any less mad, but at least now she felt that the whole situation made sense.

"Those two are acting strange, well, stranger than usual." Ukyo said as she came to stand beside Akane.

Akane turned to the girl that had only moments ago confided in her, she decided that they were in this together now, so Ukyo should know the whole story. "Let's talk outside."

* * *

Ryoga and Ranma sat on the roof eating the lunches Kasumi had packed for them. "This is so embarrassing!" Ranma whined. She had been in such a daze that she didn't actually hear what the students had been whispering about, she only knew that their gossiping had snapped her out of- of- well whatever that had been, it had snapped her out of it. She definitely hadn't been thinking about wrapping her arms around his neck and- _No! I'm a guy. I'm a guy. I- am- a- guy! _She shook her head to clear her thoughts and fight off the blush that had been threatening to overtake her cheeks.

"Hey, it's embarrassing for me too. Everyone was whispering!" Ryoga hadn't heard the content of the whispers either, he'd been so busy staring down into the face of the beautiful girl looking back up at him, that he'd almost forgotten she was _Ranma_. Heat rose in his cheeks at the memory, he didn't want her to know just how close he'd come to doing something stupid, like kissing her, so instead he did something stupid and blurted out the first thing he could think of to mask his muddled feelings, "What must Akane think of me now?" He cringed even as he said it, _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ He scolded himself, but being worried about Akane's opinion of him had become a hardwired habit.

Ranma's eye twitched as she sat down her empty bento box and smiled at him pleasantly. Ryoga was confused, they eye twitch signalled danger, but the smile suggested that she was ok. The confusion cleared rapidly when she rose slowly to her feet and spoke in a sweet but deadly voice, "If Akane means so much to you," her voice turned angry, "then why don't you go get her pregnant too?" She yelled as she kicked him off the roof and watched as he crashed into the roof of the sports equipment shed. "Hmpf!" She turned to leave, but sighed when she glanced back at the Ryoga shaped hole in the equipment shed's roof. _If I don't go get him, who knows where he'll end up… _She rolled her eyes and jumped off the roof.

After her departure the door the lead to the rooftop, which had been ever so slightly open, closed. Inside, the unsuspecting person that had been looking for a quiet place to eat, couldn't believe what they had heard. "Could that mean that Ranma is…?"

* * *

Ukyo nodded along as Akane explained everything. That Ranma was trapped in female form, that he had discovered a hidden desire and the whole situation with Ranma's aura. "So, Ranma must have known Shampoo was pregnant and run off on that training trip anyway." Akane had conveniently forgotten that she had sent them on it herself. "Maybe he was undecided, or didn't know what to think. Then he ate those mushrooms-"

"-And discovered that his desire was to not be a father!" Ukyo chimed in. "The mushrooms must have trapped him in his girl form somehow, preventing him from being a _father_."

"It's no wonder Shampoo is so desperate for him to return to his male form." Akane continued, despite her anger, she felt somewhat sorry for the Amazon girl, no one deserved to be jilted like that.

"So then, the stress from unexpectedly locking him into his girl form, combined with Shampoo's condition must be triggering Ranma's chi outbursts." Ukyo decided, and Akane nodded in agreement. "Finally, Ryoga's strange behaviour is only because he promised Nodoka that he'd make sure Ranma didn't hurt anyone."

Akane picked up where Ukyo left off, "Therefore, since it's happening when Ranma is under attack, Ryoga has to keep Ranma from getting hurt."

The two girls were quite proud of themselves for putting the truth of the matter together from the available facts. They felt like a couple of detectives. There was just one thing.

"So now that we know that Ranma chose Shampoo," Ukyo began, "what are we gonna do about it?" She finished.

Akane bristled, "I couldn't care less who he chose!" _Liar! _Her inner voice yelled, outwardly though, she said,"But it's not ok to treat Shampoo this way. We have to do something."

"After school then?" Ukyo asked?

"After school then." Akane agreed.

* * *

"Wakey wakey, Pork Chop." Ranma nudged Ryoga with her foot. He had bumped his head during the fall, but she knew he'd be fine, he'd taken far worse before.

"Ah, my pigtailed Goddess. Your radiance, in this bleak and dismal hovel, warms my heart and illuminates my soul. Let not that that scalawag ruin your good name, come away at once, and I will allow you the honour of dating with me." Ranma sighed as she turned and saw the crazed kendoist standing in the doorway.

_Doesn't he ever give up?_ Her eyes narrowed in annoyance, she walked straight up to the delusional fool and slapped him with all her might across the face. "I don't like you, you jackass! I never did! I- hate- you! Do you understand? Leave- me- alone!"

Kuno turned to her with a stunned expression on his face, her handprint bright upon his cheek. "I understand." He replied seriously.

Ranma let out a breath, _could it really be over?_

She really shouldn't have let her guard slip, even a little, because the madman grabbed her up in a tight embrace, "I understand now, this new sorcerer is stronger even than that foul Saotome!" Ranma struggled to free herself, but she couldn't escape his death grip. She glanced at Ryoga, but he was barely beginning to stir. "The cure however, I know well, for it is spoken of in every great romantic tale. True love's kiss!" Ranma blanched and Kuno lips came closer, closer… _No way in Hell!_ She grit her teeth and jerked her knee suddenly, Kuno cried out and fell to the ground, gripping his groin.

Finally, Ryoga sat up, "What's going on?" he asked. It was pretty obvious though that Kuno had just put the moves on her again. Rather than answer him though, she continued to glare at Kuno as if she wanted to kick his head in. Then again, she likely did.

Kuno however did look his way, between pained gasps he declared, "I… will not… allow you… to sully her…"

Ranma, was too mad to think logically. Too mad to realize that it might be a bad idea. She wanted to hit him where it hurt, figuratively this time, she'd already done so literally, so she leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Oh, but he already did."

Kuno's eyes went wide, then he went into shock.

As they stepped over Kuno's prone form, something occurred to Ryoga, "Wait, shouldn't he have graduated by now?" He had been fairly certain that Kuno was a year older than them.

Ranma grinned, her bad mood evaporating as she recalled the humorous memory.

**-Flashback-**

"Oh, my sweet boy Tachi, finally graduatin'." Principal Kuno, who was holding an impromptu assembly, wiped a tear from his eye. "Now you finally you be getting' that buzz cut and be takin' you rightful place at me side," he pulled a string that caused 'Congratulations' banners to unfurl, "as me vice principal!"

Kuno stood from his place in the crowd, "I refuse! It is said that** '**Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.' I say, why can a man not have both? Especially a man so debonair as myself? Nay, I, Tetewake Kuno, Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, shall be leaving my glorious hair intact and shall be applying at the most prestigious of Universities to study poetry, literature and kendo."

"Oh really?" The principal asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Indeed." Kuno replied gravely.

"In dat case," The principal pulled another string and a pile of papers fell onto the stage and the principal lit them on fire, "I suppose graduatin' class no be needin' dem test and exam papers. Got no papers, can no be applyin'!"

**-End Flashback-**

"Most of the students begged another school for last minute enrollments and were able ta retake their exams, but Kuno isn't that smart." Ranma finished her story.

"That explains him," Ryoga gestured to Kuno, who was still laying on the floor. "What about Nabiki though?"

Ranma groaned, and in the best imitation of Nabiki's voice that she could manage, said, "Are you kidding? I have so many betting pools running over your crazy antics that I'd lose money if I left now." With a sigh, she added, "She enjoys making a fortune off my misery." _Not ta mention the bribery… aw man, I forgot that I have that job to do for Nabiki after school today. _Ranma spent the next few minutes scolding herself for letting Nabiki get the best of her, again.

* * *

Inside, Nabiki was organising a new betting pool based around her favorite money-maker at that very moment. "Step right up, step right up, place your bets people. When will Ranma's baby be born?" She cleverly left Shampoo's name out entirely so that the bets would not be invalidated later on. Things were looking good so far, she knew Ranma's due date and most of the students were way off. Just to be sure, she penciled her own bet in on the expected day and arranged for her accomplices to fill in the surrounding days. Everything was going great.

"Excuse me." Someone piped up from behind Nabiki. The pallid and skittish Gosunguki stood behind her looking nervous. _This is the sister of Akane Tendo, and she looked at me! _He thought excitedly to himself.

"Yes?" She asked with one perfectly manicured eyebrow raised.

_The sister of Akane Tendo spoke to me!_ He thought with no small amount of giddiness. Getting in her family's good books could only increase his standing as far as he was concerned. "I want to place a bet."

With a wiggle of her finger she had one of her associates bring over the calendar. "Pick your lucky day from those that remain." She replied as it was laid out in front of him.

"Oh, no. I want to place a special bet." He said, ignoring the calendar and thinking about what he had witnessed on the school roof.

_A special bet?_ She was intrigued. "Go on."

He leaned in close and whispered with uncharacteristic confidence, "I want to bet that Ranma is not the father."

Nabiki knew that the boy had a habit of spying on people, and while she wasn't overly worried yet, he was a cause for concern. If anyone were to find out that Ranma was in fact the _mother_ of the child, she could forget about Ranma keeping up her end of their deal. "Take care of the betting girls, my friend and I have to have a little chat." She called out as she dragged Gosunkugi into an empty classroom across the hall. She may not have been a martial artist, but she had enough strength to pin the suddenly scared boy to the wall. "Tell me what you know."

"Er…" He stuttered, "Well, I was on my way to the roof… I wasn't spying on them! I just overheard by accident… Ranma was yelling at that Hibiki boy about having gotten someone pregnant." He grew a little more confident here, he did like to gossip after all. "So, with my brilliant mind it was easy to conclude that Ranma is…" He paused for dramatic effect, "…not the father of Shampoo's baby. That Hibiki boy is!"

Nabiki nearly laughed out loud, _he had me worried for a second there_. Her mind was racing now though, thinking of how she could use this new tidbit of supposed gossip for profit. _Ah ha!_ Dollar signs danced before her eyes and she came up with the day's newest bet. "Gosunkugi, I want you to tell everyone about this, do you understand? If you do a good job, I'll make sure Akane says hello to you tomorrow."

Gosunkugi nearly swooned thinking that Akane Tendo might speak to him. His eyes grew determined and he clenched his fist as if he were about to go to battle. "I'll do it!" As he ran out of the classroom, he was so busy fantasizing about tomorrow's meeting with his crush that he forgot entirely about placing his bet.

Knowing she would need to enlist a little help to ensure the new bet would be a success, Nabiki headed off to find two of the biggest gossips in school, Hiroshi and Daisuke. _I suppose giving them some flyers to drum up interest in tonight's little event wouldn't hurt either._

* * *

Hushed whispers followed in Ranma and Ryoga's wake as they walked through the school corridor. Some students were giggling, others sending hostile glares their way. Supporters of Akane were furious with the pigtailed martial artist for having so cruelly betrayed her trust. Other students were just enjoying the show that was Ranma's life, the boy was a magnet for chaos and never failed to disappoint. Not having heard the rumours yet themselves, the pair could only conclude that the whispers were about Ryoga jumping to her defence and the rather intimate gaze that had followed.

Once in the classroom, Ranma took her usual seat in front of her two male friends. The two shared a look and nodded, it was time to put Nabiki's plan into action. "So Ranma," Daisuke started, "I hear you finally #$%^&amp;."

"Although," Hisoshi continued, "We were surprised to hear just you #$%^&amp; with."

"Congrats on the baby, man." Daisuke finished.

Ranma's face flushed bright red as she leapt from her seat, "How do you know about that? Who told you? I didn't- I wouldn't- I'm not-"

"You're so lucky, Shampoo's a fox." One of the other boys in class added.

That stopped Ranma's stuttering denial, "Huh?" _Shampoo? What the heck does Shampoo have ta do with it?_

The whispers turned into loud chatter as they students jumped from their seats, either to question Ranma or to run to Nabiki's classroom to place their bets. Having heard Gosunkugi telling the whole school that he was certain that Ryoga was the father, the students had started debating which the more likely candidate between the two was. Ranma's little outburst had, as Nabiki had expected it would, confirmed for most of the students that Ranma was indeed the more likely of the two. She had once again been very careful to ensure that the wording asked which of the two the father was without ever mentioning Shampoo. Being held back a year had been completely worth it, she was gonna make a killing.

"Stop running in the halls, class is in session!" A teacher called out, the student body was far too worked up to listen though and the poor man was trampled as students from every class rushed back and forth, betting and gossiping. As he crawled out of the crowd, he hoped against hope that Ms. Hinako would put an end to the madness with her chi draining abilities. He was disappointed however to see her leaping over the heads of students in order to place a bet of her own.

* * *

It had been a long afternoon, after Ranma's initial reaction, no one would believe her denials that she had anything to do with Shampoo. It had become obvious that someone had found out that Ranma was going to have a baby, but mistaken her for the father and Shampoo for the mother. Somehow another rumour, that she was hiding out in her girl form to avoid responsibility, had been going around as well. _Who comes up with these ideas?_ She had bolted from the classroom, dragging Ryoga behind her the second the bell had rung. She was almost through the school gate when he danger senses kicked and she dodged out of the way of an oncoming throwing spatula.

"Ranma!" Akane yelled.

"Prepare to pay!" Ukyo finished.

Ranma gulped nervously and Ryoga wondered to himself if he could really fight against Akane in order to defend Ranma. The two girls charged and Ryoga hesitated, allowing them to each smack Ranma with a piece of paper. "Huh?" Ranma looked down at the 2 pieces of paper in confusion. She held the papers in front of herself and paled, _They wouldn't… _but it was clear that the two girls had.

Held in Ranma's hands were 2 bills, one for all the okonomiyaki that Ranma had ever eaten without paying for, plus Ukyo's father's food cart, and another for all the damages that had ever been caused by Ranma to the Tendo's home and dojo. Both had interest tacked on.

"With this," Ukyo announced.

"We are through!" Akane finished.

The two girls stormed away, leaving Ranma standing there to gape at all the zeros in front of her. They had been right she would pay, she would pay for a long time to come.

**Author's note: **I don't know about other versions, but in the manga translations that I read, Hiroshi and Daisuke bugged Ranma asking if he'd #$%^&amp; yet with Akane. Maybe not those exact symbols, but the same idea. I thought it was funny compared to the anime where they just asks if he and Akane _you know _yet. So I used the same thing here.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Feh, whatever." Ranma shook her head scowled as she stuffed the bills in her pockets. _Man, I gotta go do that stupid job for Nabiki. I really don't wanna take Ryoga, that would be just too embarrassing. If I leave him anywhere though, he's just gonna wander off. Too bad I can't keep him on a leash. A leash!_

The hairs on Ryoga's neck stood on end as his danger senses warned him that something horrible was coming. He looked around for the source of said danger, but the only person nearby was Ranma. Ranma, whose eyes held a mischievous glint. Ranma, who- _Hey, where did she get that water? _"Squee!"

A few minutes later Ryoga was back in his old campsite, tied to a telephone pole. "It's for your own good." Ranma told him, "You just wait here like a good piggy until I get back, ok?" Ranma found it rather amusing how Ryoga managed to make his squeals sound like vicious swear words that he wouldn't dare utter while human. There was little chance that he'd be a good piggy, and she knew he'd be furious later, but there was no way he was coming with her. She didn't want anyone she knew to witness her humiliation. She really should have known Nabiki better than that.

* * *

Soun watched Akane aggressively breaking bricks in the back yard. "Did Ranma and Akane have another fight?" He asked Kasumi, who had just served him tea.

"Oh my, father I'm sure they're just rumours, but I overheard some students from Akane's school while I was out to buy groceries. You now how children are though, these things must be taken with a grain of salt." She replied with a touch of nervousness.

Soun looked at his eldest daughter, knowing that she was not one to gossip. If Kasumi said something, in Soun's mind, it must be true. "Please Kasumi, tell me, what is it?"

Kasumi was hesitant to tell her father what she had heard, he did overreact so dramatically sometimes, but she wasn't one to lie either. "It would seem, that the students are under the impression that Shampoo is expecting and they believe Ranma to be responsible. Some students claim to have overheard Akane planning a break up and that, with Ukyo's help, Akane wrote up a bill for damages to the house and dojo over the past 2 years and presented it to Ranma. But father, please remember-" She began, but Soun had already run off into the back yard. "-they are just rumours." She finished quietly.

"Akane!" Soun wailed, "Tell me it isn't true! Please tell me that you haven't broken things off with Ranma!"

"Uhg! It's no less than he deserves, that- that- PERVERT!" The bricks in front of Akane shattered as she smashed her fist through them, debris flew up into the air, forming a dust cloud.

Genma, who had been bathing, emerged from the house at this point. "What is all the commotion?" He asked, though it was plain to see that Ranma must have upset Akane somehow.

Soun turned on Genma, "It would seem that your son impregnated that Shampoo girl!"

If Soun had been expecting anger from Genma, he was disappointed when Genma laughed, "I didn't know the boy had it in him. I was beginning to worry that he wasn't interested in girls!"

Looking scandalized, Soun asked, "How could you say such a thing? How will we ever unite the schools if Ranma marries Shampoo?" When he caught sight of Akane out of the corner of his eye, he added, "And what of poor Akane, look at her, her heart is broken!"

Stacking twice her usual height of bricks, Akane replied, "My heart is not broken! I couldn't care less what, or who Ranma does with his time!" She yelled as she drove her fist through the bricks. There had been one too many though and pain radiated up her arm as the final brick refused to crack under her anger. Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes from the sudden sensation.

"Her broken heart has brought her to tears Saotome! By poor baby girl!" Soun blubbered.

Genma decided that he had to take charge of this situation, after all, a break up might leave him homeless and unfed. "It is not so bad Tendo. If we have Akane and Ranma marry before the birth of the baby, they can adopt it!" It was a terrible plan, even to his own ears, but he was a desperate man.

The light of hope in Soun's eyes was rekindled by the thought, "Of course!" He spun to face Akane, "Do you see Akane? If you would just take back that bill and make up with Ranma, everyone could be happy!" Everyone, in Soun's mind, obviously did not include Shampoo.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Akane couldn't believe the ridiculousness that she was hearing. "No way!"

Soun, never knowing when it might be wise to just give up, tuned to the girl that had just arrived home and was now watching the scene with interest, "Nabiki, talk to your sister would you?"

"Sure thing, daddy." Nabiki smiled broadly as she approached Akane, who watched her warily. "Akane, I am so proud of you." She grabbed up both of her sister's hands in her own. "You are finally showing genuine interest in the family's finances and I have never felt closer to you." Akane could have sworn that Nabiki's eyes were getting a little watery as she continued, "We could set you up with your own investment portfolio!" Akane found herself unable to argue as Nabiki dragged her into the house, rambling about stock prices. So few things genuinely excited her sister that she couldn't bear to tell her that the whole bill thing had been primarily Ukyo's idea.

In the back yard, Soun was stunned by his middle daughter's betrayal. Tears were flowing down his cheeks, "It is hopeless Saotome!" He cried.

"Now now, Tendo, there is one thing." Genma replied, winging it.

Soun sniffed and with a whimper asked, "What, what is it my friend?"

Genma stood tall, light reflected off his glasses as he declared, "You are the man of the house!" Soun nodded meekly at this. "As man of the house, YOU can cancel Ranma's debt." Soun nodded a little more vigorously, "With that out of the way, surely the two will reconcile!" Genma was thoroughly relieved when Soun nodded furiously in agreement. Hopefully that would buy him enough time to come up with a better plan. "Now, where do you suppose the boy is?" He wondered out loud.

* * *

After babbling excessively about interest rates, retirement funds and investment opportunities, Nabiki had grabbed a bite to eat and taken off somewhere. Akane had cooled off after icing her sore hand and had decided to go for a walk. As se meandered through the neighbourhood she heard a familiar noise. Turning into the vacant lot, her suspicions were confirmed. "P-Chan!" Someone has tied the poor pig to a pole and left him there. It was obvious that he'd been trying to gnaw his way through the rope that held him, one section was chewed almost all the way through. "Oh, my poor baby! Who would do this to you?" She asked as she undid the knots in the rope.

Akane hugged her pet pig to her bosom as she walked towards the local park. Ryoga wasn't quite as comfortable with this as he used to be. It seemed a little wrong somehow, like he was betraying Ranma. He scoffed internally, Ranma had just turned him into a pig, tied him to a pole and left him there. Defiantly, he rested his head on her chest and tried to relax and enjoy the moment. It's not that he liked being a pig, because he didn't, but there was a certain simplistic comfort in the life of a pig, a pet pig at least. To be cared for and loved in such a manner was very soothing for a boy that spent so much time alone.

"Oh P-Chan," Akane sighed as she sat on a swing, "at least I can trust you not to lie and hide things from me." She said sadly as she petted him. Ryoga looked away in shame, because he knew that he likely lied to her more often than anyone else. "What am I going to do? I thought that Ranma just wanted to be a girl, that we could finally be friends. I was wrong though, that coward was just hiding from Shampoo because he- he- arg! That jerk! Acting like my friend but not even telling me!" Akane tilted her head to the side, something seemed off about that statement. "Oh," She whispered, "Ranma did try to tell me, didn't he?"

P-Chan nodded his head since she seemed to be looking for an answer. Ranma had tried to speak with her, even if that wasn't necessarily what she'd intended to reveal.

She felt a twinge of guilt for her outburst at school. "Maybe- maybe I should let him explain. Do you think?" She asked her trusted pet, who nodded once more. "Ok," She said as she stood from the swing, "now, where do you suppose he could be?"

* * *

Ranma stepped out of the changing room, grumbling, but relieved that Nabiki's friend had chosen a more moderate costume in the end than the naughty maid. Not that a Lolita maid was much better, but at least her midriff wasn't exposed. Looking in the dressing room's full length mirror and brushed her hand over her stomach. She wasn't showing yet, from the book Xiao Tao had given her, she knew it would be a few more weeks at least, but she felt like if anyone saw her bare belly, they would somehow know.

Sadashi, Nabiki's friend, was launching a maid café. She had wanted an attraction to draw customers for their Grand opening, and as Nabiki had invested in the place, she too wanted it to be a success. This had lead Nabiki into asking- no, _blackmailing_ Ranma to join the staff, at least for the opening day, in order to drum up business. No one drew a crowd quite like Ranma.

As Ranma inspected herself in the mirror, Sadashi came up behind her and tied her headpiece on. "Nabiki was right, you are really cute. With you drumming up business, hopefully our opening evening will be packed." Ranma just continued to grumble as she slipped on a pair of ribbon-ridden mary janes, grabbed the stack of flyers that she had been asked to distribute and headed out of the building.

Once outside, she decided that if she was gonna do this thing, she ought to do it right, Sadashi seemed nice enough after all. With that thought in mind she put her limited, but effective, feminine skills to use by batting her large doe eyes coquettishly at passersby as she handed out flyers for the café. She didn't notice the girl sitting inside a store window on the opposite side of the street, taking pictures and waiting for all Hell to break loose. _Any minute now… _she thought with great expectation.

As if on cue, students from Furinkan high started coming down the street in droves. The girls giggled while the boys whistled and cheered. Ranma paled, these were some of the last people in the world that she wanted to see her like this, but she had done much more humiliating things in front of them before, so she decided that she could deal with it. She headed for Hiroshi and Daisuke first, handed them each a flyer and tried to convince them to come inside.

"Oh, we already know all about the place." Hiroshi dug around in his pocket and pulled out a flyer.

"Yeah Ranma, that's why we're all here." Daisuke continued, "Seems like false advertising though." He complained as he pointed at the flyer Hiroshi was holding up.

Ranma's eyes widened as she snatched the paper out of her friend's hand. _This isn't like the flyers I have at all! _Sure, it advertised the café, but the picture on it was of her in that horrible skimpy maid costume that Nabiki had forced her to try on 'to test the size'. _That sneak, she was just getting pictures of me! Why am I not surprised…? _Ranma promptly ripped the flyer into a million pieces.

"Hey! I was gonna frame that!" Hiroshi whined.

Daisuke leaned toward him and whispered a little too loudly, "Don't worry about it, I'm sure Nabiki will sell copies of the original."

Ranma considered hitting the pair over their heads, but instead just rolled her eyes. The two were incurable perverts, and had begged Ranma, along with many of the other male students, not to go looking for a cure on numerous occasions, but at least they weren't actually perusing her like Kuno. She settled for asking "So are you gonna come in and order something or not?"

Hiroshi looked thoughtful, "I dunno, I mean, the flyer promised live entertainment."

Nodding, Ranma replied, "Yeah, the girls have a stage inside where they dance and sing."

Daisuke grinned, "Yeah, but it's not them on the flyer is it?"

Ranma blanched, "I ain't singin' and dancin'!" she hissed at the two boys.

"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma. Is that any way to treat potential customers?" Nabiki asked as she came up behind Ranma.

"Singin' and dancin' is girl stuff!" Ranma said in a huff.

Nabiki leaned in close and whispered, "Oh, so you don't do girl stuff now? I guess that means the whole situation with Ryoga is just a big misunderstanding. Maybe I should tell them all about it and we'll all have a good laugh."

Awkwardly and unenthusiastically, Ranma called out, "Singin' and dancin', yay." and turned to head inside. The student body cheered and followed behind her.

Sadashi's eyes widened when she saw the horde of customer's following Nabiki's redheaded 'friend'. She wondered briefly if fire codes would even allow so many people into her establishment at one time, but brushed her concern aside, she had customers to serve.

It was only a few minutes later, that the girl on stage finished her song and Nabiki pushed Ranma into the spotlight. Nabiki grinned as the students waited anxiously for Ranma to humiliate herself. Nabiki knew better though, she had heard Ranma perform before at family parties. Rather than the off-key screeching that they had been expecting, the students of Furinkan, the customers that had already been inside, servers and even passersby on the street were all held spellbound by the soulful voice coming from the stage.

* * *

Akane had been making her way to Ukyo's when she saw the commotion, everyone seemed to be rushing toward a shop at the end of the street. _Wasn't that place empty?_ She wondered as she made her way over to see what was going on. As she got closer she could see girls in maid costumes setting up tables on the sidewalk to accommodate the many customers gathering there, as though no more could fit inside. _It looks like a café. I wonder why it's so crowded. _The answer came to her as she neared and was lured in by the siren song coming from within. _It couldn't be…_

Her suspicion was confirmed when she approached the door and peeked inside the café, which was filled to capacity. Ranma's male side had a rather unimpressive singing voice, he wouldn't deafen you, but it was nothing to write home about. Ranma's girl side however, Akane had been jealous ever since she'd first heard her sing at a family party. As she watched from the doorway, she failed to notice the effect that the red head was having on her pet pig.

Ryoga was staring in awe at the red-headed angel singing on stage. At that moment in time, with his heart thumping wildly, Ryoga found it impossible to reconcile the lovely creature before him with the image he held in his head of his male martial arts rival. It was at this moment that he realized he was well and truly screwed because that was when, without a doubt, he fell in love with the girl that didn't exist.

_Double crap!_

* * *

Ranma had to admit that her singing drawing such a large crowd was rather gratifying. _Ok, this is kinda fun… _A few songs in, when she realized that not only was she not being mocked or made fun of, but people were actually enthralled, she relaxed and started to enjoy herself. She had even found herself swaying to the music and occasionally mimicking the dance moves being performed by the girls on either side of her. She had begun to enjoy herself so much that she almost didn't see the chains coming. Almost. At the very last second she dived out of the way, only to look back and see that Mousse had tied up one of the back-up dancers.

"Ranma Saotome! Finally, I will make you pay for besmirching Shampoo's honor." With a tug on the chains, he pulled the poor scared girl off her feet, through the air and drew his fist back in order to hit her as she approached.

_Man, didn't this guy learn his lesson the last time?_ Ranma threw the microphone in her hand at full speed, hitting Mousse in the head. "Put your glasses on, you blind idiot!" Ranma yelled, as the back up dancer crashed landed, taking Mousse down with her.

Mousse pulled his coke-bottle glasses down over his eyes, "Who are you?" He asked, looking up at the girl sitting on his chest. Before she could answer he turned his head to glare at Ranma, "What a cowardly move. Substituting this poor girl for yourself to evade punishment."

"I didn't do nothin'! You're the one who grabbed her!" Looking around, Ranma noticed, with a frown, that there were far too many people in the café. If the idiot fought her now, everyone would get caught up in their fight, especially considering that the door and front window were packed with people trying to see what was going on now. If a fight did break out, no one would even be able to escape. "Mousse, can we not do this now? How about I meet you after work, ok?"

Tossing the girl that had been sitting on him to the side, Mousse leapt to his feet. "You can't delay my revenge. All these people will bear witness to your defeat! I will see you disgraced for what you have done to Shampoo!" He yelled as he lunged at Ranma.

Looking around, Ranma noticed that the stage was now free of dancers and lured Mousse toward it. _If we fight up here, there will be less of a chance that someone will get hurt. Now there's just one problem… _She hadn't forgotten how her last few fights had ended, if the fool pushed her too far, the aura of the Fierce Mother Bear might emerge._ I can't let that happen with so many people around. Think Saotome, think. _Her eyes lit up with an idea as she continued to dodge Mousse's attacks. _Yeah, that could work… _Ranma thought as she fell into the Soul of Ice.

Akane tried to maneuver through the crowd to put an end to the fight, but there were far too many people packed in the café for her to make any headway. "What if she flips out again?" Akane wondered out loud. Ryoga had been planning to break free from Akane's grasp, but when he saw Ranma assume the Soul of Ice, he stopped. _That could work…_ He had to admit it was actually rather brilliant, since the Mama Bear aura was blazing hot, a cold technique might keep it in balance. Then again, the clash of temperatures inside the martial artist could just as easily tear her apart.

It seemed to Ranma that all she did lately was fight with a handicap. Once again she found herself limited by the non-combatants gathered nearby as she ducked, dodged and weaved to avoid Mousse's unending supply of projectiles, ensuring all the while that none of the spectators were caught in the crosshairs. She managed it all methodically however, void of emotions, while planning how to best take out her opponent and cause as little damage to Sadashi's shop as possible. She surveyed the patrons quickly as she deflected a flying chainsaw away from the crowd, unfortunately everyone gathered seemed to have a preference for hot beverages, something cold to splash Mousse with would have been nice. As several knives flew at her she came up with plan B. _If this works, he's toast. _From that moment she stopped dodging entirely and deflected every item hurled her way, which included, but were not limited to, a sets of weights, an anvil, a hairbrush and a dozen eggs. Before the eggs could hit any surface and explode, as Ranma was sure they would, she threw her hands forward.

"Ha! What was that supposed to do?" Mouse taunted, "Maybe you should train mo-" He was cut off suddenly as nearly every item that Ranma had deflected crashed into him at the same time and the dozen eggs did in fact explode.

Ryoga was impressed, she had used the basic principles behind the Throwing Iron Cloth technique to connect a chi thread to each item she had deflected. She hadn't bothered to harden them, she'd just thrown them back at her unsuspecting opponent, going so far as to ensure that any sharp objects impacted with the blunt end first.

_Heh, didn't even need the Soul of Ice_, she thought as the smoke cleared to reveal a thoroughly unconscious Mousse. _Not much damage done either, not bad. _

That's when a delivery bicycle crashed through the front window.

_Damn, I spoke too soon._

**Author's note: **Ok, so Ranma sang with the Tendos in the Christmas special. In the english version, she wasn't that good. In the japanese version however, I felt like her voice was the best. That's just my preference however, but I'm sticking with it... and maybe exaggerating a little, for the fun of it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Outside the café, people were picking themselves up and dusting themselves off after having been bowled over by the blue haired Amazon. "Aiya, Shampoo is too late to stop Mousse."

Ranma, hoping that Shampoo wouldn't attack her in front of so many witnesses, asked, "Shampoo, could ya take this idiot home and tell him ya ain't pregnant" Ranma asked, then looked around the room and continued, "Actually, could ya tell everyone that ya ain't?"

"Ranma," Shampoo gasped and placed the back of her hand on her forehead dramatically while her eyes filled with tears, "Why is you denying proof of you and Shampoo's love?" Her desired effect was achieved when a round of excited whispers broke out among the students.

Ranma nearly fell over, but recovered and yelled, "What? I ain't never done that with you!" Turning to the whispering students her protestation continued, "I never touched her!"

Falling to her knees, Shampoo let the crocodile tears fall, "Why is you pretending you no can remember the many many time we #$%^&amp; and *&amp;^$# !?" A handkerchief appeared in her hand and she dabbed at her eyes, "It was all too too romantic, in the candlelight, Ranma promise that if Shampoo give up too too sexy body, then he love her forever!"

The female students were all sending Ranma death glares again, an angry aura radiated off of them. This was the sort of situation in which Ranma was at her worst, "I uh…er…" Sweat ran down the side of her face as she glanced from Shampoo to the gaggle of angry girls. Crying girls and angry girls were not her forte, but both together? Ranma froze.

Ryoga narrowed his eyes, he'd had enough of Shampoo's little game. Akane tried to keep a hold on him, but he struggled free and dashed toward the back of the café. One benefit of being tiny was that he could easily weave through people's legs. Finding a pot of hot water had been easy, clothes were another matter entirely.

Shampoo latched onto Ranma, her arms winding around the other girl. "Is good solution, no?" Shampoo whispered, "You come to China with Shampoo, Shampoo and Ranma raise baby and make many many more. No one need know that you do nasty things with boy, yes? Is very embarrassing." Continuing, she added, "Shampoo even make Pig-Boy forget with shiatsu. Is too too perfect, yes?"

Ranma honestly wasn't certain if she was tempted or disgusted by the offer. Running away from inconvenient situations was a bad habit of hers. Ranma liked the well-travelled path, her father had trained her to take the easy way out since childhood. However, the thought of accepting made her stomach twist unpleasantly. Being saddled with Shampoo would be bad enough, but erasing Ryoga's memories would be a terrible betrayal. Plus, she had to admit, she rather liked having him around.

Sensing that Ranma was not convinced, Shampoo decided to go for the kill. "Or maybe I just tell whole school what pervert you are. Look there. Is Akane, no? I think she like to know." She tilted her head to indicate the spot where the youngest Tendo was standing, then opened her lips as though she was going to yell.

Ranma promptly slapped her hand over Shampoo's mouth. "Wait, wait… I-" She was spared from having to do or say anything, much to her relief, by Ryoga's voice coming from behind her.

"Let her go, Shampoo, and drop the act." When Ranma turned, she was startled to see Ryoga had stolen her clothes from the changing room. Red didn't suit him at all.

Shampoo didn't budge, but she did peel Ranma's hand from her mouth. "Is you going to make me, Pig-Boy?" she asked in a challenging tone. She was fairly certain that Ryoga wouldn't attack her while she was holding Ranma, and she was right. What Shampoo hadn't counted on was Ranma forcefully pushing her off. Now that Ranma had an ally, she didn't feel as threatened by the mob of angry girls. It helped that Shampoo had stopped crying.

As soon as Ranma was free, Ryoga grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her behind him. "Hey!" she snapped, "I don't need you protecting me!" She tried to wriggle free, but his grip was firm.

"Yeah, because you were doing so great on your own." He replied sarcastically as he looked back at her. The brief distraction was all Shampoo needed. She whipped her chui out from who-knows-where and charged at Ryoga. Ranma yanked him to the side and the chui smashed into the stage floor, sending splinters into the air.

"Now who needs protecting?" she asked, her face looking smug and satisfied as the pair jumped out of the way of another attack. _Man, if this keeps up I'm gonna get _another_ bill for damages, this time from Nabiki._ Ranma leapt toward the window, now that it was already broken there was no reason not to jump through. Customers ducked out of the way as she dragged the lost boy out of the café and onto the street, where he promptly tucked her behind him again. "Hey!" she snapped indignantly.

"Ranma," he groaned, "you aren't supposed to be fighting and you know it. I know you can handle yourself. Male or female you are a great martial artist, but this isn't about you right now. So if I let you go, will you behave, please?"

She really wanted to argue, but he was looking at her with that dammed sincerity again. "Fine." she groused. Once he let go of her wrist she crossed her arms and stepped back, looking grumpy. She knew she wasn't supposed to be fighting, heck, she didn't really want to because she knew because she'd be putting herself and others at risk, but having him fight her battles was still a blow to her pride.

Akane watched as Shampoo yelled something about a "Perverted Pig" and then attacked Ryoga, the whole time her 'Something seems off' senses were tingling widly. Earlier Ryoga had defended Ranma, but Akane had assumed it was because fighting brought out that weird aura. This time however Ranma hadn't been in any sort of danger that she could see, Shampoo was just hugging her. As far as she could tell, if Ryoga hadn't challenged Shampoo, there would not have been a fight at all. She recalled the moment that she had spotted Ryoga, he'd just stepped onto the stage. A strange expression had clouded his face briefly as he took in the sight of Shampoo with her hands all over Ranma. _Is he jealous?_ _Maybe this time he wasn't defending Ranma at all._ _Could he have challenged Shampoo just to separate them? _She wasn't paying much attention to the fight at this point, it was obvious that Ryoga would win, it had only gone on this long because he was holding back, probably so that he wouldn't hurt Shampoo. Then she remembered the gossip from school, someone had heard that Ryoga had gotten a girl pregnant. _Maybe he really is the father of Shampoo's baby and she is denying him while trying to trap Ranma? _

-Crack-

Akane winced_, Scratch that theory_. There was no way that Ryoga thought Shampoo was pregnant given the way he'd just launched her into the side of a building. He was far too sweet to do something like that. _Then what the Hell is going on?_ She fumed inside her own head. Nothing made any sense.

The girls from school huddled around Shampoo to make sure she was ok. The mood surrounding them was furious, while a few helped Shampoo up, the rest seemed to be forming an angry mob hell-bent on the destruction of one Ryoga Hibiki. "I think we should go." Ranma said as she grabbed Ryoga's collar and started to drag him down the street.

They didn't make it very far however, a cry of "Ryoga Hibiki, you will face my wrath!" stopped them in their tracks. "Do not fear ladies," he called to the angry mob, "for I, Tatewaki Kuno, will make this fiend pay for his crimes against women!" He refocused on Ryoga, "I know not what your quarrel is with the blue haired girl, nor do I care. Engaging in amorous congress with the Pigtailed-Girl, to fulfill your depraved carnal desires however is unforgivable!"

He was met with two blank stares, Ranma and Ryoga replied simultaneously, in genuine confusion, "What?" He may as well have been speaking Gibberish, and for all they knew, he was.

Akane however had run the sentence through her Kuno-to-human translator, backward and forward. _No, that's just silly._ Her mind was busy connecting dots, but she was unwilling to decipher the picture that they had formed. _It's just Kuno talking nonsense like he always does._

"Do not attempt to deny it, for my dear sweet Pigtailed-Goddess confessed to me herself that you had your foul way with her! I can only conclude that she wished for me to rescue her from your licentious grasp!"

Ryoga sent a glare Ranma's way. _What the Hell was she thinking?_

_No…_ Akane refused to believe her ears or her eyes. _There has to be another explanation, there _has _to be._

Kuno, it seemed, had not yet finished his little speech, he had one final thing to add, to Ranma this time. "Word of this seducer's indiscretion had reached my ears. Fear not my beloved, once I liberate you from this cretin, I will take full responsibility for your condition! You need never fear this Lothario again!"

The girls that had previously been an angry mob had completely lost their fire, they now stood in various states of confusion and disbelief. The boys that weren't confused were either stunned or depressed. If what Kuno was saying was true then they'd actually had a shot and they'd blown it. Spectators that were not students were just enjoying the show, who would have thought a maid café would have such a wide variety of entertainment, they'd had singing, dancing, fighting and drama. If nothing else worked out, at least the café had had an amazingly successful grand opening.

Ranma watched the emotions playing out on the faces that filled the crowd. Far too many of them for Ranma's liking seemed to have deciphered Kuno's meaning. As she continued to glance from one spectator to the next, she eyes landed on Akane, who was staring right back at her. Akane's eyes were wide with disbelief, her expression changed to one of pleading when she noticed that she's caught Ranma eye. Pleading for Ranma to explain that that was all a big misunderstanding. The boy-turned-girl made no protest, no denial, Ranma's pained expression was her only reply. Akane's eyes widened in shock, shifted into understanding, and settled on disgust. The sense of complete and utter rejection made Ranma feel like a lead weight had been dropped on her chest. A buzzing filed her ears, growing louder and louder with every passing second and she realized that it was in fact the students gossiping in whispers. Humiliation made her cheeks burn and her breathing became erratic. She was only vaguely aware that Ryoga had kicked Kuno hard enough to send him flying into the next ward and was now standing in front of her. His lips were moving, but all she could hear over the sound of the buzz was her own heartbeat. She tried desperately to slip into the soul of ice, she needed an escape from this pain and embarrassment. As the cold detachment settled over her, the buzzing receded and her senses returned.

"-hurting Shampoo!" Was the first thing she heard as something collided painfully with her back. Heat bubbled up within her, contained just as she had hoped it would be by her icy exterior. It swirled and clashed with her own cold chi to create a raging chi storm within her. Ryoga caught her when she stumbled from the pain. She felt like her entire being was going to be ripped apart from the inside. That's when she heard it, a teakettle whistling from a table where the maid café servers were set up to provide drinks and snacks to the onlookers. She spun away from Ryoga to face Mousse, threw her arm forward and created an opening for the pressure to escape from. She had been expecting a chi blast, like the Lion's Roar, instead an aura, greatly resembling a bear's paw lashed out and punched the bespectacled boy, who was thrown high into the air until he became a spec and vanished.

A hand landed on her shoulder, "Ranma…" Ryoga started from behind her. She leapt away however, breathing heavily. She'd lost her control over the Soul of Ice and the embarrassment and sting of rejection had hit her full force again, she just couldn't cope right now. It was just too much, so she ran.

* * *

After running several blocks away from the café by rooftop, Ranma slowed her pace and dropped onto the sidewalk. She couldn't stay with the Tendos anymore, she knew that much. Her engagement to Akane was over and she suspected that very soon even Soun would agree on that. Staying with Ukyo was clearly out. Staying with the Amazons would be akin to proposing to Shampoo at this point. If her mother discovered her secret, Ranma shuddered, no, she couldn't go to her mother. She sighed an began to wish that she'd dragged Ryoga along, his house would have been a reasonable option. She had no desire to go looking for him right now though, she had to get to the Tendos' and pack before Akane got home. She picked up the pace again, deciding that she'd figure out where to go after she collected her belongings, luckily she didn't own much.

In order to evade detection as she entered the house, she went in through the window. She smiled briefly as she thought back on the many times that she'd yelled at her suitors for doing the very same. It was quickly replaced with a frown though, those days were over. She grabbed her pack and quickly unloaded the contents of her drawers into the bag.

She pulled the enchanted map out, "Oh, are we going some- mmpph!" and shoved it in her pack. She'd explain later, if she felt like it. The last thing she removed from her drawers was the book that the midwife had given her. There were only a few pages left, she'd read most of it now. _The Old Bat did say to come see her when I was done… Why not? _

Back on the street, Ranma looked both ways. _Now which way was it again?_ She turned right and was three blocks away when she realized that she should have gone left and doubled back.

The same receptionist that had been there the day of her first appointment was back again. The girl quickly slipped into the back room to fetch the midwife.

"Ah, finished the book already have you?" The Old Crone asked in place of a greeting.

Shuffling her feet, Ranma replied, "Er… Almost. I should be done by tomorrow, I think."

Xiao Tao raised one bushy eyebrow, wondering why the martial artist had returned if she hadn't yet finished the book. "If you are not ready for the training, then what can I do for you?"

Ranma blushed, she had no problem accepting people's hospitality, but didn't care much for asking favours from near-strangers. "I was hoping I could stay here." She looked up and rushed the next bit, "I'd train of course, but I will help out any way I can too."

A smile spread across the wizened old face of the midwife, _it's the perfect situation, and I didn't even have to meddle this time._ "You may, but you'd best be prepared to be put to work." She paused, then added, "If the boy plans to stay, he'd better be willing to work as well."

"Boy?" Ranma asked.

Xiao Tao tipped her head toward the entrance. Sure enough, when Ranma opened the door she spotted Ryoga crouched on a roof across the street. He jumped down when he realized that he'd been spotted. "What are you doing here?" She asked him as she strolled out to meet him.

A faint blush darkened his cheeks, "I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

She nodded at that, "How did you find me?"

"I uh," He paused with his hand placed awkwardly behind his head, "followed you." He admitted.

Ranma snorted, _Of course_. "Well come inside then, it'll be better than creeping around our here on people's rooftops. The Old Bat said you could stick around, if you help out."

Ryoga shrugged and followed her inside, he had nowhere else to be, and for once, nowhere else he'd rather be.

**Author's Note: **Sorry that this one is short, it just seemed like the best place to end the chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

Not mine, not for profit, yadda yadda.

Chapter 13

"The kitchen is here on the left and the bathroom at the end of the hall." Xiao Tao was giving Ranma and Ryoga the guided tour. The rear of the clinic opened into a living space where the old woman lived with her grandson. "Up the stairs over here are the bedrooms." She continued as she lead them to the upper level. "This one is Iichiro's room, mine is down the hall," Ranma noted that they had passed a room that the old midwife hadn't made mention of before arriving at the end of the hall. "and this will be your room." She said as she turned the handle and went inside.

Ranma looked around the room, it was sparsely decorated, but it was a step up from her room at the Tendos. There was an actual bed in the corner, a luxury that was almost completely foreign to Ranma. She sat her pack next the wardrobe and proceeded to sit on the bed, so _soft_, she laid down and nearly lost herself in comfort. Ryoga snapped her back to reality though.

"Uh, so where will I be staying?" He asked nervously. He was uncomfortable, he didn't know this woman at all and didn't want to be an imposition.

The old woman's mouth quirked up in the corner and an amused glint lit up her eyes. "The bed is a double." She replied, a touch of humour lacing her voice.

Ranma sat up straight as a rod and Ryoga nearly fell over. "What?" They exclaimed simultaneously.

"Oh please, given the circumstances, it would be pointless to separate you. It's not like you can get into any more trouble." She waved her hand dismissively, but her continued grin clearly indicated that she knew full well that was not the reason for their outburst.

"What about that other room down the hall?" Ranma asked. She was curious as to why the old woman hadn't made any mention of what was in there during her little tour.

The joviality on the old woman's face was replaced by a hard expression. "You would do well to stay out of that room. Terrible things will happen to whomever enters it." A chilly and dangerous aura wafted off the old midwife that made both Ryoga and Ranma shiver involuntarily. They both gulped and nodded in understanding. The aura fled as rapidly as it appeared and the smile returned to the midwife's face, "Well then, I'll just let the two of you settle in."

After the door closed behind her, Ranma and Ryoga just looked at each other, glanced at the bed, then looked away. "Look," Ranma started, deciding that they may as well just get this over with, "we slept next ta each other the whole time we were camping, right?" It was true, there hadn't been much of a gap between their sleeping bags, the tent had been small, it had been easier to travel with that way. "So this really ain't much different." She still wasn't looking at him as she spoke. "There's blankets in the corner, so it ain't like we gotta share or nothin'." She nodded to herself, _That's right, this ain't nothin'_.

"Yeah." Ryoga agreed. He was glad that Ranma was still avoiding looking his way, because he could feel the blush rising to his cheeks. He looked away from her and examined the room, until his eyes drifted over her pack. "Uh, Ranma,"

"Yeah?" She asked, finally looking up at him.

He shuffled his feet and scratched the back of his head, he was sure she wouldn't like what he was about to say. "I, uh, my bag… It's still at the Tendos'." He hadn't grabbed it while Ranma was there because he didn't want her to know he was following her, and he didn't grab it after she left because if he had taken his eyes off her for a second, he would never have been able to find her again.

"Oh." She said, looking up and realizing that he was still wearing her clothes. She really didn't want to go back to the Tendos' again, every trip risked her being caught and would inevitably end with someone wanting answers. She couldn't just leave him without his stuff though. She sighed, "Ok, just let me get changed first." With everything that had been going on, she hadn't changed out of the maid costume. There was no way she was going back out dressed like that.

Ryoga nodded, but just kept standing by the door. She raised her eyebrow at him, crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the floor impatiently. "Oh, uh, right." He muttered as he left the room.

* * *

Akane was unsure of who she could confide in at the moment. She was so distressed that she was barely holding herself together. She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or break something, not that she hadn't cried a good deal already during her walk. She knew that she couldn't let her father or the Saotomes know what was going on, that would be a death sentence for Ranma. As angry as she was, she still didn't want him- her- whatever dead.

Looking back now, she was sure that Nabiki had known, many of her classmates had attempted to back out of her betting pools after the fiasco at the café. Nabiki had asked them, with a predatory grin, "I asked when _Ranma's_ baby was due. Did I ever mention Shampoo?" The students had shaken their heads. "Then I asked if Ranma or Ryoga was the father. Was Shampoo mentioned that time?" They shook their heads again. "So then, since Ranma is still set to have a baby, and Ryoga, has been revealed to be the father, the bets stand." There were groans all around, very few people had bet on Ryoga. She did notice Gosunkugi doing a happy dance, but after saying something to Nabiki, he fell into depression. Any other day Akane might have tried to cheer him up, but not today, she was too miserable herself.

As she entered her family's home, she realized that there had really only ever been one option. She crept quietly through the house, Genma and Soun were sitting out on the deck playing shogi, which she was thankful for, as they failed to notice her as she checked the kitchen for her eldest sister. It was empty however, so Akane turned back and nearly collided with Nodoka who was entering behind her.

"Oh, sorry Akane dear, I wasn't looking where I- Oh, dear, have you been crying?" Asked Nodoka, having just noticed Akane's reddened eyes.

"Crying?" Asked Soun as he burst into the kitchen.

"What has the boy done now?" Genma wondered aloud.

"What more could he possibly do? That- That- PERVERT! It's sick is what it is! I can't believe he- I mean I knew he was a pervert but- ARGH!" She wanted to vent her frustrations so badly, but these were not the right people. Thankfully the person she wanted to see most right then came to investigate the commotion.

"Oh my! Akane, you poor thing, come with me and we'll get you cleaned up." Kasumi handed her youngest sister a handkerchief and led her out of the kitchen. She sent a look back over her shoulder that told the adults not to follow them. A look like that from Kasumi was not to be ignored.

Nodoka looked at the two men in front of her, "What's going on here?"

Genma put his hands up in front of himself defensively, "Now, now, it's not _that_ bad."

"Not _that_ bad? not _THAT_ bad?" Soun shouted at his long-time friend, "Your son is cheating on my sweet Akane and you say 'It's not _that_ bad'?"

Nodoka gasped, "Is this true?" She asked Genma.

"You know how boys are, he's just sowing some wild oats." Genma tried to play it off, but inside he was panicking, he was rapidly losing control of the situation, _and after I'd finally settled Soun down too, _he sighed internally, he had no idea how he was going to get himself and the boy out of this one.

"The girl is pregnant Saotome!" Soun continued to wail.

Nodoka gasped again, "Are you sure?"

"The boy hasn't been home yet to ask, it could just be childish speculation and rumours. You know how kids are." A bead of sweat rolled down his neck.

Her brow furrowed, "Hmm… I can't say that I approve, but a healthy young man does have needs. Perhaps he just wanted to preserve Akane's honour until marriage?" The crease in her brow smoothed, "Yes, that would be the manly thing to do. Alright, we will wait and hear Ranma's explanation before doing anything rash." Of course she hoped that there was a misunderstanding, she was loathe to the idea of her first born grandchild being illegitimate if it turned out to be true, none of her options were ideal. Firstly of course, Ranma could simply deny the child, the brunt of the societal implications would fall on the mother and Ranma would be free to do as he pleased. That option grated against her personal moral code however. The second option, would be to make an arrangement with the mother that would allow Ranma and Akane to raise the child. She was certain that Ranma would be amenable, but Akane was willful and would need some convincing. The final option of course was to force Ranma to marry the girl, but given the number of manipulative suitors Ranma had, she found it likely that this may have been the girl's intention all along. _Hmm, in that case, option one might not be so bad…_ She excused herself to go and meditate on the matter, it was not something to be thought over lightly.

Once again that day, Genma relaxed, enjoying his brief respite. If everything fell apart, he'd be forced out on the street, or worse, forced to live with Nodoka. He eyed his wife's retreating form, she had lived with them here temporarily after Ranma's overzealous suitors had wrecked her house, but she had developed a bit of an independent streak during his absence. She had attempted to get Genma to move into an apartment with her, but when it became apparent that she expected him to get a real job to cover half of the expenses, he insisted that he was needed here to help oversee Ranma and Akane's relationship. She had instead found a single apartment and maintained it herself with her family's money. Money that she had been forbidden to share with Genma by her father on the day of their marriage. No one told Genma about the agreement until after the 'I dos', much to his chagrin.

* * *

"-and he didn't deny it. I mean, I always knew he was a pervert, but I never thought it was this bad." Akane had just finished her retelling of the afternoon's events to Kasumi, who had patiently listened while her sister cried, lamented, ranted and fumed.

Kasumi stroked her sister's hair in a motherly manner and in a gentle voice said, "Akane, I know it must hurt that Ranma did this while you were still engaged, you have every right to be mad about that. However, I want you to think for a minute. When you thought Ranma just wanted to be a girl, you were happy for her and wanted to be her friend." Akane opened her mouth to object that the situation was different now, but Kasumi quieted her with a stern look. "If Ranma wanted to be a girl, was a girl, is a girl then what would be the problem with her liking boys?" Kasumi was tempted to add that just whom a person liked didn't matter, be it boy or girl, but she didn't want to push Akane too far all at once. She knew Akane was a sweet girl, but she was equally as stubborn.

Akane's mouth opened, but this time she found herself with nothing to say. It was true, she had been happy thinking of Ranma as a girl. If any of her other girlfriends liked boys, and she generally assumed they did, she would think nothing of it. If they had found themselves in Ranma's current situation, she would have been sympathetic rather than revolted. When she thought back over the day's events, she recalled the look on Ranma's face right before she had fled. Heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken, and Akane knew that her rejection was responsible for that. _I'm a terrible friend_. Akane hugged her sister and went to take a bath. She needed a good long soak to think, she was still angry over Ranma's betrayal. Even if Ranma did like boys, it was not ok to do that sort of thing when you had a fiancée. However, Akane knew that she had hurt Ranma just as badly in return. She wanted to apologize, but if she tracked down Ranma now in her current state of confusion and anger, she'd say something that she would regret later. She needed to clear her head first.

* * *

Genma noticed that something was off the second he opened the bedroom door. Ranma's drawers were open and the travelling pack that belonged to the boy was not sitting in the corner. Genma wondered briefly if the boy had run off on another training mission, but decided that it was unlikely. On closer inspection he noticed that everything was gone, including the boy's girlier belongings. Genma had only ever opened that drawer once, by accident, and was so disturbed and ashamed that he never opened it again. He may have also yelled, just a little bit, and thrown Ranma out the window for leaving such embarrassing possessions laying around where anyone could find them. He looked at the drawer now, open and bare, Ranma wouldn't have taken the contents of that drawer on a training trip. Genma scanned the room carefully for any remaining signs of his son, but found none. The only thing that did not belong to himself or the Tendos was Ryoga's backpack.

Worry gripped him once again, _if this keeps up, I'm going to have a heart attack_. The most likely scenario in Genma's mind, was that the boy had run off with Shampoo. He sighed as he sat in the corner, if that was the case, then his freeloading off the Tendos would come to an end. He doubted very much that Cologne would let him leech off of them, but Shampoo would likely do anything to keep her 'Airen' happy. Free ramen for life didn't really sound that bad. His thoughts were disturbed by a rustling in the tree outside, followed by soft footfalls indicating that someone and entered the room through the window.

"Boy, explain yourself." He said, looking up at Ranma.

Ranma was surprised to see her father sitting in the corner, from outside the room had looked empty. She shuffled out of the way to make room for Ryoga to jump through the window and whispered, "Shh, keep your voice down Pop, if ya don't wanna die."

A dangerous look crossed over Genma's face, "Are you threatening me, Boy?"

Soun, who had been walking down the hallway, heard voices in the Saotome's guestroom and burst through the door. "You!" He said in an accusatory voice, "You had better explain yourself."

Both Ranma and Ryoga pressed their fingers to their lips, "Shhhh!" they hissed in unison.

Now on his feet, Genma stood over Ranma looking intimidating, "Don't you Shush me, Boy!"

Whispering as loudly and furiously as she dared, Ranma replied, "If mom hears ya and comes up here, we're both gonna get it." She emphasized her point by drawing her finger over her throat.

This shut the two men up, but it was too late, Nodoka came rushing through the door. "Oh Ranma, you must clear this misunderstanding up quickly. Tell us everything. Who is this girl? Do you love her? Is she truly with child? What about Akane? Will you marry her? Shall we set a date? What of the child? Would you raise it with Akane? Haven't you had enough of training as a girl yet?" The woman had gone red in the face from asking so many questions without taking a breath. She gasped a few times for air and looked as though she was about to continue, but was interrupted by Genma.

"Nodoka, Dear, this really is a sensitive topic, you may hear far more than you want to know. How about you let Tendo and myself here talk to the boy, we'll get the answers we need and sort this whole mess out." Genma had an inkling now that things were far more serious than he had previously believed if Ranma thought that Nodoka might carry out her pledge. _What has the boy done now?_ He had to get rid of his wife before finding out though.

Ranma, who looked as though she wanted melt into the floorboards, was relieved when after a few minutes of quiet bickering, her father convinced her mother that this was a discussion best left to the 'men'. She did tell Ranma that they would have to discuss the situation later on though, but Ranma had no intention of sticking around.

The door clicked as Nodoka left and they all sat down and waited until they could no longer hear her retreating footsteps. When he was sure that they could no longer be overheard, Genma cleared his throat, "Now, Boy, why do you think your mother is going to enforce the seppuku pact?"

Soun however had asked a question at the same time, "Ranma, is that Shampoo girl really pregnant?"

Ignoring her father's question for the time being, Ranma answered Soun's because it was easier, "It's just one of her tricks. She figured that if she said that in public I'd have ta marry her."

Ranma found herself caught up in a hug by the older man, "Oh what joy! To know that this was all a misunderstanding and that you didn't cheat on my Akane!" Tears of happiness were streaking down his face.

"Er..." A distinctly uncomfortable expression settled onto Ranma's face as Soun dislodged himself and she rubbed her arm self-consciously. "Uh... heh."

Tears of joy turned to tears of distress, "No! Tell me you didn't, son." Soun cried dramatically.

Genma nodded in understanding, "So you have been carrying on an affair with the girl."

"No way! I ain't never touched her!" Ranma yelled defensively.

"Ukyo then?" Genma asked. He could live with a lifetime of okonomiyaki if it came to that.

"Pops!"

"The gymnast then?" She was the only other girl in Ramna's life that Genma could remember. She was completely insane though. _Oh, perhaps…_ "Did she paralyse you?" He pulled something from behind his back, "Show me on this doll where she touched you!"

Ranma smacked the toy out of his hand. "Jeez! Knock it off already would ya, Pop? It wasn't any of them!"

Genma and Soun leaned forward in anticipation, Soun had even forgotten his misery temporarily as he waited expectantly for Ranma's answer. He could think of no other likely candidates for the boy's affections, and there was nothing like a good mystery to distract a troubled mind.

Ranma glanced sideways at the boy beside her, he had remained silent the whole time and was sitting rigidly. She sighed, _I suppose they'll find out eventually…_ "It was Ryoga, but it wasn't our-"

Before she could continue, the two fathers blinked, blinked again, then both burst into laughter. Genma went so far as to roll on the floor in his amusement, he was taking deep gasping breaths between guffaws. "You got me there, Boy." He wheezed several minutes later, "Really had me going." He added, his breathing coming under control. "Now who was it really?" He asked as he finally righted himself.

"It was Ryoga, but there were these mush-" She tried again to give her excuses, but it was to no avail. Two angry auras suddenly stood over her, Soun's giant samurai head and Genma's large panda form.

"How could you!" Soun demanded of her.

"You are no son of mine." Genma burned with rage.

Genma stepped forward to beat some sense into the foolish boy that was currently a threat to his very life. "Stop." Ryoga shouted, it was the first time he'd opened his mouth since entering the house. "She's pregnant."

"You..." Genma exclaimed as he pulled Ryoga to his feet. "You violated my daughter!" He roared irrationally, then proceeded to kick Ryoga out the window. He grabbed a very confused Ranma up in a hug and rocked her back and forth, "That bad boy won't touch you again, Daddy's here." Ranma was completely bewildered by the 180 degree turn that Genma's fury had taken.

Soun slumped against the wall, this was simply too much for him to take.

Genma finally noticed what he was doing and snapped out if it. -cough- "Yes, well, there is only one possible course of action. You've got to be a man, suck it up," he paused for effect, "and run for your life. Run, son. Run far and run fast before your mother finds out about this"

Ranma was thrown completely for a loop, "You mean you're not disowning me?"

"I- I don't know, but right now, you have to go." He replied_. Before your mother kills us both…_

Ranma grabbed Ryoga's pack, which was exceedingly heavy, took one last confused look back at her father and hopped out the window.

Soun muttered, "I can't believe you're ok with this Saotome."

"He's carrying my grandchild Tendo, I'm not heartless." He answered as though it were the most natural thing in the world. _I wonder if that Kuno would still want to marry the boy in his condition, he is awfully wealthy after all… Then again, I haven't a clue about Ryoga's parents, for all I know, they could be loaded…_

"That's very mature of you." Soun praised his life-long friend, having not been privy to his internal musings. A dark cloud soon settled over him though, he lowered his head in disappointment. This day had gone from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. Salvaging the situation seemed nigh impossible, he could only hope that- "What are you doing?"

"Packing." Genma replied as he shoved his belongings into his rucksack. "If Nodoka were to find out…" He shuddered. "Tell her we've gone on a camping trip, or something."

"Oh no you don't." Soun snatched the bag from Genma's hand. "You've got to help me think of a way to fix this mess. Besides, if you both disappear, Nodoka will start to get suspicious. If you stay, you can cover for Ranma until we come up with a plan that will end with Ranma and Akane marrying."

Genma sighed, his old friend was delusional if he thought there was still a chance at a wedding between their children, not that he planned to tell him so. Soun made a good point however, he could stay and shield his only child _and grandchild_, from Nodoka for the time being. He couldn't see how this could possibly end well, but improvising, lying and when all else failed, running like Hell was the Saotome way. Somehow, he thought, they'd manage.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: **A bit of a short one here, things will pick up again next chapter. This is chapter is bridging the gap between two story sections.

**EDIT:** The line breaks are disappearing and reappearing no matter what I do. Actually much of my formatting is going wonky on me. Dunno if it's the site or my PC... I can't even put a smiley in this author's note. Gah! replaced line breaks with O...o~o...O

**I own diddly squat. That means nothing.**

**Chapter 14**

"Will Ranma be down soon? How did it go? What did he say? Is the girl with child? What are his intentions?" Nodoka felt that she had been patient enough, which was why she practically pounced on her husband as he came down the stairs.

The desire to go panda was strong, but Genma had to stand firm if he wanted to protect his only child's secret. "Although I wish the circumstances were better, we are going to be grandparents in a few months time. We should try to consider this a happy occasion." Genma nodded to himself, _Yes, that should be evasive enough. _

This was the response that she had been afraid of, but it was not unexpected. "And the girl?"

Genma had an answer already prepared, he'd decided to speak only the truth, so that he wouldn't be caught in a lie later on. "Do not concern yourself with the girl. She wishes to remain hidden, for her own protection, you understand. Ranma will have full control of the child."

"Don't forget about Akane!" Soun piped up.

"Yes yes, I haven't forgotten Akane." Genma replied.

Nodoka took this as a mixed blessing. That the girl was willing to give up the child without a fight was a relief indeed. She would have liked to assess the girl and her family though, to ensure that they were of good stock. It was understandable however, the situation, if discovered, would be a stain on both the girl's and her family's reputations. She sighed, _I suppose this is the best outcome that I could have hoped for. _That just left one question. "Will Ranma be down soon? I would like to have a talk with him."

"He left. He wanted to give Akane her space, she did not take the news well. He also needs some time to come to terms with everything that is going on. And between you and me, if the boy is to be a father in the future, he'll need to find a cure for the curse." _I should get an Emmy for this performance, _Genma thought as he grinned in smug satisfaction_. _Everything was going according to his's makeshift plan so far, at least until Nodoka asked her final question of the evening.

"He's gone? _Where_ did he go?" She placed a dangerous amount of emphasis on the_ where_. Her son had been lost to her for so many years, she did not like being ignorant of his whereabouts at all.

Soun backed away, but Genma somehow missed the cues that should have warned him of an impending disaster and replied lightly with, "I didn't think to ask." It had not been the right answer. The bruises would take weeks to heal.

O...o~o...O

"Ahhhhh!" Ryoga screamed.

Ranma quickly shut what was apparently the bathroom door. _Gross_, she thought as she continued down the hall. She turned the next handle only to find herself back in their shared bedroom._ What the heck? Where is it?_ She exited the room and tried the next knob.

"Don't you ever knock?" Ryoga yelled.

"Don't you ever lock?" Ranma yelled right back, "And open the window, it reeks in here!" she finished as she slammed the door.

"It's not like I invited you in!" came the reply, muffled slightly by the closed door, but Ranma was no longer listening.

_This is getting weird, s_he thought as she turned and reached for the next handle. The room was decorated sparsely in a masculine style, Ranma assumed it must have been Ichiro's room and shut the door again promptly.

After taking a deep breath to steady herself, Ranma checked to ensure that she had indeed moved on to the next door down and-

"Ranma! Seriously, what the Hell?" This time he threw a roll of toilet paper at her. It thudded against the back of the door as she closed it. Having decided that she was getting nowhere trying the doors on this side of the hall, she spun and went to open the door that had been behind her.

"What do we have here?" Xiao Tao asked from the end of the hall, just as Ranma's fingers had touched the knob.

It was as if a fog had lifted and Ranma found herself standing in front of the door that they had been warned not to enter. She was very confused, three times she had walked in on Ryoga using the toilet, but she was certain that the washroom was on the lower floor. Their shared room, Iichiro's room and the room she was standing in front of were on the upper lever, yet she didn't recall going up or down any stairs. "I was just looking for the kitchen..." She admitted to the midwife, who raised an eyebrow and led the way. _I wonder if there is somethin' magic in that room that's messin' with me?_

O...o~o...O

"Before we begin, I formally name you my apprentice." Xiao Tao announced. It was later in the day and she and Ranma were standing in the yard behind the clinic. It was surprisingly large and contained a rather impressive vegetable garden.

"Apprentice?" Ranma asked, "Cologne taught me stuff all the time and never made me an apprentice."

The old woman laughed, "Of course not, she wanted you to marry Shampoo. If she had taken you as an apprentice, you would have become an honorary member of the tribe."

"So?" Ranma was not following.

The midwife's eyes narrowed at the girl's foolishness, "_So_, the Kiss of Marriage is for outsiders only. Making you an honorary tribe member would have invalidated the kiss."

Ranma's eyes opened wide, "So if you're making me an honorary Amazon, then Shampoo has to give up?"

This time Ranma's foolishness earned her a smack to the back of her head. "I'm making you an honorary _Bear Tribe_ member you ninny. Pay attention girl." That said, Xiao Tao sat down near a growing squash and placed her hands on it.

Rubbing the back of her head and glaring at the old woman, Ranma plopped down beside her to watch what the midwife was doing. There wasn't much to see.

A brief moment later the old woman took her hands off the squash and turned to Ranma, "There are one hundred and three seeds in there, open it and count them. Then cut the squash into cubes."

There was a table set up outside with a knife and cutting board. Ranma did as she was told. Several minutes later Ranma had counted out all one hundred and three seeds. _Wow, she must have used chi to count them from the outside. _Ranma decided that this must have been the first technique she was going to learn. She eyed the cutting board and wondered how her next task was related to the training. "Ok, so why do I need to cut the squash?"

"For dinner." She replied with a grin. Chopping squash was hard on her old wrists.

When the two were once again seated in the row of growing squash, Xiao Tao described the technique. "This is a basic technique called the Chi Probe. In order to use any chi probing diagnostic techniques, like the Mama Baby Wellness Exam, this must be learned first. It will aid in your own chi control as well. It can only be performed on something living, which is why were are using vegetables on the vine to practice. You will start on the squash here, once you can successfully count the seeds, you may move to the next row." Ranma looked over and saw that the next row was all watermelon, the following row was cucumbers, and finally there was a row of tomatoes. "Your chi control is already advanced, so I won't hold your hand through this. You just have to release your energy slowly and feel the squash." At this point she got up, intending to leave Ranma to train alone. "Don't let any go to waste, I want all the squash in the pot, not on the ground."

Ranma nodded and put her hands on the squash, released energy from her hands and -SPLAT- She was so busy looking at her hands in surprise that she didn't see the blur zipping around the yard.

"What did I just say?" Xiao Tao asked, holding bits of the exploded squash that she had rescued.

"It won't happen again." Ranma replied as she picked squash seeds out of her hair. Ranma Saotome would not be defeated by a plant.

O...o~o...O

"Wow, you must really like squash." Ryoga commented to Xiao Tao when he saw the huge pot boiling on the stove.

"Hmpf!" Ranma dropped herself gracelessly into her seat and scowled at the pot as though it had insulted her personally.

The old midwife just laughed and shook her head. She was truthfully quite proud of Ranma's progress, sure the child hadn't succeeded, but she was only cracking the squash now rather than blowing it up. That sort of progress took most students months.

O...o~o...O

Xiao Tao watched as Ryoga tried again and again to locate the room he was supposed to be sharing with Ranma. Iichiro had collected him that morning to do chores around the clinic. She'd been informed by her grandson that if he took his eyes off the teen for even a second, he'd get himself lost, even if the room he was meant to go in was in plain view. After her strange encounter with Ranma, this was interesting news indeed. Very interesting...

O...o~o...O

Ranma hated squash. If she never ate it again, it would be too soon. It had taken two more days before she could probe the fruit without breaking it, but successfully counting the seeds had taken another three. The chi control required was very fine and precise. Microscopic tendrils had to be released from each finger and gently threaded through the rind and flesh without causing any damage. Once inside, chi had to be wound around each seed as it was counted or she would quickly lose track.

Her confidence was brimming as she plopped down next to the row of watermelons. Now that I've mastered the squash, this'll be a cinch.

O...o~o...O

Ranma hated watermelons.

O...o~o...O

The training had become progressively more difficult. Where the squash had been thoroughly firm with an easy to navigate hollow cavity, the watermelon, while also possessing a thick rind, had fragile innards and the seeds were spaced haphazardly. The cucumber had a thinner skin and was even more prone to destruction if overloaded with chi. Finally, Ranma had moved onto the tomatoes, by far the most delicate and unfortunately, the most messy.

Ryoga laughed at the sight of her as she stormed past him on the way to the bath. Tomato goop was dripping from nearly every inch of her, a frustrating testament to the difficulty level of her training. She flipped him off before slamming the door behind her. He continued chuckling to himself until he heard Ranma scream and rushed into the bathroom to see what was the matter.

Inside, Ranma was sitting on the floor, wearing nothing but her shorts, clutching a towel to her chest and jabbering nonsensically. She seemed to be on the verge of hyperventilation. He approached her cautiously, as though she were a wild animal, and knelt down in front of her. "Ranma," he said, making sure he had her attention, "What's wrong?"

She lifted the towel in response. Ryoga furrowed his brow, "You have a tummy ache?" he guessed hesitantly.

"I can see it." She replied weakly.

He inspected her stomach, but he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. His expression must have given his confusion away as Ranma repeated, "I can see _it!_"

_It? What the heck is _'it'_? _Ryoga wondered. Chills shot down his spine as Ranma gave him a look as fierce as any ever given to an unsuspecting partner by an irate female. She pointed at her abdomen and waited impatiently for him to figure it out. _What? Is she worried that she put on weight? Oh. Oh! _Light dawned on him as he recognized the slight protuberance for what it was. He froze. _Well, this is awkward. _He kind of wanted to touch it, but he also wanted to keep all his fingers.

Ranma was looking at him expectantly, but Ryoga wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about it. He was better at handling the sort of problems that he could punch. Ranma was undeniably the same, she was clearly out of her element. Since he couldn't _do_ anything about it, saying something seemed like the best course of action. Something supportive? Comforting? Reassuring? Deciding that she was worried that people would be able to spot her situation, Ryoga settled on: "It's barely noticeable. I couldn't tell right away. I don't think anyone else will be able to tell yet. I mean, I just thought you were getting a little fat." It had not been the right answer. The bruises would take weeks to heal.

O...o~o...O

Xiao Tao had called Ranma and Ryoga into one of the clinic's exam rooms. After asking a confused Ryoga to lay down on the bed, the midwife told Ranma, "Now that you have mastered the technique on plants, we can move on to a human test subject."

"Test subject?" a panicky Ryoga asked. He had seen the carnage in the vegetable garden, it wasn't pretty.

"You're a sturdy lad, you'll be fine." She replied dismissively. "Now," she addressed Ranma, "using the chi probe, you are to locate Ryoga's liver, kidneys, spleen, lungs and heart. Just locate them for now, nothing else."

Ranma nodded and stood over Ryoga, "I don't think this is such a good idea." He insisted as he attempted to get up off the bed.

"Stop being such a baby" Was her reply as she forced him back down. "Just relax wouldya?"

"Yes," Xiao Tao piped up with a large grin, "you will want to relax. You'll be much less likely to explode if you do." His eyes grew wide and he did as he was told. In truth Xiao Tao was one hundred… well at least ninety-five percent certain he'd be fine. Humans were far more durable than tomatoes.

It didn't take long for Ranma to locate the requested organs, leaving her victim entirely intact, much to his relief.

"Excellent, eventually you will learn to assess the health of each," The midwife informed her, "but for now, we will use these key organs to monitor the flow of chi. Becoming familiar with the flow and patterns of someone else's chi will help you better understand and control your own."

* * *

"Are you sure you don't know where Ranma went, Mr. Saotome?" Akane asked when she was certain Nodoka was out of earshot.

Shaking his head, Genma replied, "I really didn't ask, he could be anywhere."

Akane sighed, when Ranma stopped coming to school Akane had attempted to find her. Her anger had melted away entirely and she found herself ready clear the air with her fiancé turned female friend.

She'd tried asking if Ukyo had seen Ranma recently, but the girl was still furious, possibly more furious since uncovering the truth and hadn't been of any help.

The Cat Café had been next, while she was certain Ranma wasn't there, Akane had the distinct impression that Cologne was hiding something. The mysterious elder gave nothing away though, so Akane kept on looking.

Hiroshi and Daisuke's homes had been a longshot, as Akane never knew Ranma to spend time with the boys outside of school, but their homes were nearby and she felt it couldn't hurt to check. They hadn't heard a thing, but they did ask Akane to thank Nabiki for the pictures. She was afraid to ask and simply agreed.

Next up was the vacant lot down the street. Ryoga had been known to pitch his tent there when he was in the area. It was unfortunately empty.

Finally, she'd gone all the way to Ryoga's house. Akane had been fairly optimistic that she would find the pair hiding out there, but she was disappointed to find the place looking as though no one had been home in months. Checkers had been happy to see her at least.

She'd given up then, she couldn't think of another place that Ranma might have gone. Ranma's social circle was quite limited and Akane had checked with everyone in it. Unless Ranma had lost her mind and decided to move in with Kuno, Akane was out of ideas.

O...o~o...O

There wasn't much that surprised the old midwife these days, in her many years she has witnessed a great deal. This however was most curious. The floorboards were creaking above her as she lay in bed. The only way to enter the attic was to open the trap door that was located in that very room. She was certain that no one had come into her room, passed her and climbed up the ladder completely unnoticed. No, how the girl had managed to get into the windowless attic was a mystery indeed.

After pulling the string and releasing the ladder, Xiao Tao poked her head up into the small attic. "Something I can help you with, Dearie?" she asked in mild amusement.

"Uh…" A very confused Ranma held a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste up in front of her. "Just lookin' for the bathroom… heh heh." She laughed awkwardly, trying to act casual.

Ryoga's head popped up through the trap door a moment later. The midwife looked down and saw that he was already dressed in a pair of pyjamas. "Uh," he began as he looked back and forth between Ranma and the midwife, "which way is the bedroom?"

"I think we need to have a talk." Xiao Tao decided. Something very strange was going on here and she was going to get to the bottom of it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

"I don't know what you're taking about. I just have a bad sense of direction. It's hereditary." Ryoga insisted, with a hint of defensiveness, as he sipped his tea. The midwife had dragged them downstairs, sat them at the table and demanded an explanation from him. He had no intention of answering her however. The number of people that already knew about his Jusenkyo curse was bad enough, to have someone find out that he was suffering the effects of two curses simultaneously would be doubly embarrassing.

"You can't possibly think I would buy that." The old crone raised her eyebrow in skepticism.

"Believe what you'd like." He replied casually, letting nothing show on his face.

"That's very unfortunate." She sighed dramatically and turned her eyes toward Ranma, "An explanation may have helped explain Ranma's recent inability to find her way. Possibly even led us to find a solution."

Ryoga's eyes widened in shock as he looked at Ranma, "You've been getting lost?" He asked, his voice laced with panic.

Ranma had been silent up to this point, having no idea what was happening to her, she'd had little to contribute. "Sorta," She began to explain, "I don't feel like I'm lost at the time. I know exactly where I'm going, 'cept that's not where I end up. It's so weird. Like I can get from one floor to the next and have no memory of going up the stairs. At first it only lasted a few seconds and I'd realize I was going the wrong way, it's taking longer to snap outta it now."

Sweat was beading on Ryoga's forehead as he listened to Ranma describe the all too familiar sensation. _That's not possible. It's not contagious. The only way to be effected is… _A look of horror crossed his face as his eyes shifted to Ranma's abdomen …_to be a Hibiki! _He shot up suddenly out of his chair, "Arrh!" He cried, "How could I have been so stupid?" Reaching up, he hit himself in the forehead with his palms over and over. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" _I didn't even think… it didn't even occur to me… _

Ranma could feel the depressive cloud building around the lost boy as she watched him berate and abuse himself. She had no idea what had come over him, but she couldn't let him continue.

-SMACK-

There was silence in the dining room as Ryoga blinked in surprise and slid back into his chair. "Sorry." He muttered.

"S'alright." Ranma replied as she flexed her stinging fingers and tried not to let on how much slapping him had hurt.

"Ready to explain now?" The midwife asked.

"I…" Ryoga began, he'd never told this story to anyone before and he wasn't sure where to start. _I suppose the best way would be… _"It started with my parents, long before I was born." Looking at Ranma, he asked, "Did I ever tell you what my parents do for a living?" She shook her head in response. "They're archaeologists. Not just any archaeologists, but world famous ones. They have made a lot of really important discoveries around the globe, but the first big discovery they ever made was a hidden room in an Egyptian pyramid. Once they'd discovered the room, it took them months to get inside. The door was sealed and booby trapped, one wrong move could have collapsed the tunnel leading to the room, crushing them. When they finally got inside, the room only contained one object, a golden slab engraved with hieroglyphics. At first they left it where it was. As dad searched the room for hidden compartments, my mom translated the tablet. It was a map, not only intended to lead the Pharaoh's soul to the afterlife, but also to confuse wayward spirits that might hinder the Pharaoh's journey."

Ranma was amazed by the story, she'd never met Ryoga's parents, despite the many times that she had led him home. It was interesting to know that they were actually kinda famous.

Ryoga continued, "Everything was fine while they studied the tablet in that room, but everything changed when they tried to remove it. As soon as they lifted it from the dais it was sitting on, wind and light flooded the tunnel. A booming voice warned them that if the map was stolen, those responsible would be forever cursed. Not just themselves, but their children," He paused here and looked apologetically at Ranma, "and their children's children, for all of eternity."

The revelation caused Ranma to shudder, unconsciously, her hand drifted protectively to rest over her tiny bump.

"My mom wanted to put it back, to stop right there, but my dad didn't believe in magic or curses. He thought that this was an amazing trick set up by the tomb builders. He convinced her to help him remove the tablet and promised that they would return to find the source of the voice, assuring her that it would be a fantastic discovery if they could prove ancient Egyptians were capable of voice recording. Once they were out of the tomb however, they became horribly lost. They wandered through deserts, jungles, forests and fields. My mother tried to convince him to leave the tablet behind, certain it was the cause of their misfortune. Finally, he gave in. Not wanting people to stumble into it and become cursed themselves, he dropped it down a dry well in what he thinks was the English countryside. The curse however remained. They haven't been able to find their way since, though that has only increased their fame. They have accidentally stumbled upon ruins, lost cities, tombs and treasures. The museum they work for gives them location trackers that they put down at the site of each new find, which lead the museum employees to the sites to investigate.'

"They gave it up for a while when I was born, they said that it was no life for a baby. When I was old enough to walk, they discovered that the voice had not lied, I too was cursed to forever roam, never knowing where I am. Mom was distraught, she blamed herself and she was determined to find a cure. She tracked down a fortune-teller, after an exceedingly long search, and was told that the only way to end the curse was to return the tablet to the tomb from which it came. That's why they took up wandering again, they decided that I was old enough to take care of myself and set off to cure the curse. They haven't had any luck however, nor have any of the museum employees that have tried to find a site matching my father's description." He sighed, having finished his story. "I'm sorry Ranma." The depression in his eyes was obvious as he hung his head, for he had finally realized that he had doomed his offspring to the same miserable lifestyle as his own.

The depression was contagious as Ranma imagined a life of forever trying to keep her child from getting lost, worrying that each moment could be the last she'd see of him/her for weeks, months or years at a time. Babysitting Ryoga was frustrating enough already. Trying to keep two of them from… _Wait a minute. _"If the curse is passed down to children, then why am I affected?"

Xiao Tao had an answer to that, "You carry the child within you, its life force tied to your own. You are as one, and will remain so until the baby's birth, at which time you will no longer feel the curse's effects. The child will then carry the full burden itself." _Probably._

"No way! I'll find a way to break the curse!" Ranma declared.

"Well it's quite simple then, you just have to find that tablet and return it." The midwife said, as though it was really that simple.

"It's no use." Replied Ryoga, seemingly devoid of emotion. "They've searched for years. Dad thought they were in England, but they could have been anywhere."

"Ah, but they didn't have what I have." The woman's eyes sparkled mischievously.

Ryoga was doubtful that the old woman anything that could be of use, the tone of his reply made that blatantly obvious. "Oh, and just what might that be?"

The midwife grinned triumphantly, "A set of cursed dowsing rods."

He was glad that he hasn't gotten his hopes up. "The well was dry, finding water won't help."

"That's just fine. The rods don't locate water, they track curses," She paused for effect, "or the source thereof." She finished.

"And you'll let us use them?" Ranma asked as Ryoga finally let himself feel a modicum of hope.

"For a price." The old woman's grin turned predatory. Her target was in sight.

_Of course… _Ranma sighed internally, nothing could ever be easy. "What do you want from us?"

"The world midwifery martial arts tournament is coming up. I birthed only one daughter in all my years, she forsook the clan however when she met a Japanese doctor and became enamoured with the medicine of the west. For a woman of the Bear Tribe to pursue western medicine is to dishonour her heritage. The other elders banished her and she ran away with her lover, Iichiro's father." The midwife lamented. "I have only grandson's, I have had no female heir to keep my family's traditions alive. I made you my apprentice in the hopes that you would compete as a representative of my family's school."

_Is that all? If it's martial arts, it'll be a cinch. _"So all I gotta do is compete and you'll let us use the rods?"

"No, I will let you use the rods and you will promise, on your honour as a martial artist, to return, complete the training and compete. You're no good to me if you can't find your way." It was harsh, but true. The competition would be fierce, her entrant had to be in top form.

Ranma didn't hesitate to agree, "It's a deal!"

* * *

The next morning, Xiao Tao led the teens to the mystery door in the upper hallway. "Stand back now," She warned. "What lies within this room is incredibly dangerous." With a deep breath, the old crone reached out and turned the knob. The door slowly creaked open. Ranma and Ryoga edged away cautiously as the door opened…

…and years of hoarded junk, that wouldn't have looked out of place in Mousse's sleeves, poured into the hallway.

"That's what was so dangerous?" Ranma shouted. "Your garbage crushing us to death?"

"Of course not! Every single piece is magical, some of them are cursed." She explained. "One wrong move and you could summon a demon, go bald, or even find yourself permanently wearing a pair of pink hot pants." She shuddered at that thought. "So start looking, but don't try anything on, don't rub any lamps, don't drink any potions and for goodness sake, don't test any weapons!"

They slowly began to search through what Ranma thought must be at least a thousand magical artifacts. The first item she picked up was a novelty singing fish on a plaque, she tossed it aside carelessly. Next came a pair of false teeth that attempted to bite her, she threw them away with more force than the previous object. There was a pair of novelty glasses with a moustache attached, a sock puppet, a statue of a koala smoking a cigar, a bottle of mermaid tears, a crossbow and a stuffed tarantula, but so far, no dousing rods.

Ranma looked up to see how Ryoga was making out. To her surprise and horror, he had turned quite pale and was holding what looked like a Koi Rod. "Don't even think about it buddy." She scolded him as she imagined him running off to get another shot at Akane, or worse yet, making her a lovesick, mindless fool again.

"I wasn't!" His cheeked flushed with embarrassment. Finding the rod had simply triggered unpleasant memories, which he had been reliving when Ranma looked his way.

That didn't make Ranma feel any better however. "Then put it down already!" She demanded, pointing at the rapidly growing pile of rejected objects littering the hallway. He rapidly complied and the search resumed.

Hours later the contents of the room had been almost entirely relocated to the hallway, but there had yet to be any sign of the proverbial needle in the haystack. Ranma flung a curly drinking straw out the door and picked up an Astroboy action figure. She paused to wonder just what magic it possessed when a cry of "Yes!" broke the silence of the room, causing her to lose all interest in the toy.

Ryoga was holding two bent wires with wooden handles over his head triumphantly. "These are them, right?" He asked the midwife, who nodded affirmatively. "Great!" There was a long pause, "So, how do we use them?"

"As the person whose curse's origin we are attempting to locate, you must use the rods. You hold one in each hand and you follow wherever they point. As you have two curses, it would be best to concentrate on the correct curse so they don't become confused." Xiao Tao instructed.

He nodded and held the rods aloft, they swivelled to the left. Just as he was about to take a step he hesitated, "Wait, my father thought he was in England, we can't just walk there."

"How well can you swim? I can't afford to send you by aeroplane."

Unable to decide whether or not the midwife was joking, Ryoga answered seriously. "Ranma and I both swam to China and back. We could go there first, then walk, if we're both cursed however, we could lose our way before we get there. If we follow the rods though, we could come ashore anywhere." He wasn't keen on washing up in North Korea. Worse yet was the risk of accidentally heading out to sea.

Ranma laughed suddenly, "We'd end up just as lost as we did on the training journey. Only we'd be getting ourselves lost this time, not that damn…" She trailed off. Her head shot up at the same time as Ryoga's. Their eyes locked, both shining with understanding.

"The map!" They exclaimed synchronously.

Not a second had passed before Ranma had charged out of the room. She scaled the mountain of junk in the hall rapidly and carelessly, in her eagerness to reach the map she didn't even notice that fireworks were erupting all around and that something was smoking ominously. Once in her room she pulled the parchment from her backpack, having never bothered to put it away.

"I need ya to send us somewhere!" Ranma demanded.

"Hello to you too, I'm fine, thanks for asking." The fox spirit answered curtly. She was still a little sore from being so rudely stuffed into the cramped bag.

"Yeah, yeah. Hello." Ranma replied flippantly before carrying on. "So me 'n Ryoga gotta get to England. You can do that with your magic, right?"

Had Ranma humoured the spirit, she may have been more accommodating. As it was however, the spirit's reply was, "I can, in exchange for your assistance."

_Why does everyone always ask for favours first? _"What do you want?"

"Freedom."

_Well that was easy. _"I already freed you from Happosai. So pay up."

"No, freedom from this prison." The spirit gestured around with her hands. "Release me from this parchment and I will do as you ask."

_How the heck am I supposed to do that? _Ranma verbalized this thought.

"I was drawn with a magical pencil, I can only be released by its counterpart, the magical eraser."

"Huh… I wonder if Xiao Tao has one, she's got just about everything else." Ranma wondered aloud.

The spirit shook her head, "Even if she did, each pencil is linked to its own eraser, a matched pair. There exists only one that can free me from my bonds."

Ranma slumped back against the bed, "It's hopeless then, how am I supposed to find a single eraser, it could be anywhere."

"No, I know exactly where it is." The spirit shivered. "It is attached to the end of the pencil. The very same pencil that that disgusting old man used to seal me away. He keeps it tucked in his gi at all times."

To Ranma's ears that was almost worse. Finding a single eraser sounded like a much easier task than stealing from the perverted old fart. Especially if she didn't want to be caught. She sighed loudly and trotted back out into the hall to deliver the news.

The midwife and Ryoga did not look very pleased with her. Their clothes were singed and the wallpaper seemed to be charred and the junk pile was noticeably smaller, hotter and smokier than when she had seen it last.

"So…" She began cluelessly, "What's up?"

* * *

It had been a very long time indeed since Ranma had used the technique that her father had sealed away (and by sealed away, she meant that he had her swear on her honour as a marital artist to never again use it or to teach it). She knew full well that it was too powerful for this world, but desperate times called for desperate measures. _Sorry Pops, I know I swore not ta use it again, but… _As she neared the Tendo Dojo she curled in on herself and vanished into the shadows. Ranma was going in alone, she had decided that was best, as with the Umi-sen ken she could theoretically slip in and out again unnoticed.

Not a soul noticed her as she slid into the house and under the floorboards, she came up directly into Happosai's bedroom. The old goat appeared to be sound asleep, but appearances can be deceiving, so Ranma didn't let the technique drop. She was disgusted to note that he slept not on a futon, but in a nest of ladies' underwear. With every bit of speed that she possessed she searched the freak's gi. She had found a dozen Happo Fire bombs, but so far no pencil. Half way through her search he suddenly rolled over, startling her, thankfully he did not wake up. His change in position fortunately allowed her to locate the pencil.

She turned to leave, pencil in hand. She was almost to the dislodged floorboard when she felt it. Two tiny, wrinkled, absolutely revolting hands were squeezing her bosom. Ranma ground her teeth in aggravation, but tried not to lose her temper. She did not want to alert the rest of the house to her presence. It was a lost cause however, a furious roar of "Get your damn hands off her!" accompanied by the sound of glass shattering, rang through the Tendo home. Ranma was shocked to see that Ryoga had followed her and had just come crashing through the bedroom window.

It seemed as though every door in the house could be heard opening at once. _Damn, damn, damn! _Thought Ranma as she realized he had just blown her whole cover. "What the hell Ryoga?" she yelled, incredulous and angry, as she attempted to punch the diminutive pervert that was still clinging to her, but Happosai wriggled out of the way of her fists.

"I uh, thought you could use some help?" Ryoga gulped nervously. It was obvious that he'd screwed up.

"Ranma…" Happosai looked up at her with watery eyes. "Tell me it isn't so."

Ranma wondered what he was talking about until she realized that he'd wriggled his way right onto her growing baby bump.

"Why? Why?" Happosai wailed.

Ranma paled and redoubled her efforts to get the pint-sized perv off of her. It was to no avail however, she was unable to dislodge him_. I gotta get outta here!_ She decided that she should escape first and remove him later. Turning, Ranma grabbed Ryoga's arm with more force than necessary and prepared to jump out the window.

"If you wanted to get pregnant, you should have come to me!" Happosai bawled loudly at the exact same moment the bedroom door burst open.

Ranma barely heard him though. The world seemed to fall away as Ranma glanced back and every ounce of her attention focused on her mother, who was standing in the doorway clutching the family's honour sword in a white-knuckled death grip.


End file.
